The Struggle To Be A Real Person

I want to be real. I'm freaking Pinocchio, trapped in a wooden body, fighting to break out and become a real boy.

And in some sense that is literally true. I am trapped in a body wracked with pain and limited mobility and often crippling headaches that render me unproductive for days and sometimes weeks.

But I am talking about something we all struggle with. We want to be what we perceive as our perfect self. We see that there is a version of ourselves that we want to be. Maybe that has to do with our job, or our kids or where we live, but overall I think we all see a version of ourselves that has more to do with habits and hangups than it does with outward appearance.

"If only"... if only I could quit smoking. If only I could lose weight. If only I could be a better spouse. If only I could stop doing x. If only I could start doing y.

If only.

Friends, "if only" will kill you. Literally. I'm being very serious here. Chasing that "if only" will literally kill you. Maybe not quickly, but it will steal your life and leave you staring at your mortality with a wasted life.

We all want to be better. We all want to do better. And that's good. We should all want to be our true self. The problem comes when we look toward that true self and weigh it on the scale with 'if only' and see the huge pile of 'if only' outweighing the potential of reaching the true self.

And we feel like a failure. And we feel small and worthless. We feel this way because it just seems like an insurmountable mountain of 'ifs' that we need to overcome to become our true self.

Friends, let me make this really clear.

You are perfect as your are.

Let me say again, YOU are PERFECT as YOU ARE.

YOU ARE PERFECT AS YOU ARE. RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.

I don't care what your boss or your doctor or your church or family or anyone else is telling you.

Your true self is who you are right now. It's not an ideal that you have to waste your life to achieve.

Ok so you have this issue or that. You might have an addiction you need to deal with. You might be overweight. Yes, those are real things that you need to work on.

But those aren't the real you. Those aren't barriers to get to your true self. They're just globs of dirt that you need to brush off. Your true self is you as you are right now.

Everything you want to be  is here. Now. Anything you see as a barrier is an illusion.

What is really stopping you from being who you are? Fear. Specifically fear of failure.

I have one question for you: Who flipping cares?


Ask yourself this: If you had unlimited resources and unlimited time, what would you do with your life? Put aside the mansion and the sex partners and the piles of guns and consider, really consider, what you would DO? Put aside your family and friends and the selfish things and consider actually what you would DO as a vocation. What is that THING you would DO that you want to be. Is it a writer? An athlete? A philanthropist? Movie maker? Comedian? Lecturer? Teacher?

Now ask yourself this: Even though you don't have unlimited resources and time, what can you do to do that thing you want to do? What is honestly stopping you? Put aside your need to make enough money to eat and have a place to live, that's your job, it's not who you are. What can you do, in spite of your job, to become that thing you want to be?

There is really only one answer, isn't there? Fear. What if I do it and I suck at it?

Let me let you in on a little secret. You will suck at it. Everyone that has done something you consider great has also done something that is a complete disaster. But here's the secret:

They kept trying. They KEEP trying. They DO.

I am writing as much to myself as to you. I live in fear of failure. Of failing my family, of failing my church, of failing my God. (Yes, I am a 'religious' person, this may or may not apply to you). What do I want my real self to be?

I just want my real self to be .... real. I don't want to be the mask that I put on to hide my pain and disability. I don't want to be the mask I put on to hide my addictions and stuggles.

I want to be that person that lives without fear.

I am in my late fourties. My life is probably more than half over. My father died in his 50s. I could lament over how much time I have wasted. I could cry over how many lost opportunites I have had. I could be angry about how much time I have wasted in fear.

But I'm not going to do that. I don't want you to do that. I want you to dare to be real. It doesn't matter what you define as your real self. Just DO IT.

Do it. Go. Do. Fail. Get up. Fail some more. Who cares? What is the worst that could happen? Well, ok, you could die. But unless what you are trying to is skydiving or Russian Roulette, is death really on the list of worst things that could happen?

#NotOneMore

My blogs have been dead as of late. I really have no excuse other than laziness and depression. But if you're here and reading this, thank you.

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 Today I am angry. Angier than angry. And I've had enough pussy footing around this topic out of fear I will offend someone or tread on their rights or some other such crap.

First, let me preface this by saying that much of what I am about to say is out of emotion. I do not have facts to back anything up, this is just my feelings and if you don't like it, too bad. My blog, my rules.

Ok, back to the rant.

Guns. I am angry about guns. Specifically I am angry that yet another gun has been used to kill yet another child. If you have seen the unfolding story (at the time of this writing), a teenager went into a high school, killed a student and himself (I don't currently know if said shooter was a student at that school or not. A teacher also sustained non-threatening injuries.)

How many dead children is it going to take for this country to wake up and DO something about it?

Ok, I know what some of you are going to say. "Well, if a teacher had been armed only the gunman would have died. More guns makes us safe. If he didn't have a gun he would have used a knife, just as many were killed with a knife by that one guy as with a gun. Good guys with guns. Blah blah blah blah blah."

So don't even tell me those. I've heard them all. And I honestly don't give a flying flipping crap about what you think about any of that. Guns kill people. No, not people killing people, guns. (If guns are safe, then let your toddler play with your's, go ahead. I'll wait. No? You see my point.) And yes, if you leave a gun on a table it's safe, but they never are, are they? Guns have infiltrated our entertainment, our media, our culture, and worst of all, our MINDS. There are some that practically worship them. Guns are more important to some than their family, their church, or their own health.

Why? Because it gives a sense of POWER, of god-like ability over life and death. And the illusion of safety. You have a gun to protect your family? That's swell. I'll just cut your gas line and wait for you house to blow up.See? Didn't really protect you, did it?

I'm so angry right now I can't even stay on track. My point is NO MORE DEAD KIDS!!

The President, Congress, and the courts need to stand up to the NRA and gun lobbyists and end this. Now. We are the only developed nation that this happens in. No other places in the world, even with similar gun rights, do we see kids killing other kids in schools. No where. The best time to act is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

If it were up to me I would say ban them all. Get the National Guard, go door to door and just take them, all of them. All the guns. Every pistol, hunting rifle, antique, bb gun, all of them. Put them in a big pile and burn them. Then burn the factories. Institute the death penalty for anyone that has one.

But it's not. And I don't hold any fantasy that that will actually happen. The real world is too messy and like Pandora's box the demons are already lose. (Plus guns are actually useful tools when used that way.)

In spite of that, there are real things we can do. For starters, someone please tell the Open Carry idiots to put their toys away and grow up. Second, shut down the NRA. It is a terrorist organization that can no longer be allowed to exist. It's only purpose is to protect the so-called rights of those that continue to kill our children and that cannot be allowed in this or any other civilized place in the world.

Third, extremely harsh penalties to gun owners whose guns are used in a crime either by them or by others in their homes or those who stole them. If you own a gun, do everything possible to keep it from killing another person, not even in self defence. If it kills someone, even if another person did it, it's your fault. And you should be tried and convicted on the level equal to the crime. Death penalty. Period, the end. Your toddler gets a hold of it and accidentally shoots himself? That's not an accident, that's murder. Someone steals the gun you got to protect your possessions? Then why didn't you use it to stop them from stealing it? They used it in a crime? Too bad, that's on you.

Yes, I know. I'm a stupid hippy liberal that hates America. You know what? If love of guns equals love of America, then fine, I hate America. It's no longer "land of the free home of the brave". It's "land of the terrorized, home of the gun". That is not the America I was taught in school. That is not the country that Jefferson wrote about, nor the country Lincoln spoke of. It's degrading into "he who has the guns is in control" and I am not OK with my kids growing up in that country.

Dead children trumps gun rights. It just does. I don't care what Joe the (fake) Plumber or Sarah Palin or anyone else says. Dead kids trump all. We have seat belt laws, drunk driving laws, education laws, and even crossing the freaking street laws all designed to keep kids safe. But why aren't we doing something about GUNS? And no, the laws we have are not good enough. Don't tell me they just need to be enforced. The reason they aren't enforced is that when they were they were not effective. They are toothless. Real laws with real consequences to real people for every single bullet fired at a person. Period, the end.

Not one more. Not one more dead child from a gun. Not. One. More. No more excuses, no more "it's my right". NO.

If you want to argue, don't bother. I won't respond. Call me names if you wish. Send me hate mail. I don't care. I won't change my mind either. And yes, I vote.

Hopelessness

There's a lot of talk, at least on the Internet, about how the Republican party has set out to criminalize the poor. I see a lot of posts about how the problem with this country is that 47% of people are "living of the government", that there is this huge number of people that are getting food assistance and medical care and free money from the government for "doing nothing".

And while, to a degree, I believe there is a bit too much being "spread around" and that there are some that just need to tighten their belts, there are many who truly need help. Children, especially.

But what I don't understand is the hostility, the anger, the hatred toward those that need help.

I need help. While I am not in a wheelchair (yet), I am unable to work. My condition, which has yet to be fully diagnosed, prohibits me from doing some very basic things and working in any sort of environment where my dissociative episodes might put others at risk. I need help. Part of my help comes from Social Security and Medicare, programs that I paid into for my whole adult life. Those programs are doing what they were designed to do and I am thankful for them.

There is something else, though, something that most people don't understand and most won't in their lifetime. And I am glad that they won't but I wish there were a way to make them understand it without experiencing it.

The Bottom.

There is a bottom. A dark, bleak, scary hard bottom. And it is deep. And when you are down there you experience the scariest thing anyone can know.

Hopelessness.

Hopeless adjective:

1 a :  having no expectation of good or success :  despairing

b :  not susceptible to remedy or cure

c :  incapable of redemption or improvement

2

a :  giving no ground for hope :  desperate

b :  incapable of solution, management, or accomplishment : impossible

Hopelessness noun - Feeling of despair when you are hopeless.

If you've been here, you know it. The Bottom. Hopelessness. It's a real place. And it's the scariest thing you can imagine. More than monsters, more than death. It's a place you no longer fear death, and might even welcome it.

And this is what so many don't understand. They don't get that there is such a place that you would rather curl up and die than face another day in this place. The place where people say such stupid things as "why don't you move to a better place" and "just think yourself better" and "you just don't have enough faith" and "if you really cared you'd fight through this and act normal and get a job" and "I understand, really".

The phone rings. And rings. And rings. And you don't answer it. You know who it is. It's someone you owe money to. A lot of it. But you don't have it. Why? Is it because you spent it on an xbox or a new TV or nice clothes? Well, you have some of those, souvenirs of a better time. A time when you did have it to spend. The American dream of a home and a big TV and the nice clothes and the nice car. You lived that for a while and you have these things around you. Worthless now to anyone but yourself. You could sell some of them, sure, but for a fraction of a fraction of what they were worth new. Pawn shops are already flooded with these things and they aren't worth anything anymore. And still the phone ring. You owe hundreds to that one, thousands to that one, and that one is just waiting to cut off the water or the power or the gas.

And you cling to the things because the offer a pittance of escape. Moments when you can forget the dark and the fear, moments when you can almost believe that you're not where you know you are. Moments when the bottom can almost be forgotten.

Almost.

But then they come knocking at the door. Angry and not understanding. Threatening. And the kids don't understand and you don't know how to explain to them because you don't want them to feel what you feel.

Hopelessness.

So you smile. And you carry on. And you go to church and tell them "God is good, we're OK". But you're not OK. You're kind of angry at God for making things the way they are. There is no hope coming from the people at church or their God. But you don't know how to tell anyone that.

So you carry on.

And you put all the bills in a pile. It's a big one. But before you can even start on the pile you pay the mortgage and the electricity and the gas because you need those to survive. And then you buy groceries, cheap ones.No treats or fancy meats. Rice. Beans. And fatty chicken. And you live on that every day. Every single day because it's what you can afford to feed everyone. And the kids complain. And you try to jazz up the leftovers, but it's still beans and rice and chicken. And you stretch them into days, a week, until they're gone, before you even think about making a new batch.

And then there's the car. You have to have the car. So you pay the insurance and fill the tank and check the oil. You have to because it's the lifeline. There is no public transportation, you have to have the car. So after you feed the kids you feed that car. And it's barely holding together with baling wire and duct tape, but you have to have it. So you give it as much as you can.

And there's still the pile of bills. Past due. Past due. Last notice. Certified, threatening legal action.

The better times have gone, and now they need to be paid for.

And the money is gone. And then the gas is gone, and the groceries, and it's still more than a week before the paycheck comes. And the kids are hungry. And the phone is ringing. And you fear.

And you feel it. Failure. You are a failure. Not just as a husband or father or a member of society, but as a person, ans a human being, you have failed. Not only are you not producing anything, not making anything, but you are at a place where you cannot even care for yourself. You're worse than an animal, you're nothing.

Nothing. You aren't a writer or a computer programmer or a mechanic or a salesman or a secretary or anything. You are nothing. Nothing defines you. You can't play with your kids so you aren't really a father, you can't take care of the house or do much to help your wife, so you aren't really a husband. You're nothing. You're nearly a vegetable. A plant. Something that just needs to be watered.

Nothing.

And because you're nothing, you are hopeless. Without hope, but also no one has any hope placed i you. There is no future, there's just this. And worse.

And you fear.
And you dread.

And you are at the bottom.


And when you're there, no one cares. And if you can't get help, there is no way to get up. All you want, all you need is a little. A helping hand. Just enough to get going again. Enough to feed the kids, enough to put the gas in the car so the wife can go to school and create that light at the end of the tunnel.

But no. Lazy. Worthless. Faker. Taker.And others. They don't understand the bottom. And you wouldn't wish it on anyone. But you're there. And they kick you for it. And they kick hard. And you don't have the strength to kick back. You barely have a voice because it's been swallowed in despair.

And then you hear, what little help you're getting, you don't deserve that. You have to work for it. But you did work. For 25 years you worked hard and long, 60 sometimes 70 hours a week. Rarely a day off. Taking work home. Never having time for you kids. Working working working because THAT is what people are supposed to do. And then they make you feel guilty for being an absent father but you're making, your producing, you're being a person. And you pay into the system that is supposed to take care of you if something happens. You pay and you pay and you pay and you are grateful for that safety net.

And then you fall into that net. And you don't deserve it, they say. You're a taker, they say.

Kick. Kick. Kick.

And you're weak. And you can't fight. And you despair that the next kick will kill you. But at the same time you would welcome death, welcome that release from the pain.

From Hopelessness.



And that, my friends is why I try. Why I debate and argue and make the "Robin Hood" references. Those at the top don't understand the bottom, yet they continue to push people there. Minimum wage jobs that don't cover the cost of living, then criminalizing the assistance programs that make it possible to live. They don't get it.

I am up from the bottom now. But just barely. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Soon there will be enough. It will mean sacrificing my wife for the good of the family, but I think we can overcome the issues and the long hours and BE a family again. And it's thanks to the help form the government. The help that others, even when we asked, were unwilling to give. And not just unwilling, spiteful, angry that we even had the audacity to ask.

But we're up. And we're climbing.

And I will take the energy I have and I will fight. I will fight for those at the bottom. I will be a voice to those who despair and I will continue to make sure they are not victims. I will rub it in the faces of the 'haves' who despise the 'have nots'.

I don't want anyone to feel what I have felt. I want hopelessness to become non-existent. I want there to always be hope.

Christmas Rant

The world is a sad place again this Christmas. Or at least there isn't much joy to go around. Children murdered in the US, civil war in Syria, protests in Egypt (again), Israel flexing its muscle... not to mention Mali, New Delhi, North Korea... Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men - men aren't very good at it.

And here in America, on the Internet, we debate. I am the worst offender. Everything sets me off. Gun control? I am so there with fists raised ready to throw virtual punches. War on Christmas? Heck yea, let's rumble! Fiscal cliff? Let me tell you how wrong you are about everything you know about that!

Why do I do this to myself? Is it because I feel kind of helpless most days, struggling with physical pain and crippling headaches I feel like I don't matter anymore? So I make myself matter by being loud and confrontational?

Or maybe I'm just an asshole.

And that's really the opposite of what I need to be. I call myself Christian because of what I believe. If I really believe it, then I need to be better. I need to be salt and light, not angry and bitter. I need to be love and light, not sarcastic and vile.

Which begs the question, do I really believe what I claim to believe?

My journey of faith is different than most others. While many become Christian through a spiritual transition, my faith is based on a study of history and archaeology and ancient writings. The things I believe about the Bible would be much in opposition to the beliefs of most other Christians. And while I certainly believe in Jesus as the Son of God and the accuracy of the gospels, I do not feel that a completely literal interpretation of every single word in the Bible is how we are supposed to read it. God gave us brains, he wants us to use them and not just point at something and say "Yep, that's God, everything else is wrong". The debates over evolution/creation, when life begins, all that stuff, I don't think that's how we're supposed to "use" the Biblical text. Is it true and accurate and the Word of God? Sure. But it's not all history. Are the poems of Robert Frost true and accurate and the word of Robert Frost? Sure, but it doesn't mean that every word in them actually happened.

But I digress. We can debate Biblical authenticity and hermeneutics another day. My point is, from some people's perspective, I'm not a very good Christian. And maybe my confrontational nature has done more disservice to my friends than good. And maybe I'm not being confrontational enough in some areas.

I believe in God, I believe in 'Heaven' and eternal life (though the nature of such and the exact nature of life after death, we can discuss at another time). I believe in a "hell" (though the nature of such and the question of 'eternal torment', we can discuss at another time). As such I do wish that all my friends believed as I do and would be with me in eternity.

But I also know that most of my friends have looked at the same historical and archaeological evidence as me but have come to a different conclusion. Others look at those who claim to follow God and have determined if THAT is who God is, they want no part in it. It makes me sad. But if I truly love and respect my friends, is it better or worse to engage in endless discussion that isn't going to lead either of us to change our minds or is it better to just love and respect them?

 That brings me back to the debate question. This time of year, even though there are more important things in the world to discuss, the 'war on Christmas' always comes up. Was Jesus really born in a manger? Was she really a virgin? Was it December 25th? Shepherds? Angels? Wisemen? All that stuff? And is it really a 'war on Christmas' to argue against it?

A lot of arguments I've heard from atheists is that much of Jesus' story parallels that of other 'gods'. We'll save the discussion of Jesus death and resurrection as compared to other stories later and just talk about the birth story. First, the virgin question. Was Horus the Egyptian sun god born of a virgin? Well, first of all there's no evidence of that belief until well after the birth of Christ, but even if there were, so what? What about Buddha? Buddha's mother was married for 20 years before the Buddha came from her side (possibly a primitive c-section?) So doubtful. But even if he was, so what? Who copied who? Was Jesus the original "born from a virgin" or was that a tenant of other religions before? If the latter, so what?

What about December 25th? Jesus can't be real because so many other gods were born on December 25th and Christians just copied that. To that one I say "uh.. no". There is much more Biblical and historical evidence to suggest that Jesus was born in just about any other season except winter. The shepherds are the biggest give-away. Bethlehem is geographically situated about half a mile above sea level in what is basically a desert (even allowing for climate change over the last 2000 years, it was still very desert like). At that elevation at that time of year sheep would not be in the fields, day or night. There would be nothing for them to eat, they would have been penned up. The Biblical account says the shepherds were "tending their flocks by night". This points, most likely, to a summer time event. The days would have been very hot and too dangerous to be in the sun all day. Nights would have been cooler and safer to be out doors.

But why December 25th? To be honest, Christians stole it from 'pagan' celebrations of the Winter solstice. It was a marketing technique. "Hey, pagans, look over here! We're having a winter party too, only we have Jesus!" The celebration of Christmas, or to be precise, the "Christ Mass", didn't really exist until hundreds of years after the original writing of the gospels. Was that bad? Yea, kinda.

Born in a manger? What the freak is a manger? Most representations of a manger are a feeding trough. A box on legs full of hay. The gospel account says he was "laid in a manger". The Greek word translated as 'manger' is also used in Luke 13:15 and translated as "stall". Was it a feeding trough or just a stall lined with hay? My opinion? Meh. So what? Not sure we can know nor do I think it really matters. The gospel message of salvation is not changed if it was a trough or a stall.

Wisemen? Again, meh. It doesn't matter if they were there at the manger or later when Jesus was a toddler. What were their names? Where were they from? Meh. Does it matter? No not really.

War on Christmas? Hardly. It's more of a war to defend things that have no basis in history.

So then what does matter? What about Christmas is important? Should we not celebrate it at all because it's at best a fake Christian holiday and at worst a pagan celebration (full of pagan symbols like trees with lights)?

What's important is what is important to you. Don't believe in Jesus? That's OK. Don't think we should observe it at all because of it's pagan origins? That's OK too. What's important to you? Friends? Family? Food? Gifts? Fuzzy feel good feelings? It's all good. It's all great. If it's important to you, it's good.

Regardless of your beliefs, or non-beliefs, Christmas can be an amazing and awesome day. Don't let anyone convince you that you "have to" celebrate this way or that way. Even if you think the religious part of it is all wrong, so what? Enjoy the secular side. Enjoy the day off from work and the opportunity to party.

I'm off on tangents all over the place. But that's OK, it's my blog, I get to write what I want.

So, debate and confrontation. I love it. Should I? No, probably not. There's not enough love going around in the world. There needs to be more unity and harmony, or at the very least tolerance. (PS. Tolerance is not the same as acceptance. I tolerate my hemorrhoids, that doesn't mean I accept their right to exist.) Peace on earth and goodwill toward men should begin with me. Do you see Christ in me when I talk to you?

Probably not because all I want to do is argue with you. And I'm sorry. To you, guy I offended when you brought up gun control, I'm sorry. I was not kind when I could have been. It was obviously a very hot issue for you and all I did was make you more mad.

The world is a sad, tragic place this season. There are hurting people everywhere. Instead of insisting on standing my ground, I instead need to reach out in love and help you out of your hurt.

Merry Christmas to you, dear reader. If I have been unkind to you, I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me and give me an opportunity to make amends. And if you don't believe in Christmas, I say Merry Christmas anyway because to me it's not about pushing my belief on you, it's about a day of peace and love and harmony and I hope you find that, regardless of how you spend your day.

The Thankful Game - and how to suck at it.

It's the day before Thanksgiving here in the US. Over the course of the years the Wednesday before Thanksgiving has become as much of a "surrogate" holiday as Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, a day of grocery shopping, pie making, and for many, travelling.

The month before Thanksgiving, starting November 1st, has become a new holiday season. Many stores clear out the Halloween costumes and candy and put out the garland and tree decorations, but more than that, in our web-connected world, it's become it's own season. A season of thankfulness.

Many of my online friends played The Thankful Game this month. The Thankful game is where you use your blog or Facebook status or Twitter update to, once a day, tell something you are thankful for. The idea is that at the beginning of the game it's really easy, but as the days go on you are more and more challenged to think of things to be thankful fore and become more and more appreciative of the people and things and circumstances in your life.

I hate that game. I never play.

Why? Well, for one, it's kind of annoying. The first few days are always the same "my friends", "my family", "my job", "my house", "my dog"... on and on and on. Now don't get me wrong, those are great and fabulous things to have in your life and you should absolutely be thankful for them. But when 20 people on facebook are playing The Thankful Game and post their updates at about the same time every day and they all say pretty much the same thing ever single flipping day, it's kind of annoying. Really annoying. In fact I would say fingernails on a chalkboard annoying.

Another reason I don't play is, when it comes to Facebook, some people always need to comment on the things you say and make it about them. For example, if I post something like "I am really thankful that my chronic migraine is only at about 3 on the pain scale today instead of the usual 7" I get comments back like: "Oh I know just how you feel. Mine is at an 11 today when it's usually 17 and therefore much worse than yours and you should totally be grateful that your pain is less than mine and that you're able to talk about it because I'm on so much pain I can't move my hands an am typing with my left little toe because it's the only thing that hurts less than a 12." Ok, maybe not exactly that, but you get the idea. It has to be all about them and not just "hey that's great" or "I'm glad for you".

But overall the main reason I don't play is that The Thankful Game really misses the point. Absolutely I think that Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday and should be observed, but rather than fostering an attitude of thankfulness only a few days a year, we need to foster, develop, encourage, and grow that attitude in ourselves every DAY of the whole YEAR.

The Thankful Game needs to be played all the time. Now I'm not encouraging people to post on their social networks every day all the time. In fact please DON'T do that. Rather pray your thankfulness, if you are religiously inclined as I am - or keep it in your heart all day or write it down or privately express it in some way, if you are not. (In other words, thank God if you believe in him, thank karma or luck or your circumstances if you don't).

And that's when it really gets hard. Developing a sense of thankfulness every day of every year, no matter what else is going on in your life, is HARD. Can you be thankful when you get a flat tire and are stuck on the side of a busy highway with no spare? Can you be thankful when the dog has puppies and you didn't know she was pregnant... and she has them on your dry-clean only shirt that you needed for a business trip the next day? Can you be thankful laying in a hospital bed waiting for emergency surgery because your appendix has ruptured? Can you be thankful in the waiting room because someone else's appendix ruptured? Can you be thankful alone, in your room, when it seems no one is your friend and the loneliness buries you like a heavy wet blanket?

The only way to be bad at the Thankful Game is not to play. If you are reading this, it means you are among the wealthiest people on the planet. You have a home and electricity and light and a means to connect to the Internet. You also probably have a television to entertain you, a vehicle to get you places, and food in abundance. No matter your circumstances there is something to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.

A ranting rant that rants the rants that need ranting

It's been a bit since I've let loose a really good long rant, so let's go.

The election is over, thank God. And while I am certainly relieved that most of the candidates I voted for won, I would be just as relieved if the 'other side' had won because it's over.

What most people, and certainly the spinsters at the popular media outlets are failing to grasp is that the election is not the end, it's the beginning. Our vote is not the only voice we have, we are able to contact and work with our politicians, from the school board level to the federal government level. Most representatives have a website that you can email them through, they all have an office near your house (relatively speaking) that you can go to and make your wishes known.

So to those of your saying that Obama's re-election is "the end" and "the worst thing ever", the "worst thing ever" would be for you to live in fear and despair and not put the political machine to work for you. Is it a perfect machine, no, not by a long shot. Are there landmines and roadblocks in the way of getting what you want to happen, to happen? Oh yes. But the machine CAN work if YOU work.

And while we are on the topic of the election, the results seem to have given all the racists the opportunity to stop holding back and really let loose on Obama. So many that claimed their motives were not racist, but were really concern for the country are now just letting their mouths fly with every horrible racial slur they can seem to think of. And it's disgusting. I mean really, this is 21st century America and we're still dealing with racism? Martin Luther King, Jr. must be so ashamed.

And yet the lunacy continues. I had to block a facebook friend because she insists on carrying on with all this horrible stuff about whether Obama is an American or not and how he's an Islamic and how he's going to force Sharia law on this country and on and on. I tried to be accepting of her, I really did, but I just couldn't take anymore. So many of these people just want to live in fear and aren't taking reality into account. They don't have one shred of proof to stand on and insist that their paranoia is as legitimate as other people's facts. I for one cannot live in fear, I choose hope. And love.

And yes, maybe it's contradictory to say love when I deleted her, but I didn't know her in real life, I tried to get to know her, but she had such fear. I cannot do fear. It was time to let her go. Maybe in 4 years when she sees that this country is still ok, and probably a whole lot better, she'll see her fear was misplaced.

It's my birthday in a couple days. I turn 45 this year. I honestly never thought I would live this long. And 6 years ago when I started down this path that has put me in the health condition I find myself in I honestly felt that this was the end for me.

But for whatever reason I am still here. Some say that God doesn't take you until your mission on earth is finished. I don't know if I believe that. Certainly God can work through the things I do, or don't do, for the good of all, but I don't know if God has a "purpose" or "mission" or "calling" for each of us. I think for some He does, but for everyday shmoes like me I think He just asks us to follow, learn, and listen. If you happen to do something that falls in line with God's wishes, so much the better.

And since we're talking about God, let's talk about how He figured in the election. So so much came from the "religious right" this time that it's hard to sort out what was real and what was just media hype. From a Mormon candidate to the pro-life movement, to the downright weirdness of claiming that Obama will bring about the end times, religion played a big part in how people voted.

I had many friends tell me their vote was strictly based on the pro-life stance. They honestly felt that electing Romney would bring an end to abortion. That, to me, is sad. The issue of abortion is so much more complicated than who gets elected President. Roe v. Wade was a decision handed down from the Supreme court and not a piece of legislation, therefore it will be no simple task for a President or anyone else to walk in and say "oop, that has to go". Also, there is so much more going on in America than abortion rights.

Don't get me wrong, I think your faith should guide your actions when it comes to voting as much as it should guide you in other aspects of your life. However, focusing on one issue and declaring that you are doing God's Will with your vote based on that one issue, I don't think that's the way to go. If God is concerned about abortion He's also concerned about hunger and healthcare and fiscal responsibility and war and ... and ... and.... God is bigger than one issue.

And even within that one issue there is so much variation in opinions. I have written on my own position on abortion. Most people would call me pro-choice, but my view is so much more complex than the black and white most people boil it down to. I want abortion to end, but it can't end by legislation. Government's role in ending abortion isn't to legislate it one way or another, it should be in supporting programs that end unwanted pregnancies.

Also there are many that voted or didn't vote for one or the other Presidential candidate, and many that voted for neither, based on their religious affiliation - or what some claimed was their affiliation. Many conservatives that would have voted for any other Republican candidate refused to vote for Romney because he belongs to the LDS church. Many liberals wouldn't vote for Obama because of the rumor that he is Muslim. It was a very sad situation all the way around. As I said before, faith should guide your actions, but your faith or the faith some claim you have, has no real bearing on your ability to do a job.

And then there was the whole movement that Christians shouldn't vote at all. The claim was that God is in control so why should we bother? Our vote makes no difference because God chooses our leaders. God grants all authority so our vote means nothing. I think this is a mistaken premise and have written about it elsewhere in this blog, but my point is it was just more of the madness that surrounded this election.

But I ramble...

So how do we move forward? I'm not sure we can, not as united Americans, not like we've been able to do in the past. I think the false division that has been fostered by the media has become a real division, even if it is only based on emotion and fear and that chasm is too wide to be crossed, not without drastic changes to our political system.

How do we make those changes? I don't know. I'm not an expert by any means, but I think the first thing we do is do away with the electoral college, go to a popular vote, change the way we vote, allow voting to happen over a period of time rather than a day, and allow electronic means of voting over the Internet. This will change the way candidates campaign and how they spend campaign funds. Also, though it's probably impossible without a huge grass-roots movement, we need to end the two-party political system that prevents our government from actually working. Too much power is given to one party or the other to inhibit the functioning of government at any given time on any given issue.

So what else is bugging me lately?

My head. My head is freaking killing me. It's getting worse. The migraine thing is nearly constant. Sometimes it' sbig, most times it's small, but small for a migraine is still really freaking painful. Not to mention the dizziness, nausea, the blinky light thing that affects my vision. It really really sucks.

Anyone who claims that people who support "Obamacare" and other public assistance programs are "lazy" and just "want the government to care for them" I will gladly give them just 2 minutes of my headache. I would trade anything to have enough health to be able to work a normal job. Any job. Do I enjoy sitting here, day after day, pill after pill, doing pretty much nothing other than trying to control my pain enough to keep from crapping my own pants? Seriously do you think I just want to be taken care of? This disease or condition or whatever it is has taken everything from me. It's stripped me of my manhood, cost me the respect of my wife and children and just about every friendship I had (though I have made new ones thanks to the Internet). I don't want government care, I want to be fixed.


That enough ranting for now. See you later.

Biblical Reasons Why Christians Should Vote

Over the course of the last 3 days or so, I have heard from at least 3 different sources - Christian/Church sources - the opinion that Christians shouldn't vote or be involved in the political process in any form.

In this article I want to flesh out their Biblical arguments and also answer them Biblically to demonstrate why, as Christians, it is important not just to vote but to be very involved in our American political system.

First of all, let me state that one of the sources  is close to me and I am in no way intentionally showing any disrespect for this source or the other things that come from it. I am simply expressing my opinion which happens to be in opposition to this source on this topic. We as Christians do not have to agree on everything except one thing:" ...God gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life..."

So let's dive in. The sources will remain anonymous out of respect and I will address their arguments as a whole, but their talking points were all pretty much the same and can be found on the web by searching for "Why Christians Shouldn't Vote", the sites you will find present my sources in pretty much the same way.

The crux of this opinion is two-fold. First, Christians are not of this "earthly kingdom" and we should not put our trust in earthly leaders. The second, that God has ordained all earthly authority and therefore voting or not voting makes no difference because God places those who have authority in those positions.

We'll unpack the first: Christians are not of this world, our citizenship is in heaven.

This argument comes from this verse (and others like it). Here, Jesus is talking about his followers:

They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. - John 17:16 

And also:

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ - Philippians 3:20

And they are right. When we became Christians, we became part of the Kingdom of Heaven. That is our real home. We are no longer of this world.
Paul, in his letters such as the letter to the Philippians quoted above, tells us that our citizenship is in heaven. But when he needed to, he exercised his rights as a Roman citizen as well.
But when they had stretched him out for the whips, Paul said to the centurion who was standing by, “Is it lawful for you to flog a man who is a Roman citizen and uncondemned?”  - Acts 22:25

But Paul said to them, “They have beaten us publicly, uncondemned, men who are Roman citizens, and have thrown us into prison; and do they now throw us out secretly? No! Let them come themselves and take us out.” - Acts 16:27
What does that tell us about what Paul believed? Some might argue that in those cases he was scared and lost faith for a moment and chickened out. Well, maybe. But considering he used the opportunities to preach the Gospel, I don't think so. I think he understood, as we do, that while our citizenship is in Heaven, we have to live on this earth and should use every opportunity to do good.

A tangent to this argument comes from Ephesians 6:12

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

And also 2 Timothy 2:3-4

Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.  No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

In other words, since our citizenship is not of this world, we are to fight the fight of the Kingdom of God and not worry about earthly battles, such as politics. We should speak only of Christ, sharing the gospel with everyone and not waste any energy on earthly pursuits.

And yes, as Christians we are to always fight the good fight and always aim to make disciples of all people. But does that mean we spend every waking moment doing just that?
The reality is we live in a world where we have to work to provide for ourselves and our families. If we as Christians were to just walk away from our earthly responsibilities, the results would be disastrous. Furthermore, should we give up TV and radio and movies and books and art and do nothing but preach Christ? I don't think so.
Paul understood that people had to work to meet their earthly needs.
[Paul] found a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had commanded all the Jews to leave Rome. And he went to see them, ³ and because he was of the same trade he stayed with them and worked, for they were tentmakers by trade. - Acts 18:2-3
Paul also talks about living in a secular world and dealing with unbelieving neighbors:
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. - I Corinthians 10:31
In this context I am reminded of the words often attributed to Francis of Assisi (though the exact source is not known):
"Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words."
My opinion is that THIS is how you preach the Gospel always and fight the good fight. Not always with your words, but with your example. In our day to day life of working and shopping and Internetting and so on we are always to be the highest example of Christ even when we cannot use words. 

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How does this apply to voting and the political process? Well, first of all, I do feel that during the political season, that Christians should be above the ugliness of the process. Talk about it, express your opinion in polite company, certainly, but avoid malice and slander. Stick to facts. 

And then vote according to what you feel is the best example of Christ. The Bible tells us that we are salt and light in this world, we are a city on a hill. Our vote, as with every other aspect of our life should preach the gospel.

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Part 2 of the 'Christians should be apolitical' argument come from Romans 13:1-2:

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there  is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.  Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 

And 1 Peter 2:13-14:

Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.

And again, yes, this is true. And good. And right. But while the stations of authority are given by God, does that mean the men in those stations are chosen by God? Are we to obey no matter what?
I don't think so. Peter in Acts 5:28-29 gives us an example:

“We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name,” he [the high priest] said. “Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and are determined to make us guilty of this man’s blood.” Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!"
Also, the early believers prayed in Acts 4:26:
‘Why did the Gentiles rage,    and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth set themselves,    and the rulers were gathered together,    against the Lord and against his Anointed
If they believed that the kings were God's authority, why would they be worried about them setting themselves against God?
The examples of Paul exercising his Roman citizenship given above apply here as well. If he were subject to the authority over him, why would he appeal to a higher authority?

The question of the early church presents itself here. There was much persecution. How did the church survive if the believers did not resist authority? If they had simply given in to the men that were seeking to kill them, they would have been wiped out. If those men were appointed by God, why would they want to wipe out the church?
Also if authority is from God to the man and not the station, why do we have examples of men choosing men to fill the stations ordained by God?
Therefore, brothers, pick out from among you seven men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we will appoint to this duty.  But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.”  And what they said pleased the whole gathering, and they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit, and Philip, and Prochorus, and Nicanor, and Timon, and Parmenas, and Nicolaus, a proselyte of Antioch. - Acts 6:3-5
And when they had appointed elders for them in every church, with prayer and fasting they committed them to the Lord in whom they had believed. - Acts 14:23
Choose for your tribes wise, understanding, and experienced men, and I will appoint them as your heads.’ - Deuteronomy 1:13
Another point: The book of Revelation. There are too many references to cite here, but over and over again we are told the nations and the kings of the world will be destroyed. If God ordained those nations and kings, why do they have to be destroyed? The only explanation is that the men in the stations are not following God.

A tangent to this argument is that "Paul, an educated man, would have knows about democracy, yet he never mentioned it" and "Jesus never taught about democracy so why should we participate in one?"

And yes, democracy had existed prior to the time of Christ. And Paul, being highly educated, may have known of this form of government. The Roman Republic had only just dissolved recently, probably within the lifetime of Paul's parents or grandparents. However, at the time of his writings and ministry, no one he reached lived in a democracy. Rome, at the time, was run by the emperor. If anyone he had written to had be lived in a democratic society, he probably would have written about it.
It's also important to note that democracy as it existed prior to Paul's time and even during Paul's time in other parts of the world, was very different from our American republic. In most cases, only citizens could vote. To be a citizen you had to be a land owner. As a land owner you were also a farmer, a business man. So, in essence, only businesses could vote. Even within them there was a hierarchy of a ruling class and a subordinate classes, with the hierarchy having a larger vote than the lower classes.

And the question "What would Jesus do?" Some might say "Jesus wouldn't vote, why should we?"

Well, honestly, it's hard to know what Jesus would do since the gospels don't record any situation similar to casting a vote to hire a leader. This is a red-herring argument.

   
There are other arguments against voting and participating in politics that you may here:

There are other things God chooses, your parents, the country you live in, whether or not you are saved, whether there is gravity... so be thankful that He chooses your leaders too.

Well, OK, but then why doesn't God choose other things good for me, like only giving me a taste for vegetables, clean water from my city, immunity to all disease? How does God pick and choose some thing and not others? And how does he determine which He chooses and which I choose?

Another is "has government ever changed the world for the better? Why would you want to participate in that?"

This one is funny in light of the previous argument that God gives all authority. If all authority, government, is from God, and government hasn't changed the world for the better, then we're blaming God for the government?
And besides, there is the Emancipation Proclimation, Women's right to vote, freedom of speech and religion, traffic laws that keep people from dying... I would say there is much that the government has done that has made the world better. More than has harmed the world.

The final argument I will discuss: "people's lives aren't changed by law, only by the gospel".

And this is very true. People's lives are not changed by law. However, they are maintained and protected by the law. Yes, only the gospel can save a man's soul, but earthly law, when followed and exercised (as Paul did exercising his Roman citizenship) can protect a man's earthly life allowing him to continue doing much good.

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So should Christians participate in politics or not? I believe my points above demonstrate that, if your heart so convicts you in your Christian walk, YES, PLEASE VOTE! It is one way to act as the salt and light in this world, in one small way it is preaching as you practice.

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Further points to consider:

1. Voting publicly recognizes that we submit to the authority of the political system in our nation as established by God. Romans 13:1-7. (This expands on our argument from earlier. If God has established a democracy, then he means us to participate in it.)

2. Voting recognizes the equality of all people and their right to speak and be heard. James 2:1.

3. Voting is one way that we can obey God’s command to seek the good of those around us and our nation as a whole. Philippians 2:3.

4. Voting shows that we care deeply about who our leaders are as we are urged to offer prayer and intercession on their behalf. 1 Timothy 2:1, 2 . (Again, if God placed the people in the stations of authority, why do we need to pray for them?)

5. Voting is a simple yet significant way we can do something about politics in our nation. ‘All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing, Edmund Burke. Psalms 34:14.

6. Voting makes a difference in the same way a grain of salt makes a difference, and that is how we are to influence our society for good. Matthew 5:13. (Another way of stating my salt and light argument...)

7. Voting is a privilege not to be taken for granted. Those of us who reap the benefits of living in a democracy should play a part in upholding democracy.

8. Not voting is a form of voting, as it will influence the outcome. We need to take responsibility for our actions, as well as our lack of actions. I Peter 1:13.

9. Voting is part of our stewardship to use all the resources we have been given in ways that honor God; to waste a vote is to squander a gift.

10. Voting is Biblical. Jesus commands us to fulfill our responsibility to the civil authority. Matthew 22:21. (Render unto Ceasar... our government asks us to vote, so shouldn't we render unto them our vote?)

All verses are from the English Standard Version unless otherwise specified.

I am Christian, but not part of the Christian Right

Christian Conservative, Conservative Christian, Christian Right, Religious Right,whatever they want to call themselves it all means the same thing, at least in the United States: Christians (or those who call themselves Christian)  and others of faith that support the Republican party.

I do respect the movement in the fact that they are standing up for what they think is right. At heart they are standing for what they believe are Biblical values and are trying to promote those values in the American political system. However, I think that they are foundationally flawed in their platform and therefore are not correct in their political views.

Let me explain.

I am a Christian. I believe in the Bible. It is a recorded history of God's people and the teachings of Christ and therefore the Word of God. However, I do not agree with what many claim the Bible says.

The Christian Right - as I will refer to them for the rest of this post - at least in it's modern incarnation, had it's foundation in the '70s. Jerry Falwell and his followers in the "Moral Majority" began a campaign to involve Christians more pro-actively in the political process. Roughly during the Carter administration the movement began to take shape and though Falwell and others did not take direct aim at Carter, they did promote an image of  "... godless, spineless leaders have brought our nation floundering to the brink of death." My own theory is that this lead to Reagan being elected in 1980 and under Reagan's administration the Christian Right found solid roots to become what it is today.

And what is it today? What things characterize the Christian Right?

Pro-life. That is to say, anti-abortion. Abortion is abomination and needs to be stopped, made illegal.

Educational reform. The Bible and Biblical values should be taught in public school. This includes no longer teaching evolution and instead teaching creation or at least intelligent design.

Sex education. The prevailing view is that 'abstinence only' is the best way to teach sex. Others feel that sex education is the responsibility of parents and should not be taught in school.

Sexuality (particularly homosexuality). The prevailing view in the Christian Right is that homosexuality is a choice and a sin and therefore should not be presented in any context as 'normal' and homosexuals should not be allowed to marry or otherwise receive the rights assigned to "traditional marriage". Some even refer to a "homosexual agenda" that must be stopped.

Lately some in the Christian Right have described a "war on Christianity" by the government citing cases where some have sued to have "under God" removed from the pledge of allegiance, the false assertions that prayer is not allowed in public schools, and so on.

There are many other things that form the "platform" of the Christian Right, but these are the things that I have the most problem with and find it difficult - impossible actually - to align myself with them. Let me run them down.

Abortion rights. Since 1973, with the Roe vs. Wade case in the Supreme Court, a woman's right to an abortion has been protected in the United States. In short, she has the right to choose. Since that time many many many attempts have been made to get that decision overturned and all of them have failed.

Here's my take. Abortion is horrible. Abortion is murder.  That may be a harsh way to put it but that is my feeling. Abortion stops a beating heart and ends a life. 

With maybe a very few exceptions, I don't think any woman who has had an abortion would say that it was an easy decision for them. It's not something women take lightly.

But the decision has already been made. Pandora's box has already been opened. Women have the right to choose. No matter what happens, no matter who is elected, there is no way, absolutely no way that decision by the Supreme Court, is going to be overturned. Many attempts have been made and they have all failed. Even if you claim that a conservative President could do it, we've had Reagan, George HW Bush, and George W Bush. None of them even came close to getting it done.

Abortion as an issue in political elections is a red herring. It's a paper-mache carrot hung in front of the Christian Right to get them to vote. Common sense tells us that it can never, ever be made illegal and ending abortion by legislative means won't happen.

In other words, voting on the right simply to protect unborn children is a waste of your vote. Abortion can't be made illegal. It just can't. The only way to end abortion is to make it unnecessary. I don't feel the Republican party, as influenced by the Christian Right, has a plan in place to do that. 

Education Reform. I do feel that our current education system would benefit from the careful application of some Biblical values. I do not feel, however, that our public school system should be teaching The Bible, nor do I feel that the lessons in the Bible should be taught over prevailing scientific theories.

In other words, I think "love thy neighbor" is a great thing to teach. But once you start down the path of teaching The Bible as a guidebook to life you run into a whole SLEW of problems. Which version? Which interpretation? Should we teach what this church teaches or that church? How is this passage to be presented? And so on and so on and so on. If Biblical teaching is so important to parents, then they should take their kids to someone that has been taught the Bible. In other world, the Bible should be taught by those who went to Bible college (and those taught by that person). Those people are found in churches. You can find a church that most matches your view of what the Bible says. Find it and take your kids there if you want them taught the Bible.

The question of Evolution vs. Creation (or Intelligent Design) is at heart a religious - or at least philosophical - question. It has no place in the science classroom. Science teachers teach science. Period. Science is not anti-religion. I don't think religion is really anti-science either, but there are those who disagree. In either case, science needs to be taught. Regardless of one's religious beliefs, science HAS to be taught if we are going to keep America strong. And that means teaching the theory of evolution. 

There is a huge misunderstanding and villainization of Charles Darwin and his writings. Darwin did not write something that disproves the Bible, he wrote science. He wasn't out to kill God, he was out to figure things out. That's all science is, figuring things out.

No one will argue that on some level Darwin's theories are true. You can see it. Every farmer, pet breeder, insect exterminator can explain the basics of evolution. Characteristics of parents are passed down to children. Characteristics that are strengthened by the environment are more likely to be passed to the next generation. No one argues that.  The problem comes with you extend that line of thinking and draw links between on species and another and start seeing common ancestry and tracing that line of thinking all the way back to a single common ancestor for all life. That's when the Christian Right gets twitchy because "that's not what the Bible says."

My thinking: so what? You want the Bible taught to your kids, take them to an expert in the Bible. You don't agree with the theory of evolution, fine, tell you kids that, BUT THEY STILL NEED TO BE TAUGHT IT. Why? Because it is the prevailing theory in our day and age and so much that has come out of that theory pervades other branches of science as it exists today. In other words, you want your children to be smart, you want America to have the advantage over other countries, then kids have to be taught evolution, agree with it or not.

Now I am a Christian, doesn't that mean that I am hating on God's word by promoting evolution? No. Here's what I believe: The Bible tells us God created the world and the heavens and the earth and everything that is in it in 6 days. Except for Adam and Eve (made from the dust of the ground and Adam's rib respectively) the Bible does not tell us how everything was created. 



My own theory, just me and not supported by anything except my own brain, is that it may be something like this:

Think of a guy working in a fireworks factory. He builds those big shells that you see on the 4th of July, the ones that shoot up in the air and then burst into sparks and colors, making shapes and colors that make everyone say "oo" and "aaahh". Everything in that big, bright display is carefully planned. The fireworks artist knows that when he puts in this ingredient that it will make things green, and when he puts in these pellets that they will make whistles, and so on. He knows exactly what each thing he puts in will do and how it will react with other things and exactly how it will look when it goes off.

God made the Universe that way. He put in just the right ingredients so that it will expand and grow and glow in just the way He wants it to. He packed it all in and then BANG - the so called Big Bang. Created in 6 days, then exploding and unfolding for millions of years.

Just my take on it. You can call that intelligent design if you want. But do I feel my theory should be taught in public schools? No. Why? God, the Bible, do no belong in the science classroom. I don't want my preacher teaching science, I don't want my science teacher teaching the Bible. Simple as that.



Ok - on to the next topic.

Sex education. On the one hand, I do feel that the primary responsibility for teaching our kids about sex lies with the parents. However, the environment of the 21st century household may make that teaching difficult. At best parents can speak from their own education and experience. If sex education is taught in public schools it needs to balance what is taught at home with what science and medicine and psychology have to offer. In our modern society venereal disease is a reality and things change so quickly and scarily that parents can't keep up and that's where public educators come in.

On the question of abstinence. I think that's awesome. Preach it. But you need to face the reality that "kids are doing it anyway" and an "abstinence only" stance is not only irresponsible, it's dangerous. Even the most religious, devout teenager can be swept up in peer pressure and hormones. To leave them with only the message "just don't do it" can lead to all sorts of disasters. The message "don't do it" needs to be given along with "but if you do, then you need to be aware of this and this and this.." I put myself in some very dangerous positions when I was in high school. I dodged many bullets, but not all kids are so lucky. If I had been taught the pitfalls of sex I might have acted in much different ways.

That brings us to sexuality. In particular homosexuality. How do we handle this?

To be honest, this one is hard for me. Many point to verses in Leviticus and other places in the Old Testament to show homosexuality is wrong. That doesn't line up with me because those same sections teach about restrictions on what to eat, what to wear, and so on and if we're going to follow the rules about homosexuality, then we have to follow the others as well. There are places in the New Testament that mention it. Those are harder to wrap my brains around.

But regardless of what I think or believe, it doesn't change that this is an issue in our society. Many will tell you that homosexuality is a choice. I don't think so. I honestly haven't had a lot of contact with gay people but those I have talked to, to a one, do not describe 'being gay' as something they chose. Every one of them said they 'always knew' and 'since they were a kid' they had just 'been that way'.

Now, I do think that there are cases among young people, because of how they are treated by their peers, or something that happened at home, or some other thing, where they are having trouble defining their identity and personality and someone will say or do something that makes them take a path on a sexual lifestyle that does not really line up with who they are. That works both ways, gay kids trying to live straight and straight kids trying to live gay, because they are confused. In that respect there are cases where it might seem that someone is "cured" of being gay or someone is "recruited" into being gay when in actuality they are either dealing with that confusion or overcoming that confusion and living their true identity.

All that being said, here's what I think: No matter what I believe or the church believes or others believe, individual people, just themselves, are responsible for being true to themselves. It's not my job or anyone else's to tell someone what to believe, how to act, or who to be. If they are interested in finding out more about what I believe, great! I'll bring them to church. But other than that, I do no think it's anyone else's job to tell others what to do in their own morality.

And gay marriage? Why not? They'd have to pay for marriage licenses, that adds to the public coffers. The marriage ceremonies will lead to a stimulation of the local economy  - gifts and so forth. And public recognition of that relationship makes it easier for loved ones to take care of each other. Many speak of the "sanctity of marriage" and "traditional marriage". The sanctity of MY marriage is not threatened by the marriage or non marriage of someone else, only I and my wife have anything to do with that. And "traditional marriage"... traditions change.

"Gay marriage" is inevitable. You might vote to try to stop it, and your candidate, if elected, might be able to hold it off for a while, but it is inevitable. It will become a reality in every state in the United States. If that is the only reason you are casting your vote, then you are wasting your vote.

And that brings me to my final talking point. The "War on Religion".

I only have one thing to say on that. Until our government starts raiding churches, carrying away preachers that are never seen or heard from again, until armed forces crash though our neighborhoods, destroying the homes and businesses of those who believe a certain way, until someone pins an emblem to your clothing marking you as belonging to a certain religious group, then don't talk to me about a war on Religion.

You are still free to go to your church. You are still free to read your Bible. You are still free to watch religious programming that is still allowed to come into your home. Until any of those above things happen, it is INSULTING to say that your religion is under attack. It insults those in other countries, China for example, where the Christian church really is under attack. It's insulting to those missionaries that have laid down their lives trying to share the love of Christ with others. It's insulting to 6 million Jewish men women and children that died at the hands of the Nazis in the 30s and 40s.

Insulting.

And to claim that one party or another is out to expunge religion from America... insulting. Yes, times have changed. The attitudes of people regarding religion in public places, schools for example, have changed since the 50s. That doesn't mean that those times were "better" religiously speaking, it just means people had a different attitude. My kids can still say "under God" during the pledge of allegiance (if their classroom does it at all). They can still pray in their classroom so long as they don't jump up and disrupt things to lead a public prayer. Prayer is a personal thing anyway and I feel it's better for them to do it quietly, privately. (As long as there are math tests, there will always be prayer in school.)

The only war on religion in the United States is a war by the Christian Right insisting that 'their' religion is right and the choices of others is wrong.

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So, Mr. Author of this Blog who calls himself Christian - why don't you tell us what you really think.

I am part of a small but growing group, not really organized more than just sharing common beliefs, that calls ourselves The Christian Left. Now I am not saying that by calling myself that that I am fully aligned with the far left and "liberals". For me, in my political life, my Christians beliefs have led me to a place that is "not on the right", and by that definition, I am on the left.

But what does that mean?

I means that I have read the Bible. Many times and am reading it again now. I have found that what the Bible says is not what the Christian Right would have you believe. To represent the true love of Christ we should support a government that takes care of all people in the country and not tell people what they can't do with their own life and body.

That's that. No complicated theology. Theology has no place in politics. 

Thanks for letting me rant some more.