The Struggle To Be A Real Person

I want to be real. I'm freaking Pinocchio, trapped in a wooden body, fighting to break out and become a real boy.

And in some sense that is literally true. I am trapped in a body wracked with pain and limited mobility and often crippling headaches that render me unproductive for days and sometimes weeks.

But I am talking about something we all struggle with. We want to be what we perceive as our perfect self. We see that there is a version of ourselves that we want to be. Maybe that has to do with our job, or our kids or where we live, but overall I think we all see a version of ourselves that has more to do with habits and hangups than it does with outward appearance.

"If only"... if only I could quit smoking. If only I could lose weight. If only I could be a better spouse. If only I could stop doing x. If only I could start doing y.

If only.

Friends, "if only" will kill you. Literally. I'm being very serious here. Chasing that "if only" will literally kill you. Maybe not quickly, but it will steal your life and leave you staring at your mortality with a wasted life.

We all want to be better. We all want to do better. And that's good. We should all want to be our true self. The problem comes when we look toward that true self and weigh it on the scale with 'if only' and see the huge pile of 'if only' outweighing the potential of reaching the true self.

And we feel like a failure. And we feel small and worthless. We feel this way because it just seems like an insurmountable mountain of 'ifs' that we need to overcome to become our true self.

Friends, let me make this really clear.

You are perfect as your are.

Let me say again, YOU are PERFECT as YOU ARE.

YOU ARE PERFECT AS YOU ARE. RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.

I don't care what your boss or your doctor or your church or family or anyone else is telling you.

Your true self is who you are right now. It's not an ideal that you have to waste your life to achieve.

Ok so you have this issue or that. You might have an addiction you need to deal with. You might be overweight. Yes, those are real things that you need to work on.

But those aren't the real you. Those aren't barriers to get to your true self. They're just globs of dirt that you need to brush off. Your true self is you as you are right now.

Everything you want to be  is here. Now. Anything you see as a barrier is an illusion.

What is really stopping you from being who you are? Fear. Specifically fear of failure.

I have one question for you: Who flipping cares?


Ask yourself this: If you had unlimited resources and unlimited time, what would you do with your life? Put aside the mansion and the sex partners and the piles of guns and consider, really consider, what you would DO? Put aside your family and friends and the selfish things and consider actually what you would DO as a vocation. What is that THING you would DO that you want to be. Is it a writer? An athlete? A philanthropist? Movie maker? Comedian? Lecturer? Teacher?

Now ask yourself this: Even though you don't have unlimited resources and time, what can you do to do that thing you want to do? What is honestly stopping you? Put aside your need to make enough money to eat and have a place to live, that's your job, it's not who you are. What can you do, in spite of your job, to become that thing you want to be?

There is really only one answer, isn't there? Fear. What if I do it and I suck at it?

Let me let you in on a little secret. You will suck at it. Everyone that has done something you consider great has also done something that is a complete disaster. But here's the secret:

They kept trying. They KEEP trying. They DO.

I am writing as much to myself as to you. I live in fear of failure. Of failing my family, of failing my church, of failing my God. (Yes, I am a 'religious' person, this may or may not apply to you). What do I want my real self to be?

I just want my real self to be .... real. I don't want to be the mask that I put on to hide my pain and disability. I don't want to be the mask I put on to hide my addictions and stuggles.

I want to be that person that lives without fear.

I am in my late fourties. My life is probably more than half over. My father died in his 50s. I could lament over how much time I have wasted. I could cry over how many lost opportunites I have had. I could be angry about how much time I have wasted in fear.

But I'm not going to do that. I don't want you to do that. I want you to dare to be real. It doesn't matter what you define as your real self. Just DO IT.

Do it. Go. Do. Fail. Get up. Fail some more. Who cares? What is the worst that could happen? Well, ok, you could die. But unless what you are trying to is skydiving or Russian Roulette, is death really on the list of worst things that could happen?

Christian And Liberal

I am a liberal. That is to say that my political views, for the most part, line up on the side of others that call themselves liberal.

I am pro-choice. I support same-sex marriage. I support the use of government assistance programs, such as SNAP (food stamps), The Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), and Social Security. I support unions. And generally, overall, I believe that government should solve the common problems of the people they govern.

I am also Christian. I believe in God, that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God. That God has revealed himself in the writings of the books of the Bible. (I won't go deeper into theology than that, but if you'd like to talk about it, please ask.)

Some, many in fact, claim that I cannot be both Christian and Liberal. That if I believe in the Bible that I cannot be pro-choice, pro same-sex marriage, and most of all I cannot be pro-"government should help people". Others have written long treatise on what they see as Biblical evidence that a conservative political view is what God wants us to have.

I am not going to argue against a conservative view. And I'm not going to argue for a liberal view. Rather I just want to share how I got to where I am.

When I first became a Christian, about 14 years ago (well, I have always considered myself "Christian" since I was a teen and went to church camp, but I can't say I really became a serious "church going" Christian until relatively recently, but that's another story...) I was convinced that I had to have a conservative view. The biggest issue at the time, at least in the circles I was in, was the pro-life/pro-choice argument. God doesn't want people killing babies. And, like now, the view was either "you're on this side" or "you're wrong". And I didn't want to be wrong. And God is boss, He says "don't kill babies", so therefore I had to support the side that was pro-life. That meant a conservative political view and in the US that meant I vote republican.

I hadn't really been involved in the political process up to that point. But at the same time I became an active Christian I also became an active voter.

Churches aren't allowed to talk about politics, but they are allowed to talk about the issues. During the 2000 election, what we heard about the most was abortion. And how it's just plain wrong for any reason. Many of us believed that Bush was going to end abortion. (This was pre-9/11 and terrorism and war weren't in the headlines yet.) We really honestly believed it. I think Bush even said if a bill banning abortion landed on his desk he would sign it. In my circles, that was really the only issue during that election.

I was naive. I was new to the political process, in spite of being in my 30s. I honestly thought that we could make it happen. It didn't. 4 years later the country was at war. Or at least we were led to believe it was war. The War On Terror. And This Is America! We're not going to let them win! And we heard about how God is on our side and that the war was the most important thing. Any talk of ending the war just wan't in God's will. So Bush won again. And yes I voted for him again.

And this is where I started to see the light. As I started to learn about the government, how it really works, and things like debt and deficit, taxes and spending, the debt ceiling, states' rights vs. federal jurisdiction, and so on, I found that there are things that are way more complicated than I was made to believe.

I will continue to use the pro-life issue as an example. I learned that government can't, and really won't ever, completely do away with the infamous Roe v. Wade decision. And even if they they did, that won't end abortion. The issue is way more complex than "don't kill unborn babies".

What the issue really is about is thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, practices, attitudes, money, fear,etc. It's way more complicated than "you can do this" or "you can't do this".

The opinion of the church I was in at the time, and the continuing view of many churches, is that it was our job to fix the world. And the way we start doing that is to use government and legislation to enforce God's will (or what we saw as God's will) on the world. In other words, to put it bluntly, it was our job to force people to follow God's plan by making laws that would make it illegal not to follow God's plan.

And what I came to realize is that many thought God and his followers were kind of a bunch of assholes (in their opinion). They saw us as a bunch of people that just wanted to force everyone to follow their God and had no respect for their religious positions. We honestly believed that the founding fathers were Christian, that America was supposed to be a Christian nation, and freedom of religion really meant to be whatever Bible believing Christian you wanted, but not anything else.

So I started to ask questions. My first was "I don't think I'm an asshole, why do others?" I read the news. I talked to friends. Facebook wasn't a thing yet, but I had chatroom friends and I talked to them. I talked to people that had an abortion, I asked people why they were pro-life or pro-choice. I talked to doctors.

And the answer I came to is that people saw Christians of my ilk as assholes because they didn't bother to investigate the issues. We saw only black and white, right and wrong. And no issue, especially not abortion, is ever black and white.

This was about the time that the Westboro Baptist folks started getting a lot of attention with their protests at soldiers funerals and their "God hates Fags" signs and so forth. Non-Christians started seeing all Christians as they saw the Westboro Baptist folks.

And you know what? They were right. While many in the church were condemning their methods, many more were agreeing with Westboro's message. Many in the church really did think God hates fags and that dead soldiers were God's punishment to America for killing babies and so on and so on. People had stopped seeing the gospel message of love and hope as a message of love and hope. Now we were a group of people of division, doom, and hate.

And I began to hate me for being part of it. I was part of a system that was not only spreading the wrong message, but in our votes and political actions we were hurting people.

At the time I came to this conclusion, I was managing a Christian bookstore. Almost every book on the shelf supported a conservative world view. Every book I sold propagated a system that I didn't agree with.

And then I learned something else. Christian and conservative were not married. In spite of what many would have me think, faith and political views are not co-dependent.

This changed things. Most of all, it changed my faith. I stopped reading the Bible looking to support my politics and started reading it for what it was. It's not a political manual. The only politics in it is within the history of the Israelite people as it's recorded. There's stories of kings and assassinations and scandal. And there is beautiful poetry, and sad songs of lament and depression. And there are rules for living a life of joy and being with other people. Overall it is a story of love.

And one rule stood out to me, as it should to all who believe in Jesus. "Love your neighbor as yourself".

If there is one thing that, to me, describes the liberal political position more than any other, it is that. Love people. Take care of people.

At that moment, I became fully liberal.

But Allen, how can you reconcile "thou shalt not kill" with the pro-choice view?

Again, I've been using abortion as the example, there are other issues, political and otherwise that led to my political shift, but let's continue.

My view is that abortion cannot and will not end with political action. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe the act of abortion is murder. It stops a beating heart. And when abortion ends I will be leading the parade in celebration. But HOW we end it is where my opinion differs from my conservative friends.

Abortion ends when every pregnancy is wanted and every child has a home. We do that through education, even with very young children. We do that through birth control (something some Christians won't agree with) that is easily available, super effective, and really cheap. We work to eliminate poverty, provide good healthcare, and... and... Am I dreaming? Maybe. Can it happen? I think so. But it takes time, money, a change in attitude.

And that's how it is with every other issue. I and my conservative brothers and sisters want the same end results in most cases. What we don't agree on is government's role in getting us from here to there.

So here I am. I've gone from thinking I had to be extremely conservative, to realizing I can accept my political view and still reconcile it with my faith.

And that's the crux of it. Religion shapes my world view, including my politics. This is true for everyone. But I think it's important for people to really honestly examine what they think they believe and stop listening to the loudest voices around them. If your preacher says "a christian should do this", think about it. Do you agree that you should do that? What does the Bible say about that topic? What proof did your preacher provide for that argument?

The same is true for other faiths. Do you agree with your leaders' teachings? Do your religion's writings support what your leaders say?

In other words, do you really believe what they are telling you to believe? The Bible says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding". Some take this to mean "follow your leaders" but I don't think so. I think that means seek what the Lord wants. Learn, read, study, pray, work out what the Bible really says, not what some preacher is telling you.

And I greatly admire and respect those of differing faiths that have done that as well. When it comes to faith issues, I think other religions are "wrong" otherwise I wouldn't be a Christian, but I respect that they are following what they have found to be true, so long as they have really investigated it.

The same with the political process. If you have really investigated your point of view and can discuss it realistically and not in terms of what others have said, then I have great respect for that.

And now I'm just devolving into a rant.

I hope that this opens up some discussion. Please feel free to chat me up.

Christmas Rant

The world is a sad place again this Christmas. Or at least there isn't much joy to go around. Children murdered in the US, civil war in Syria, protests in Egypt (again), Israel flexing its muscle... not to mention Mali, New Delhi, North Korea... Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men - men aren't very good at it.

And here in America, on the Internet, we debate. I am the worst offender. Everything sets me off. Gun control? I am so there with fists raised ready to throw virtual punches. War on Christmas? Heck yea, let's rumble! Fiscal cliff? Let me tell you how wrong you are about everything you know about that!

Why do I do this to myself? Is it because I feel kind of helpless most days, struggling with physical pain and crippling headaches I feel like I don't matter anymore? So I make myself matter by being loud and confrontational?

Or maybe I'm just an asshole.

And that's really the opposite of what I need to be. I call myself Christian because of what I believe. If I really believe it, then I need to be better. I need to be salt and light, not angry and bitter. I need to be love and light, not sarcastic and vile.

Which begs the question, do I really believe what I claim to believe?

My journey of faith is different than most others. While many become Christian through a spiritual transition, my faith is based on a study of history and archaeology and ancient writings. The things I believe about the Bible would be much in opposition to the beliefs of most other Christians. And while I certainly believe in Jesus as the Son of God and the accuracy of the gospels, I do not feel that a completely literal interpretation of every single word in the Bible is how we are supposed to read it. God gave us brains, he wants us to use them and not just point at something and say "Yep, that's God, everything else is wrong". The debates over evolution/creation, when life begins, all that stuff, I don't think that's how we're supposed to "use" the Biblical text. Is it true and accurate and the Word of God? Sure. But it's not all history. Are the poems of Robert Frost true and accurate and the word of Robert Frost? Sure, but it doesn't mean that every word in them actually happened.

But I digress. We can debate Biblical authenticity and hermeneutics another day. My point is, from some people's perspective, I'm not a very good Christian. And maybe my confrontational nature has done more disservice to my friends than good. And maybe I'm not being confrontational enough in some areas.

I believe in God, I believe in 'Heaven' and eternal life (though the nature of such and the exact nature of life after death, we can discuss at another time). I believe in a "hell" (though the nature of such and the question of 'eternal torment', we can discuss at another time). As such I do wish that all my friends believed as I do and would be with me in eternity.

But I also know that most of my friends have looked at the same historical and archaeological evidence as me but have come to a different conclusion. Others look at those who claim to follow God and have determined if THAT is who God is, they want no part in it. It makes me sad. But if I truly love and respect my friends, is it better or worse to engage in endless discussion that isn't going to lead either of us to change our minds or is it better to just love and respect them?

 That brings me back to the debate question. This time of year, even though there are more important things in the world to discuss, the 'war on Christmas' always comes up. Was Jesus really born in a manger? Was she really a virgin? Was it December 25th? Shepherds? Angels? Wisemen? All that stuff? And is it really a 'war on Christmas' to argue against it?

A lot of arguments I've heard from atheists is that much of Jesus' story parallels that of other 'gods'. We'll save the discussion of Jesus death and resurrection as compared to other stories later and just talk about the birth story. First, the virgin question. Was Horus the Egyptian sun god born of a virgin? Well, first of all there's no evidence of that belief until well after the birth of Christ, but even if there were, so what? What about Buddha? Buddha's mother was married for 20 years before the Buddha came from her side (possibly a primitive c-section?) So doubtful. But even if he was, so what? Who copied who? Was Jesus the original "born from a virgin" or was that a tenant of other religions before? If the latter, so what?

What about December 25th? Jesus can't be real because so many other gods were born on December 25th and Christians just copied that. To that one I say "uh.. no". There is much more Biblical and historical evidence to suggest that Jesus was born in just about any other season except winter. The shepherds are the biggest give-away. Bethlehem is geographically situated about half a mile above sea level in what is basically a desert (even allowing for climate change over the last 2000 years, it was still very desert like). At that elevation at that time of year sheep would not be in the fields, day or night. There would be nothing for them to eat, they would have been penned up. The Biblical account says the shepherds were "tending their flocks by night". This points, most likely, to a summer time event. The days would have been very hot and too dangerous to be in the sun all day. Nights would have been cooler and safer to be out doors.

But why December 25th? To be honest, Christians stole it from 'pagan' celebrations of the Winter solstice. It was a marketing technique. "Hey, pagans, look over here! We're having a winter party too, only we have Jesus!" The celebration of Christmas, or to be precise, the "Christ Mass", didn't really exist until hundreds of years after the original writing of the gospels. Was that bad? Yea, kinda.

Born in a manger? What the freak is a manger? Most representations of a manger are a feeding trough. A box on legs full of hay. The gospel account says he was "laid in a manger". The Greek word translated as 'manger' is also used in Luke 13:15 and translated as "stall". Was it a feeding trough or just a stall lined with hay? My opinion? Meh. So what? Not sure we can know nor do I think it really matters. The gospel message of salvation is not changed if it was a trough or a stall.

Wisemen? Again, meh. It doesn't matter if they were there at the manger or later when Jesus was a toddler. What were their names? Where were they from? Meh. Does it matter? No not really.

War on Christmas? Hardly. It's more of a war to defend things that have no basis in history.

So then what does matter? What about Christmas is important? Should we not celebrate it at all because it's at best a fake Christian holiday and at worst a pagan celebration (full of pagan symbols like trees with lights)?

What's important is what is important to you. Don't believe in Jesus? That's OK. Don't think we should observe it at all because of it's pagan origins? That's OK too. What's important to you? Friends? Family? Food? Gifts? Fuzzy feel good feelings? It's all good. It's all great. If it's important to you, it's good.

Regardless of your beliefs, or non-beliefs, Christmas can be an amazing and awesome day. Don't let anyone convince you that you "have to" celebrate this way or that way. Even if you think the religious part of it is all wrong, so what? Enjoy the secular side. Enjoy the day off from work and the opportunity to party.

I'm off on tangents all over the place. But that's OK, it's my blog, I get to write what I want.

So, debate and confrontation. I love it. Should I? No, probably not. There's not enough love going around in the world. There needs to be more unity and harmony, or at the very least tolerance. (PS. Tolerance is not the same as acceptance. I tolerate my hemorrhoids, that doesn't mean I accept their right to exist.) Peace on earth and goodwill toward men should begin with me. Do you see Christ in me when I talk to you?

Probably not because all I want to do is argue with you. And I'm sorry. To you, guy I offended when you brought up gun control, I'm sorry. I was not kind when I could have been. It was obviously a very hot issue for you and all I did was make you more mad.

The world is a sad, tragic place this season. There are hurting people everywhere. Instead of insisting on standing my ground, I instead need to reach out in love and help you out of your hurt.

Merry Christmas to you, dear reader. If I have been unkind to you, I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me and give me an opportunity to make amends. And if you don't believe in Christmas, I say Merry Christmas anyway because to me it's not about pushing my belief on you, it's about a day of peace and love and harmony and I hope you find that, regardless of how you spend your day.

The Thankful Game - and how to suck at it.

It's the day before Thanksgiving here in the US. Over the course of the years the Wednesday before Thanksgiving has become as much of a "surrogate" holiday as Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, a day of grocery shopping, pie making, and for many, travelling.

The month before Thanksgiving, starting November 1st, has become a new holiday season. Many stores clear out the Halloween costumes and candy and put out the garland and tree decorations, but more than that, in our web-connected world, it's become it's own season. A season of thankfulness.

Many of my online friends played The Thankful Game this month. The Thankful game is where you use your blog or Facebook status or Twitter update to, once a day, tell something you are thankful for. The idea is that at the beginning of the game it's really easy, but as the days go on you are more and more challenged to think of things to be thankful fore and become more and more appreciative of the people and things and circumstances in your life.

I hate that game. I never play.

Why? Well, for one, it's kind of annoying. The first few days are always the same "my friends", "my family", "my job", "my house", "my dog"... on and on and on. Now don't get me wrong, those are great and fabulous things to have in your life and you should absolutely be thankful for them. But when 20 people on facebook are playing The Thankful Game and post their updates at about the same time every day and they all say pretty much the same thing ever single flipping day, it's kind of annoying. Really annoying. In fact I would say fingernails on a chalkboard annoying.

Another reason I don't play is, when it comes to Facebook, some people always need to comment on the things you say and make it about them. For example, if I post something like "I am really thankful that my chronic migraine is only at about 3 on the pain scale today instead of the usual 7" I get comments back like: "Oh I know just how you feel. Mine is at an 11 today when it's usually 17 and therefore much worse than yours and you should totally be grateful that your pain is less than mine and that you're able to talk about it because I'm on so much pain I can't move my hands an am typing with my left little toe because it's the only thing that hurts less than a 12." Ok, maybe not exactly that, but you get the idea. It has to be all about them and not just "hey that's great" or "I'm glad for you".

But overall the main reason I don't play is that The Thankful Game really misses the point. Absolutely I think that Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday and should be observed, but rather than fostering an attitude of thankfulness only a few days a year, we need to foster, develop, encourage, and grow that attitude in ourselves every DAY of the whole YEAR.

The Thankful Game needs to be played all the time. Now I'm not encouraging people to post on their social networks every day all the time. In fact please DON'T do that. Rather pray your thankfulness, if you are religiously inclined as I am - or keep it in your heart all day or write it down or privately express it in some way, if you are not. (In other words, thank God if you believe in him, thank karma or luck or your circumstances if you don't).

And that's when it really gets hard. Developing a sense of thankfulness every day of every year, no matter what else is going on in your life, is HARD. Can you be thankful when you get a flat tire and are stuck on the side of a busy highway with no spare? Can you be thankful when the dog has puppies and you didn't know she was pregnant... and she has them on your dry-clean only shirt that you needed for a business trip the next day? Can you be thankful laying in a hospital bed waiting for emergency surgery because your appendix has ruptured? Can you be thankful in the waiting room because someone else's appendix ruptured? Can you be thankful alone, in your room, when it seems no one is your friend and the loneliness buries you like a heavy wet blanket?

The only way to be bad at the Thankful Game is not to play. If you are reading this, it means you are among the wealthiest people on the planet. You have a home and electricity and light and a means to connect to the Internet. You also probably have a television to entertain you, a vehicle to get you places, and food in abundance. No matter your circumstances there is something to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.

A ranting rant that rants the rants that need ranting

It's been a bit since I've let loose a really good long rant, so let's go.

The election is over, thank God. And while I am certainly relieved that most of the candidates I voted for won, I would be just as relieved if the 'other side' had won because it's over.

What most people, and certainly the spinsters at the popular media outlets are failing to grasp is that the election is not the end, it's the beginning. Our vote is not the only voice we have, we are able to contact and work with our politicians, from the school board level to the federal government level. Most representatives have a website that you can email them through, they all have an office near your house (relatively speaking) that you can go to and make your wishes known.

So to those of your saying that Obama's re-election is "the end" and "the worst thing ever", the "worst thing ever" would be for you to live in fear and despair and not put the political machine to work for you. Is it a perfect machine, no, not by a long shot. Are there landmines and roadblocks in the way of getting what you want to happen, to happen? Oh yes. But the machine CAN work if YOU work.

And while we are on the topic of the election, the results seem to have given all the racists the opportunity to stop holding back and really let loose on Obama. So many that claimed their motives were not racist, but were really concern for the country are now just letting their mouths fly with every horrible racial slur they can seem to think of. And it's disgusting. I mean really, this is 21st century America and we're still dealing with racism? Martin Luther King, Jr. must be so ashamed.

And yet the lunacy continues. I had to block a facebook friend because she insists on carrying on with all this horrible stuff about whether Obama is an American or not and how he's an Islamic and how he's going to force Sharia law on this country and on and on. I tried to be accepting of her, I really did, but I just couldn't take anymore. So many of these people just want to live in fear and aren't taking reality into account. They don't have one shred of proof to stand on and insist that their paranoia is as legitimate as other people's facts. I for one cannot live in fear, I choose hope. And love.

And yes, maybe it's contradictory to say love when I deleted her, but I didn't know her in real life, I tried to get to know her, but she had such fear. I cannot do fear. It was time to let her go. Maybe in 4 years when she sees that this country is still ok, and probably a whole lot better, she'll see her fear was misplaced.

It's my birthday in a couple days. I turn 45 this year. I honestly never thought I would live this long. And 6 years ago when I started down this path that has put me in the health condition I find myself in I honestly felt that this was the end for me.

But for whatever reason I am still here. Some say that God doesn't take you until your mission on earth is finished. I don't know if I believe that. Certainly God can work through the things I do, or don't do, for the good of all, but I don't know if God has a "purpose" or "mission" or "calling" for each of us. I think for some He does, but for everyday shmoes like me I think He just asks us to follow, learn, and listen. If you happen to do something that falls in line with God's wishes, so much the better.

And since we're talking about God, let's talk about how He figured in the election. So so much came from the "religious right" this time that it's hard to sort out what was real and what was just media hype. From a Mormon candidate to the pro-life movement, to the downright weirdness of claiming that Obama will bring about the end times, religion played a big part in how people voted.

I had many friends tell me their vote was strictly based on the pro-life stance. They honestly felt that electing Romney would bring an end to abortion. That, to me, is sad. The issue of abortion is so much more complicated than who gets elected President. Roe v. Wade was a decision handed down from the Supreme court and not a piece of legislation, therefore it will be no simple task for a President or anyone else to walk in and say "oop, that has to go". Also, there is so much more going on in America than abortion rights.

Don't get me wrong, I think your faith should guide your actions when it comes to voting as much as it should guide you in other aspects of your life. However, focusing on one issue and declaring that you are doing God's Will with your vote based on that one issue, I don't think that's the way to go. If God is concerned about abortion He's also concerned about hunger and healthcare and fiscal responsibility and war and ... and ... and.... God is bigger than one issue.

And even within that one issue there is so much variation in opinions. I have written on my own position on abortion. Most people would call me pro-choice, but my view is so much more complex than the black and white most people boil it down to. I want abortion to end, but it can't end by legislation. Government's role in ending abortion isn't to legislate it one way or another, it should be in supporting programs that end unwanted pregnancies.

Also there are many that voted or didn't vote for one or the other Presidential candidate, and many that voted for neither, based on their religious affiliation - or what some claimed was their affiliation. Many conservatives that would have voted for any other Republican candidate refused to vote for Romney because he belongs to the LDS church. Many liberals wouldn't vote for Obama because of the rumor that he is Muslim. It was a very sad situation all the way around. As I said before, faith should guide your actions, but your faith or the faith some claim you have, has no real bearing on your ability to do a job.

And then there was the whole movement that Christians shouldn't vote at all. The claim was that God is in control so why should we bother? Our vote makes no difference because God chooses our leaders. God grants all authority so our vote means nothing. I think this is a mistaken premise and have written about it elsewhere in this blog, but my point is it was just more of the madness that surrounded this election.

But I ramble...

So how do we move forward? I'm not sure we can, not as united Americans, not like we've been able to do in the past. I think the false division that has been fostered by the media has become a real division, even if it is only based on emotion and fear and that chasm is too wide to be crossed, not without drastic changes to our political system.

How do we make those changes? I don't know. I'm not an expert by any means, but I think the first thing we do is do away with the electoral college, go to a popular vote, change the way we vote, allow voting to happen over a period of time rather than a day, and allow electronic means of voting over the Internet. This will change the way candidates campaign and how they spend campaign funds. Also, though it's probably impossible without a huge grass-roots movement, we need to end the two-party political system that prevents our government from actually working. Too much power is given to one party or the other to inhibit the functioning of government at any given time on any given issue.

So what else is bugging me lately?

My head. My head is freaking killing me. It's getting worse. The migraine thing is nearly constant. Sometimes it' sbig, most times it's small, but small for a migraine is still really freaking painful. Not to mention the dizziness, nausea, the blinky light thing that affects my vision. It really really sucks.

Anyone who claims that people who support "Obamacare" and other public assistance programs are "lazy" and just "want the government to care for them" I will gladly give them just 2 minutes of my headache. I would trade anything to have enough health to be able to work a normal job. Any job. Do I enjoy sitting here, day after day, pill after pill, doing pretty much nothing other than trying to control my pain enough to keep from crapping my own pants? Seriously do you think I just want to be taken care of? This disease or condition or whatever it is has taken everything from me. It's stripped me of my manhood, cost me the respect of my wife and children and just about every friendship I had (though I have made new ones thanks to the Internet). I don't want government care, I want to be fixed.


That enough ranting for now. See you later.

I am Christian, but not part of the Christian Right

Christian Conservative, Conservative Christian, Christian Right, Religious Right,whatever they want to call themselves it all means the same thing, at least in the United States: Christians (or those who call themselves Christian)  and others of faith that support the Republican party.

I do respect the movement in the fact that they are standing up for what they think is right. At heart they are standing for what they believe are Biblical values and are trying to promote those values in the American political system. However, I think that they are foundationally flawed in their platform and therefore are not correct in their political views.

Let me explain.

I am a Christian. I believe in the Bible. It is a recorded history of God's people and the teachings of Christ and therefore the Word of God. However, I do not agree with what many claim the Bible says.

The Christian Right - as I will refer to them for the rest of this post - at least in it's modern incarnation, had it's foundation in the '70s. Jerry Falwell and his followers in the "Moral Majority" began a campaign to involve Christians more pro-actively in the political process. Roughly during the Carter administration the movement began to take shape and though Falwell and others did not take direct aim at Carter, they did promote an image of  "... godless, spineless leaders have brought our nation floundering to the brink of death." My own theory is that this lead to Reagan being elected in 1980 and under Reagan's administration the Christian Right found solid roots to become what it is today.

And what is it today? What things characterize the Christian Right?

Pro-life. That is to say, anti-abortion. Abortion is abomination and needs to be stopped, made illegal.

Educational reform. The Bible and Biblical values should be taught in public school. This includes no longer teaching evolution and instead teaching creation or at least intelligent design.

Sex education. The prevailing view is that 'abstinence only' is the best way to teach sex. Others feel that sex education is the responsibility of parents and should not be taught in school.

Sexuality (particularly homosexuality). The prevailing view in the Christian Right is that homosexuality is a choice and a sin and therefore should not be presented in any context as 'normal' and homosexuals should not be allowed to marry or otherwise receive the rights assigned to "traditional marriage". Some even refer to a "homosexual agenda" that must be stopped.

Lately some in the Christian Right have described a "war on Christianity" by the government citing cases where some have sued to have "under God" removed from the pledge of allegiance, the false assertions that prayer is not allowed in public schools, and so on.

There are many other things that form the "platform" of the Christian Right, but these are the things that I have the most problem with and find it difficult - impossible actually - to align myself with them. Let me run them down.

Abortion rights. Since 1973, with the Roe vs. Wade case in the Supreme Court, a woman's right to an abortion has been protected in the United States. In short, she has the right to choose. Since that time many many many attempts have been made to get that decision overturned and all of them have failed.

Here's my take. Abortion is horrible. Abortion is murder.  That may be a harsh way to put it but that is my feeling. Abortion stops a beating heart and ends a life. 

With maybe a very few exceptions, I don't think any woman who has had an abortion would say that it was an easy decision for them. It's not something women take lightly.

But the decision has already been made. Pandora's box has already been opened. Women have the right to choose. No matter what happens, no matter who is elected, there is no way, absolutely no way that decision by the Supreme Court, is going to be overturned. Many attempts have been made and they have all failed. Even if you claim that a conservative President could do it, we've had Reagan, George HW Bush, and George W Bush. None of them even came close to getting it done.

Abortion as an issue in political elections is a red herring. It's a paper-mache carrot hung in front of the Christian Right to get them to vote. Common sense tells us that it can never, ever be made illegal and ending abortion by legislative means won't happen.

In other words, voting on the right simply to protect unborn children is a waste of your vote. Abortion can't be made illegal. It just can't. The only way to end abortion is to make it unnecessary. I don't feel the Republican party, as influenced by the Christian Right, has a plan in place to do that. 

Education Reform. I do feel that our current education system would benefit from the careful application of some Biblical values. I do not feel, however, that our public school system should be teaching The Bible, nor do I feel that the lessons in the Bible should be taught over prevailing scientific theories.

In other words, I think "love thy neighbor" is a great thing to teach. But once you start down the path of teaching The Bible as a guidebook to life you run into a whole SLEW of problems. Which version? Which interpretation? Should we teach what this church teaches or that church? How is this passage to be presented? And so on and so on and so on. If Biblical teaching is so important to parents, then they should take their kids to someone that has been taught the Bible. In other world, the Bible should be taught by those who went to Bible college (and those taught by that person). Those people are found in churches. You can find a church that most matches your view of what the Bible says. Find it and take your kids there if you want them taught the Bible.

The question of Evolution vs. Creation (or Intelligent Design) is at heart a religious - or at least philosophical - question. It has no place in the science classroom. Science teachers teach science. Period. Science is not anti-religion. I don't think religion is really anti-science either, but there are those who disagree. In either case, science needs to be taught. Regardless of one's religious beliefs, science HAS to be taught if we are going to keep America strong. And that means teaching the theory of evolution. 

There is a huge misunderstanding and villainization of Charles Darwin and his writings. Darwin did not write something that disproves the Bible, he wrote science. He wasn't out to kill God, he was out to figure things out. That's all science is, figuring things out.

No one will argue that on some level Darwin's theories are true. You can see it. Every farmer, pet breeder, insect exterminator can explain the basics of evolution. Characteristics of parents are passed down to children. Characteristics that are strengthened by the environment are more likely to be passed to the next generation. No one argues that.  The problem comes with you extend that line of thinking and draw links between on species and another and start seeing common ancestry and tracing that line of thinking all the way back to a single common ancestor for all life. That's when the Christian Right gets twitchy because "that's not what the Bible says."

My thinking: so what? You want the Bible taught to your kids, take them to an expert in the Bible. You don't agree with the theory of evolution, fine, tell you kids that, BUT THEY STILL NEED TO BE TAUGHT IT. Why? Because it is the prevailing theory in our day and age and so much that has come out of that theory pervades other branches of science as it exists today. In other words, you want your children to be smart, you want America to have the advantage over other countries, then kids have to be taught evolution, agree with it or not.

Now I am a Christian, doesn't that mean that I am hating on God's word by promoting evolution? No. Here's what I believe: The Bible tells us God created the world and the heavens and the earth and everything that is in it in 6 days. Except for Adam and Eve (made from the dust of the ground and Adam's rib respectively) the Bible does not tell us how everything was created. 



My own theory, just me and not supported by anything except my own brain, is that it may be something like this:

Think of a guy working in a fireworks factory. He builds those big shells that you see on the 4th of July, the ones that shoot up in the air and then burst into sparks and colors, making shapes and colors that make everyone say "oo" and "aaahh". Everything in that big, bright display is carefully planned. The fireworks artist knows that when he puts in this ingredient that it will make things green, and when he puts in these pellets that they will make whistles, and so on. He knows exactly what each thing he puts in will do and how it will react with other things and exactly how it will look when it goes off.

God made the Universe that way. He put in just the right ingredients so that it will expand and grow and glow in just the way He wants it to. He packed it all in and then BANG - the so called Big Bang. Created in 6 days, then exploding and unfolding for millions of years.

Just my take on it. You can call that intelligent design if you want. But do I feel my theory should be taught in public schools? No. Why? God, the Bible, do no belong in the science classroom. I don't want my preacher teaching science, I don't want my science teacher teaching the Bible. Simple as that.



Ok - on to the next topic.

Sex education. On the one hand, I do feel that the primary responsibility for teaching our kids about sex lies with the parents. However, the environment of the 21st century household may make that teaching difficult. At best parents can speak from their own education and experience. If sex education is taught in public schools it needs to balance what is taught at home with what science and medicine and psychology have to offer. In our modern society venereal disease is a reality and things change so quickly and scarily that parents can't keep up and that's where public educators come in.

On the question of abstinence. I think that's awesome. Preach it. But you need to face the reality that "kids are doing it anyway" and an "abstinence only" stance is not only irresponsible, it's dangerous. Even the most religious, devout teenager can be swept up in peer pressure and hormones. To leave them with only the message "just don't do it" can lead to all sorts of disasters. The message "don't do it" needs to be given along with "but if you do, then you need to be aware of this and this and this.." I put myself in some very dangerous positions when I was in high school. I dodged many bullets, but not all kids are so lucky. If I had been taught the pitfalls of sex I might have acted in much different ways.

That brings us to sexuality. In particular homosexuality. How do we handle this?

To be honest, this one is hard for me. Many point to verses in Leviticus and other places in the Old Testament to show homosexuality is wrong. That doesn't line up with me because those same sections teach about restrictions on what to eat, what to wear, and so on and if we're going to follow the rules about homosexuality, then we have to follow the others as well. There are places in the New Testament that mention it. Those are harder to wrap my brains around.

But regardless of what I think or believe, it doesn't change that this is an issue in our society. Many will tell you that homosexuality is a choice. I don't think so. I honestly haven't had a lot of contact with gay people but those I have talked to, to a one, do not describe 'being gay' as something they chose. Every one of them said they 'always knew' and 'since they were a kid' they had just 'been that way'.

Now, I do think that there are cases among young people, because of how they are treated by their peers, or something that happened at home, or some other thing, where they are having trouble defining their identity and personality and someone will say or do something that makes them take a path on a sexual lifestyle that does not really line up with who they are. That works both ways, gay kids trying to live straight and straight kids trying to live gay, because they are confused. In that respect there are cases where it might seem that someone is "cured" of being gay or someone is "recruited" into being gay when in actuality they are either dealing with that confusion or overcoming that confusion and living their true identity.

All that being said, here's what I think: No matter what I believe or the church believes or others believe, individual people, just themselves, are responsible for being true to themselves. It's not my job or anyone else's to tell someone what to believe, how to act, or who to be. If they are interested in finding out more about what I believe, great! I'll bring them to church. But other than that, I do no think it's anyone else's job to tell others what to do in their own morality.

And gay marriage? Why not? They'd have to pay for marriage licenses, that adds to the public coffers. The marriage ceremonies will lead to a stimulation of the local economy  - gifts and so forth. And public recognition of that relationship makes it easier for loved ones to take care of each other. Many speak of the "sanctity of marriage" and "traditional marriage". The sanctity of MY marriage is not threatened by the marriage or non marriage of someone else, only I and my wife have anything to do with that. And "traditional marriage"... traditions change.

"Gay marriage" is inevitable. You might vote to try to stop it, and your candidate, if elected, might be able to hold it off for a while, but it is inevitable. It will become a reality in every state in the United States. If that is the only reason you are casting your vote, then you are wasting your vote.

And that brings me to my final talking point. The "War on Religion".

I only have one thing to say on that. Until our government starts raiding churches, carrying away preachers that are never seen or heard from again, until armed forces crash though our neighborhoods, destroying the homes and businesses of those who believe a certain way, until someone pins an emblem to your clothing marking you as belonging to a certain religious group, then don't talk to me about a war on Religion.

You are still free to go to your church. You are still free to read your Bible. You are still free to watch religious programming that is still allowed to come into your home. Until any of those above things happen, it is INSULTING to say that your religion is under attack. It insults those in other countries, China for example, where the Christian church really is under attack. It's insulting to those missionaries that have laid down their lives trying to share the love of Christ with others. It's insulting to 6 million Jewish men women and children that died at the hands of the Nazis in the 30s and 40s.

Insulting.

And to claim that one party or another is out to expunge religion from America... insulting. Yes, times have changed. The attitudes of people regarding religion in public places, schools for example, have changed since the 50s. That doesn't mean that those times were "better" religiously speaking, it just means people had a different attitude. My kids can still say "under God" during the pledge of allegiance (if their classroom does it at all). They can still pray in their classroom so long as they don't jump up and disrupt things to lead a public prayer. Prayer is a personal thing anyway and I feel it's better for them to do it quietly, privately. (As long as there are math tests, there will always be prayer in school.)

The only war on religion in the United States is a war by the Christian Right insisting that 'their' religion is right and the choices of others is wrong.

----

So, Mr. Author of this Blog who calls himself Christian - why don't you tell us what you really think.

I am part of a small but growing group, not really organized more than just sharing common beliefs, that calls ourselves The Christian Left. Now I am not saying that by calling myself that that I am fully aligned with the far left and "liberals". For me, in my political life, my Christians beliefs have led me to a place that is "not on the right", and by that definition, I am on the left.

But what does that mean?

I means that I have read the Bible. Many times and am reading it again now. I have found that what the Bible says is not what the Christian Right would have you believe. To represent the true love of Christ we should support a government that takes care of all people in the country and not tell people what they can't do with their own life and body.

That's that. No complicated theology. Theology has no place in politics. 

Thanks for letting me rant some more.

Continuing the Rage series

This political season needs to end. Fortunately in about 3 weeks it will, but until then, it's going to be a rough ride.

I am obsessed with the political races in my area and on up to the President. I can't think of anything else. It's consumed me. And I hate it, I really really hate it. Why? Because I literally can't think of anything else.

Why is it affecting me so? Am I that much more aware of the political process now than previously in my life? Am I really that drawn to the people and personalities involved? What is it that has me so engrossed in this process?

And why is it the only emotion I have associated with this whole process is 'rage'.

Since Obama was elected (well, shortly before, but certainly coming into full bloom after) we have seen the growth of the Tea Party movement. Many in my area, especially in the races for state legislature, have embraced the Tea Party, at least as far as their stance on the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

I don't know much about the movement in other parts of the country, just snippets I've seen on the news, but around here, it's pretty nasty. One of the candidates for the state senate, who happens to be running unopposed, has spent a lot of money on radio ads that say something like this: "This election is about freedom and free stuff. If you love freedom, vote for me. If you think you're entitled to your neighbors money and free stuff, then you hate freedom. Simple as that.".

Really? That simple? And that's just an example.

The worst part? The Tea Party has gained a lot of ground in Native American communities around here. Many of which depend on the government for everything - that is to say, they get more free stuff than just about anyone.

Rage.

It's that kind of thing that just makes me angry! I just want to slap these people!

They really like their bumper stickers too. "One and done", "Nobama", "My healthcare plan is my gun" (seriously), and my favorite "I miss Reagan". I know I've mentioned that one before. I still don't get it. I mean really, out of control military spending, the constant threat of war with the Soviet Union, record unemployment, trickle down economics... really, what is it about the Reagan era you'd like to bring back? The worst part? A lot of the people sporting that bumper sticker weren't born when Reagan was president. Granted I was a teenager during Reagan's terms, but I must have a different view of that time than what they are teaching in schools.

I'm just ranting and rambling here, I hope you don't mind. I've had a severe case of mental block for weeks now and I'm hoping that by getting this all off my chest I can break through and put this behind me. Or maybe I'll have to wait until the election is over...

Last night was the second Presidential debate. So of course it's what everyone is talking about today. I didn't watch it. I'll probably go read a transcript of it later just to satisfy my morbid curiosity as to what was actually said, but honestly, I've already decided how to vote so the debates don't have any bearing on my choice.

And yes I am voting Obama and pretty much a Democratic ticket all the way down. Why? Because I don't feel the Republican party at this time better represents the interests of the American people compared to the Democrats. Are the Democrats really the best choice? No. There never really is a "best of the best" choice, it is politics after all, but I feel that for me and my family the Democrats are actually trying to do something while the Republicans are just focused on not being Democrats and are actually being obstructive to the process of government.

Case in point, the Affordable Health Care act. No one is talking about how Romney and state Republicans put essentially the same plan into effect in Michigan with great success. Healthcare for the populace is a brilliant idea. Everyone should be supporting it. But since the bill was passed under a Democratic President, it's a horrible idea, even though Romney has already done it. Why can't they just agree that it's a good thing and not try to be the opposite?

The way I see it, the Democratic party is moving in a certain direction. The Republicans, rather than being just 10 degrees off that direction or even 90 degrees are a complete 180 degrees - trying to move in the opposite direction. Not because they honestly feel that is the best way to go but because it IS the opposite direction of the Democrats. And moving in the opposite direction just for the sake of going the opposite direction is not what this country needs. Do the Democrats have the very best plan? I don't think so, but at least it's a plan and not just the polar opposite of someone else's plan.

Am I biased? Am I now a left-wing liberal who is just opposed to the right for no good reason? I don't think so. I am a registered independent. Besides not being able to vote in my state's primaries, this is also symbolic of my commitment to always try to look at the issues and the candidates no matter what. I voted for George W. Bush - twice. I also voted for Clinton. And Perot. I've never toed a party line. Often I've voted on party for President, and the opposite party for Congress. I think my voting record shows a commitment to always looking for the best choice for the times. So, am I biased? No. At least I don't think go.

That's why ads accusing me of "hating freedom" because I think someone should get "free stuff" make me so angry. First of all, I don't think anyone should get "free stuff". I think people should take care of people. If you want to belittle that by claiming that someone gets free stuff, then so be it. Second of all, I don't see how someone, like me (yes, me, I am on disability and medicare) getting free stuff means someone else's freedom is somehow in jeopardy. What they really mean by "freedom" is "money grubbing" and by "people getting free stuff" they actually mean "worthless people who are ripping off the system".

Which brings me to my next rant.

Everyone, and by everyone I generally mean Tea Partiers who have drunk the Kool Aid, seems to know someone or many someone who is getting food stamps and or welfare that really doesn't need it and is ripping off the system so we need to do away with the system so they will go back to work.

That kind of logic says let's stop drowning by removing all life guards from public pools, that way kids who can't swim will have to swim for themselves. IDIOCY!

First off, if there are so many people ripping off the system and so many people know about it, why haven't all those people been reported and investigated? I mean really. If you "know" your neighbor is getting food stamps but is buying a new $2000 TV or an expensive car, then do your civic duty and REPORT THEM. If you don't 'know', then don't say that. How about, instead, HELP them get a better job?

And that's really what the current election has come down to.

The Democratic party says we're a community and we should should help each other. Without unity, we're going to fall apart. The Republican party, trying to be the polar opposite of the Democrats says, instead, every man and business for himself. Your money is your money and you shouldn't have to help anyone you don't want to. Healthcare? Democrats say "everyone should be able to afford it and if you can't afford it, you should get a break". Republicans say "healthcare is a business, those that can afford it get it, those that can't should just suck it up and get a better job. Let the insurance industry set the rules."

And there is a lot more to this election than healthcare, but that is the most prominent issue that people know about.

Why can't we just help each other? Why do we have to have the government tell us we have to? Because if we WERE taking care of each other, then the government WOULDN'T HAVE TO!! I mean seriously, if it was working before, the government wouldn't have to step in.

I've told my story regarding health insurance before, but let me sum up. About 6 years ago I got sick. We still don't know what is going on with me, but chronic pain, memory loss, some neurological problems all sum up to a big pile of ick. I had health insurance through work that carried over when I went on disability, at least at first. Since in America health insurance is hard to transfer from one company to another, I had to go with the plans my job offered when I signed on. I picked what I thought was a good one. Low deductible, low co-pays, covered a lot of stuff. Over the 3 years I worked there I paid in more than $4000. (This was just for me, to have my wife and kids covered would have cost more than I made in wages - and that's on the discount plan.) Then I got sick. I had to have a lot of tests. Come to find out that even though the tests were "pre-approved" - that is we actually called the insurance company and said "will you pay for this" and they said "yes" - they weren't going to pay for them. In the end, if I had kept the money that I paid into the insurance company I would have been able to pay for the tests and everything else and still come out ahead. Instead I gave them $4000 and still have about $3000 worth of bills from tests that I'm struggling to pay. Then, because I couldn't pay the bills that piled up, my insurance company dropped me for not paying "my share". I have a lot of other tests that had to be paid out of pocket - that is to say I'm still trying to pay for them - that had to be done before I could get on Medicare (a nightmare of a process that took the better part of 4 years.)

The medical insurance system is broken. We've let the industry regulate itself and all it's done is put us in debt. Now it's time that we as Americans who love freedom to step up and take care of our fellow man. Whether we want to or not. Why? Because over the long term an America that takes care of it's sick will have a stronger workforce, more money to invest in small business and big business, and a health care industry that is fully paid for will lead to research and innovation that will lead to further improvements in health care.

ROAR!

Why can't people just GET that? Why is there such a prevailing attitude of what is mine is mine? We are a community, whether we like it or not. We have no CHOICE. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Romney and others don't think that way. They think by making the strong stronger makes us all stronger. That's not how chains work. That's not how communities work. That's not how America and the WORLD works. We, humans, are affected by everything that affects our neighbors be they right next door on the other side of the world. We HAVE to help each other. We have no choice.

But what about abortion? What about the unborn babies? Way too many people are making their political decisions based on this one issue. I too have been swept up in this cause and I have voted for a president based on their promise to end abortion.

The sad truth is that the Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion in 1972 - Roe v. Wade - will never, ever be overturned. Ever. No President, no politician, can make that promise because no matter what it will not be overturned. It would take a huge, miraculous, wild chain of events that lead to a complete replacement of Supreme Court judges with others that are 100% anti-abortion and even then there would have to be a case, exactly like Roe v. Wade, for them to rule the opposite way the judges in 1972 ruled. Or, alternately, there would have to be a Constitutional amendment. A Constitutional amendment requires 2/3 of states to propose it and 3/4 of states to ratify it before it becomes the law of the land. While not impossible, it is certainly unlikely to happen in our times.

I hate abortion. In fact no one LIKES abortion, but there are some that want you to believe that supporting the abortion choice means you like it or that you are supporting the business of those that do. The truth is, even the women that are getting an abortion, for the most part, don't want it. It's a horrible, painful process both physically and emotionally. Supporting a woman's right to choose is not supporting this horrible thing.

It's not going to become illegal. It's not. Anyone that tells you different is just trying to get your vote. The only way to end abortion is to make it unnecessary. You end it by making every pregnancy a wanted pregnancy. I feel that Republicans have put so much effort into trying to convince the American public that abortion can be made illegal that they have overlooked the only real way to end it.

Simply put - the way to end abortion is by supporting the rights of girls and women to receive equal education, equal pay, equal treatment in the workplace. Also by educating young girls about sex, relationships, and caring for themselves. We teach girls that sex is not shameful, but neither is it something that should be given away casually. We teach boys that they are responsible to take care of their bodies and selves too. We teach them to respect women. We support women's healthcare by making it accessible to every woman, no matter their age. Only when every pregnancy is a chosen pregnancy will there be an end to abortion.

This is not something that will happen over night. But I do feel that only one party really has a clue as to how to begin the process and right now, at this time in history it is the Democrats.

I'm just about ranted out here. I feel much better getting this stuff out of my head. I think the fog is clearing a bit. I've been trying for some time to write a blog post about how I, as a Christian, do not and cannot support the Christian Conservative movement., It's been hard to get the thoughts down because there is just so so much that is tied into everything in this election that I can't tease out the threads to make a coherent post and I end up just ranting and raving like I do now.

Thanks for listening.

Why I have atheist friends.... more thoughts.

Previously, I wrote a post, just some ranting and rambling really, about why I don't actively 'evangelize' (in the traditional sense of the word) my non-Christian friends. You can read it here. 

At the end of the post I questioned what we, as Christians should do because traditional evangelism doesn't work (in my opinion). I left the post kind of hanging with this:

We....do nothing. 

Ok, not 'nothing'. But we live. Our daily practical lives of eating, driving, working, parenting, and pooping. We just live. And in that living, we be Christ to those around us. Without condition, without preaching, without going around quoting the Bible (which more and more people declare "a book of fairy tales" and will outright reject). Just love people as Christ loves them. That's it and that's all.

Am I wrong? I posted a link to that post on Reddit to see what would happen. I got an interesting comment from an atheist that kind of surprised me. Basically it was this: I'd respect you more if you WERE being pushy. If you claim to have this great truth, why aren't you doing everything you can to share it with everyone?

Well, that was the crux of what I was trying to say in that original post. But let me be clear on one thing. I don't claim to have received some divine revelation about what the truth is. Many think that God is unknowable except my some opening of the heavens. I don't think that's true. I think that an observation of history, by looking at things that are tangible, places that exist, artifacts, and writings the truth is there. Truth is truth - it's not something you feel, it's not something that can be debated, it just IS. Now I don't think it's possible for any one person to know ALL truth, that's impossible, but I do think that one look at things that ARE and see the TRUTH.

But there's a problem here. Since none of us can see ALL truth, the truth I see is different from the truth you see. That doesn't mean either of us sees something wrong, it just means that we're looking at the same thing and are seeing it differently.

What we all must do, part of our purpose as beings on this planet, is to respond to the truth that see, to follow where that truth leads and learn as much of it as possible and ACT on the truth that we have. 

My search for truth has lead me to the conclusion that there is a God and that God has revealed himself in history and that history has been recorded in what we know at the Bible. Many will dismiss the Bible because it is "that religious book", but those books have in fact been grouped together because they are history. Is it a record of all history? Of ALL truth? No. But it is truth. I've shared bits and pieces of how I got there in other posts in this blog. Someday I will write it all out in one shot... but another time.

But the point I'm trying to get to is that I DON'T have this 'mystical' truth. I have historical truth. The same that is available to everyone with a lot of time and lots of reading. 

Since that truth is 'out there' do I really need to load up and go around repeating it over and over again to everyone I see? I don't think so. What I do need to do is ACT on that truth every minute of every hour of every day. If it is truth, then it's reality. If it's reality, I should walk and talk and chew gum in response to that reality.

Do I always do it right? No. And it's because I can't always, 100% of the time, do it right that I can't go around telling people to walk and talk and chew gum the way that I do, because I fail at it.

I can't in one breath say "Hey, check out this Jesus guy" and in the next say "Je*** H. Chr*** I stubbed my toe, holy f***ing sh** that hurts!"

So what should I do? Am I failing in what many call "The Great Commission"? (In case you don't know, it's this: "... go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." - Matthew 28:19-20 Many preachers and churches take this to mean that one of our main jobs as Christians is to always, at every opportunity, preach and convert everyone we meet.)

By not preaching at every opportunity, by not constantly talking about Jesus to my friends, am I a failure as a Christian? As my atheist friend on Reddit said, am I showing a lack of respect to my friends by not giving them the truth I know?

I don't think so. Because I think it's more important to SHOW the truth than to constantly talk about it. But as I said before, I fail at that too, at least by the world's standards. They love to find a Christian that has failed as point to them and say "Look at that! How can his God be real when he acts like THAT?" But poor actions don't change the truth.

So I'm a failure all around. I admit that. I own it. I accept it. But my action or inaction doesn't change truth. It doesn't change what is REAL. 

---

I've totally lost track of where I was going with this rant. But let me say this. Truth is truth.Truth is what is real, truth is reality. But truth and reality are complex. Very, very, very complex. No one can know all truth. But anyone that claims to have a divine revelation of truth should be taken with multiple grains of salt. 

As humans we need to act and respond to the truth that we can see. We need to look and examine and dig into truth to learn as much as we can and then live accordingly. Admitting all the time that often we will fail to live up to that truth but continuing to strive for that goal all the time.

Actions more than words will always so a better job of representing truth, of truly mirroring reality. 

A Rant and Ramble

Greetings! Sometimes I feel like my brain just gets too jumbled with so much junk that I just kind of freeze up, so I just need to rant it all out. Hope you don't mind.

I keep saying over and over again that I'm not going to get swept up in political discussion, but then one of the candidates says something stupid and I just go off again. Yes, all candidates eventually say stupid things, but some things are just so shockingly stupid that I just can't ignore it.

As I write this, the big news is comments Romney made at a fundraiser. I'm not going to bother to rehash it because in the global scheme of things, not matter how it made me feel, it's not going to make any difference.

So these things hit the news, I have a knee-jerk reaction and rant and rave and torque off a lot of people, and then it passes. And afterword I feel sick. Why oh why do I keep getting myself swept up into these pointless exercises? Most people are pretty set in how they're going to vote and me starting a debate or screaming out my opinions isn't going to convince anyone to vote differently.

But that pretty much sums up the Internet during an election year. Everyone is SCREAMING an opinion while everyone else is SCREAMING about how that opinion is wrong. And sadly no one is really taking any time to actually look at the issues, to look at where the candidates stand and actually making an informed decision. Worse, we all focus on the "big" election while ignoring the more important "smaller" elections that will actually impact us on a person level.

I try, in spite of of my ranting and raving, to take time to educate myself on the issues and vote accordingly, especially when it comes to local elections. The problem is that, even on the local level, the BIG news tends to get all the attention and it's hard to find any information about congressmen and state legislators. And practically impossible to find anything about the city council and county board and school board.

Democracy only works when we get past the fan-boy aspect and educate ourselves. Since Theodore Roosevelt first appeared in a news reel, and later FDR making the first presidential appearance on TV, the presidency has been more about 'appearing' to be presidential material than actual ability. Compare photos of Abraham Lincoln to Nixon or Reagan or Clinton; Lincoln we an ugly, ugly man, whereas late 20th century presidents and beyond are, by most people's definitions, pretty good looking. It's become a beauty contest. And I hate it.

If I had 3 wishes I would wish for the wisdom, ability, and permission to fix the American election system. First, everyone votes. I've heard in Australia that all citizens are required to vote. I think that's a good plan, that way everyone is truly represented. (I know, pie in the sky, but I'm dreaming here, hush.) Second we vote the issues, not people. That is we elect people based on what they will do, not on how well they speak or how good they look. Third, we stop complaining and work together. We don't just elect someone and then complain about them, we elect them and then follow them into their offices and say "alright, what can I do to make things happen".

OK, enough of that.

The last month was so insane and I'm so exhausted that I don't know if I will recover any time soon. My daughter had her baby, I had my gall bladder out, and generally just been running like crazy. I've spent the last 2 week in bed. Mostly trying to heal from my surgery, but also just to get some rest.

But then I feel guilty. I feel that even though I am technically disabled and unable to work that I should be able to produce something. I try to do something that I think is productive every day. Maybe not truly helpful to anyone in any real way, but just to create something seems better than just taking up space. So every day I write a little something or draw or photoshop or... something that I can point to and say "I did that today".

Some days it's hard. Part of my disability manifests itself in a psychological way. Some days are just really really... well fuzzy is probably the best way to describe it. It's hard to think, hard to pay attention, hard to really do much of anything. Maybe that's the depression I've dealt with most of my life, maybe it's the 'things' in my brain pushing and shoving and short circuiting things. I don't know. I just know that some days being able to create something is simple and fun, other days it's very hard.

But today I'm writing. I love to write. I don't hold any illusion that I'm good at it, but I love it. I remember in Jr. High or high school my mother let me play with an old type writer that we had. I took over that thing and just started pounding things out. Poems mostly. Really really bad - really bad - poems about dogs and pencils and ... ug. I shudder now to think about it. But I wrote. Wrote and wrote and wrote. I journaled a lot too. Sad boring details of my life, but it was writing.

I've continued that habit into the web age, keeping this blog and a couple others. I've been able to write more since I've stopped working. Have I gotten better at it? I don't think so. I still haven't really found a voice and an inspiration to give my writing purpose other than just ranting. Once in a while I am able to write out an idea, but mostly I'm just ranting.

So I rant.

And now I'm about ranted out for this time. Catch you on the flippity flip.

September 11

It's become almost a cliche' to talk about what happened 11 years ago and our feelings about it. It's a part of our culture now, for better or worse.

I sometimes wonder what my grandparents felt this many years after Pearl Harbor. By that time The War had been over for a while, America was doing pretty good, and the baby boom (when my parents were born) was in full swing. Did they remember Pearl Harbor in moments of silence and prayer ceremonies or was it over shadowed by the horror of the war, the toll it took on the young men of that generation?

Our generation is different for many reasons. So many of us, maybe all of us, have seen the horrors of the attack on the World Trade Center. We've seen the footage of the second plane hitting the second tower played over and over again on TV and now the web. Pictures of dust covered people and crushed fire trucks are part of our common memory.

I don't think that is better. I think in our media saturated society the scenes and pictures make us numb. The long running wars in Iraq and Afghanistan became common. Five of my children can't remember an America without war. It's become normal. And I hate that.

Death and destruction and gore and death should not be normal to us or our children. I'm not advocating censorship and sheltering our children from reality, but rather let's fix reality. Let's not become complacent in our remembering of 9-11, Pearl Harbor, D-Day, or any of the other horrors that are sadly part of our lives. Rather let's do something to improve the world.

 Let's create beauty, so much that it outshines the darkness of war. Write, draw, paint, dance, talk, build, DO beautiful things. Let's crowd our street corners, alleyways, homes, businesses, our LIVES with so much beauty that that is what is common.

And let's start now.

Let Go, Give in, Give Up, Surrender.

So I've finally had enough. I've said it before, but this time I'm taking action. My health, my mind, and my mood are so fickle that I can no longer waste time fighting with people just for the sake of fighting. As much as I enjoy a good debate, a 'good' debate is so hard to find and most times it just breaks down into name calling or a barrage of over-intellectual sounding statements that really don't mean anything. For example, just the other day I made a facebook post that basically said "hey, let's try loving people" and I got hammered by someone trying to prove Biblically that I need to hate. Serious? Yes, I am serious.

Enough. That person has been blocked on facebook. Now in the past I've tried not to do that. I mean, should I really block someone just because they don't agree with me? But this individual, it had gotten to the point where I was afraid to speak my mind, write my blog, or even post a picture because of what he might say. Even my last post where I wanted to rant, I censored myself because I was always thinking "oh, if I say this, he will say that".

I gave him control.

And the worst part? I don't even know the guy. At all. He never posts a status update, never talks about himself or his family or anything, only makes comments when it's something he can fight about. I can't honestly tell you when or how he got on my friends list. He's the high school friend of a brother of a friend that I haven't seen in ... gosh ... 8 or 9 years? And I have never met the brother either.

So now he's gone from my life.

Was that wrong? I don't care. As I said before, I'm all for a good debate. I've got people on my friends like that have very greatly opposing views from mine. Somehow we manage to talk about these things without getting into long winded explanations of why the other is wrong. Somehow we manage to keep the debate civil, polite, and dare I say friendly.

I'm letting go. Giving in. Giving up. Surrendering. To what? To my urge to kick these people out of my life. I'm tired of it. It's over. Done with. I'm moving on.

And man does it feel GOOD!

So here's the new rules. If I don't like what you post on facebook, I'm just going to ignore it. Does that mean we can't be friends? of course not. It just means I don't like your post.

If I post something and you comment, and I feel that comment is nothing more than an attempt to draw me in to a debate that isn't really a debate, just you trying to prove how 'right' you are, I might delete it. Nothing personal. Deleting the comment is not an attack on our friendship, it's an act of self preservation. Comments like that are to me as catnip is to a cat. I can't resist. Deleting it is my way of cutting myself off from my addiction. Honest, it's not a reflection of you or your opinion.

If your comment is polite, friendly, relevant, yet contradictory, I will welcome it and the discussion that will follow.

Same rules apply to my blog, my other blog, my other other blog, my google+ page, my Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter profiles.

Are you still reading? Ok good. Then it means you're my friend.  That you 'get' me.

Am I always right? No. Quite the contrary. I'm hardly ever right. Sometimes I have very strongly held opinions that are completely out in left field. I'll revisit them in a month or a year or so and I'll read what I wrote and think "Oh. My. Gosh. Was I that stupid?" And I was.

Like everyone, I grow. I change. My opinions grow and change. The stake I plant today I will rip out and plant it someplace else tomorrow. I try not to be militant about anything, but rather always look at my thoughts, opinions, beliefs as growing, changing, always seeking the truth.