It's the day before Thanksgiving here in the US. Over the course of the years the Wednesday before Thanksgiving has become as much of a "surrogate" holiday as Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, a day of grocery shopping, pie making, and for many, travelling.
The month before Thanksgiving, starting November 1st, has become a new holiday season. Many stores clear out the Halloween costumes and candy and put out the garland and tree decorations, but more than that, in our web-connected world, it's become it's own season. A season of thankfulness.
Many of my online friends played The Thankful Game this month. The Thankful game is where you use your blog or Facebook status or Twitter update to, once a day, tell something you are thankful for. The idea is that at the beginning of the game it's really easy, but as the days go on you are more and more challenged to think of things to be thankful fore and become more and more appreciative of the people and things and circumstances in your life.
I hate that game. I never play.
Why? Well, for one, it's kind of annoying. The first few days are always the same "my friends", "my family", "my job", "my house", "my dog"... on and on and on. Now don't get me wrong, those are great and fabulous things to have in your life and you should absolutely be thankful for them. But when 20 people on facebook are playing The Thankful Game and post their updates at about the same time every day and they all say pretty much the same thing ever single flipping day, it's kind of annoying. Really annoying. In fact I would say fingernails on a chalkboard annoying.
Another reason I don't play is, when it comes to Facebook, some people always need to comment on the things you say and make it about them. For example, if I post something like "I am really thankful that my chronic migraine is only at about 3 on the pain scale today instead of the usual 7" I get comments back like: "Oh I know just how you feel. Mine is at an 11 today when it's usually 17 and therefore much worse than yours and you should totally be grateful that your pain is less than mine and that you're able to talk about it because I'm on so much pain I can't move my hands an am typing with my left little toe because it's the only thing that hurts less than a 12." Ok, maybe not exactly that, but you get the idea. It has to be all about them and not just "hey that's great" or "I'm glad for you".
But overall the main reason I don't play is that The Thankful Game really misses the point. Absolutely I think that Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday and should be observed, but rather than fostering an attitude of thankfulness only a few days a year, we need to foster, develop, encourage, and grow that attitude in ourselves every DAY of the whole YEAR.
The Thankful Game needs to be played all the time. Now I'm not encouraging people to post on their social networks every day all the time. In fact please DON'T do that. Rather pray your thankfulness, if you are religiously inclined as I am - or keep it in your heart all day or write it down or privately express it in some way, if you are not. (In other words, thank God if you believe in him, thank karma or luck or your circumstances if you don't).
And that's when it really gets hard. Developing a sense of thankfulness every day of every year, no matter what else is going on in your life, is HARD. Can you be thankful when you get a flat tire and are stuck on the side of a busy highway with no spare? Can you be thankful when the dog has puppies and you didn't know she was pregnant... and she has them on your dry-clean only shirt that you needed for a business trip the next day? Can you be thankful laying in a hospital bed waiting for emergency surgery because your appendix has ruptured? Can you be thankful in the waiting room because someone else's appendix ruptured? Can you be thankful alone, in your room, when it seems no one is your friend and the loneliness buries you like a heavy wet blanket?
The only way to be bad at the Thankful Game is not to play. If you are reading this, it means you are among the wealthiest people on the planet. You have a home and electricity and light and a means to connect to the Internet. You also probably have a television to entertain you, a vehicle to get you places, and food in abundance. No matter your circumstances there is something to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Showing posts with label Sharing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sharing. Show all posts
Birthday thoughts.
Yesterday was my 45th birthday. If you are reading this and are thinking "Oh my gosh, I didn't know", don't sweat it. I hid my birthday from facebook and didn't really need a whole flood of birthday wishes. My friends bless me every day with their compassion and humor and I'm quite happy without a bunch of "happy birthday"s on my wall.
Anyway, it was really a frustrating and emotional day. I finished a video game that I had been playing for a couple days and found the experience to be really aggravating. I won't tell you which game but it's certainly at the top of the list for 'worst game ever', mostly because of the ending.
I love games. Generally I get a good deal of inspiration and good vibes from them, but this game left me feeling like I had just spent a lot of time playing with a pile of poop. I was disgusted and felt dirty.
That experience sent me into a really contemplative and introspective mood.
What the heck am I doing with my life?
I guess a lot of people get in this kind of mood on their birthday, especially when you get to be about my age. Especially men. Men my age, a lot of them anyway, if they haven't already, go through the whole 'mid-life crisis' thing. The theory is that consciously or subconsciously guys realize that half their life is over and they think about all the things they want in life and haven't gotten so they dump their wife, buy a sports car and generally be a jerk.
Now I won't say I'm having a mid-life crisis. I often joke with my wife that I need a sports car or a motorcycle or 'can I have my mid-life crisis now?' but honestly, I really don't feel any sort of anxiety over being halfway to 90. Yes, on facebook I often whine about how much pain I'm in or how frustrated I am about my kids or politics and I rant and rave and generally make a fool of myself, but the truth is I love my life. I could do with a body that was less broken, but other than that I have an amazing wife, amazing kids, a decent place to live, clean water, and every now and then there is chocolate. Life is good.
So why the introspection and contemplation?
It's my health. I realized that I am carrying a lot of negative energy. During the election I spent a lot of energy expressing my opinions about Obama and Romney and the issues. I got really caught up in it. Was that good or bad? I don't think so. I think it's important to be involved in the political process and work with it to bring about the changes you want to see in the country and the world. But then the election was over. I was happy because most of the people I voted for won and I was looking forward to continuing to work with them (by communicating with them via email or other means) about the issues.
But I was left with this feeling of.... icky-ness. I had engaged in a lot of debates, but now that the election was over there was no more debates. I noticed that I started picking fights to get a debate going to try to regain that feeling of 'battle'. When I couldn't get anything going I had this feeling of just wanting to punch something.
Yea. A lot of negative.
So I determined, as I have many times in the past, that it was time to clean house and sweep out the negative. Starting with facebook.
I lost 2 facebook friends recently. One I'm not too disappointed to see go, the other I honestly consider a 'real life' friend, even though we haven't met yet and I hope though blogs or whatever we can still talk once in a while. But both cases are representative of how dependent I've become on facebook to be my window to the world. My 'real life' friend disconnected facebook so as to more fully live her life. I greatly respect that. I don't know if I can totally do that, since so much of my 'real life', between family and church and such, is connected through facebook, but I really admire her ability to 'shut it off'.
But since I'm not ready to do that, I can do other things. I've gone through my friends list and swept out some people that were like the other friend I mentioned - contributing little positive to my life. I sorted out my 'likes' and 'unliked' a lot of them, especially those that only share posts that are negative in nature. I regrouped my friends that were left and those that didn't seem to fit in groups of "family", "friends so close they are family", "church friends I like a lot", "church people I keep online for church business", or "friends whose opinions, humor, or shared items I really respect", I unfriended those as well.
Already my feed is much more positive and more a form of communication than a forum of ranting and raging.
I did the same for Twitter, YouTube, email notifications... everything. Took Pinterest and Tumblr out of my start up pages, I cleared out my RSS feed reader, unsubscribed from a bunch of blogs, and disconnected a ton of apps.
I feel lighter. Even though a lot of those things I rarely used, just the fact that I was connected to them and there was this build-up of crud just seemed to be weighing me down. Things seem cleaner and clearer.
So where do I go from here? Simplify. Clarify. Do this not just with my online life but real life. Clean out my cupboards and drawers. Get rid of a lot of this clutter that just seems be here for the sake of clutter. Do I really need a T-Shirt collection? Fun shirts are fun, but some of these old plain ones need to go. Sweat pants I don't wear? Gone.
I feel good.
But the day is over and now it's Saturday. Am I living differently today? No. Not really. Change takes time. It's easy to clean house, it's harder to rearrange it and buy new furniture. I can say "I'm simplifying" but saying and doing are two different things. I plan to write more. I plan to read more. But plans are just plans. The real test will be a year from now if the simplifying and clarifying are still going on.
Am I rambling? Probably. So what did I learn form yesterday's contemplation and introspection? That I need less negative in my life. News, politics, facebook drama, it's made me emotionally ill. I need positive. I need laughter and love and beauty and music. And I hope I can share more of the same with you.
Anyway, it was really a frustrating and emotional day. I finished a video game that I had been playing for a couple days and found the experience to be really aggravating. I won't tell you which game but it's certainly at the top of the list for 'worst game ever', mostly because of the ending.
I love games. Generally I get a good deal of inspiration and good vibes from them, but this game left me feeling like I had just spent a lot of time playing with a pile of poop. I was disgusted and felt dirty.
That experience sent me into a really contemplative and introspective mood.
What the heck am I doing with my life?
I guess a lot of people get in this kind of mood on their birthday, especially when you get to be about my age. Especially men. Men my age, a lot of them anyway, if they haven't already, go through the whole 'mid-life crisis' thing. The theory is that consciously or subconsciously guys realize that half their life is over and they think about all the things they want in life and haven't gotten so they dump their wife, buy a sports car and generally be a jerk.
Now I won't say I'm having a mid-life crisis. I often joke with my wife that I need a sports car or a motorcycle or 'can I have my mid-life crisis now?' but honestly, I really don't feel any sort of anxiety over being halfway to 90. Yes, on facebook I often whine about how much pain I'm in or how frustrated I am about my kids or politics and I rant and rave and generally make a fool of myself, but the truth is I love my life. I could do with a body that was less broken, but other than that I have an amazing wife, amazing kids, a decent place to live, clean water, and every now and then there is chocolate. Life is good.
So why the introspection and contemplation?
It's my health. I realized that I am carrying a lot of negative energy. During the election I spent a lot of energy expressing my opinions about Obama and Romney and the issues. I got really caught up in it. Was that good or bad? I don't think so. I think it's important to be involved in the political process and work with it to bring about the changes you want to see in the country and the world. But then the election was over. I was happy because most of the people I voted for won and I was looking forward to continuing to work with them (by communicating with them via email or other means) about the issues.
But I was left with this feeling of.... icky-ness. I had engaged in a lot of debates, but now that the election was over there was no more debates. I noticed that I started picking fights to get a debate going to try to regain that feeling of 'battle'. When I couldn't get anything going I had this feeling of just wanting to punch something.
Yea. A lot of negative.
So I determined, as I have many times in the past, that it was time to clean house and sweep out the negative. Starting with facebook.
I lost 2 facebook friends recently. One I'm not too disappointed to see go, the other I honestly consider a 'real life' friend, even though we haven't met yet and I hope though blogs or whatever we can still talk once in a while. But both cases are representative of how dependent I've become on facebook to be my window to the world. My 'real life' friend disconnected facebook so as to more fully live her life. I greatly respect that. I don't know if I can totally do that, since so much of my 'real life', between family and church and such, is connected through facebook, but I really admire her ability to 'shut it off'.
But since I'm not ready to do that, I can do other things. I've gone through my friends list and swept out some people that were like the other friend I mentioned - contributing little positive to my life. I sorted out my 'likes' and 'unliked' a lot of them, especially those that only share posts that are negative in nature. I regrouped my friends that were left and those that didn't seem to fit in groups of "family", "friends so close they are family", "church friends I like a lot", "church people I keep online for church business", or "friends whose opinions, humor, or shared items I really respect", I unfriended those as well.
Already my feed is much more positive and more a form of communication than a forum of ranting and raging.
I did the same for Twitter, YouTube, email notifications... everything. Took Pinterest and Tumblr out of my start up pages, I cleared out my RSS feed reader, unsubscribed from a bunch of blogs, and disconnected a ton of apps.
I feel lighter. Even though a lot of those things I rarely used, just the fact that I was connected to them and there was this build-up of crud just seemed to be weighing me down. Things seem cleaner and clearer.
So where do I go from here? Simplify. Clarify. Do this not just with my online life but real life. Clean out my cupboards and drawers. Get rid of a lot of this clutter that just seems be here for the sake of clutter. Do I really need a T-Shirt collection? Fun shirts are fun, but some of these old plain ones need to go. Sweat pants I don't wear? Gone.
I feel good.
But the day is over and now it's Saturday. Am I living differently today? No. Not really. Change takes time. It's easy to clean house, it's harder to rearrange it and buy new furniture. I can say "I'm simplifying" but saying and doing are two different things. I plan to write more. I plan to read more. But plans are just plans. The real test will be a year from now if the simplifying and clarifying are still going on.
Am I rambling? Probably. So what did I learn form yesterday's contemplation and introspection? That I need less negative in my life. News, politics, facebook drama, it's made me emotionally ill. I need positive. I need laughter and love and beauty and music. And I hope I can share more of the same with you.
Halloween - Bad for Christians?
I have written on this topic before, here. That was 3 years ago. As I re-read that post, I find that I am rather abrupt and even downright snarky. I won't say I'm older and wiser now, but I do like to think that maybe, just maybe, a am a little kinder and gentler. So let's see if I can present this topic in a less snarky manner...
----------
Is Halloween a pagan holiday and therefore should be avoided by Christians?
Yes and no.
There are many sources that discuss the origin of Halloween as a holiday. I'm not going to rehash it here but if you are interested, a good link is this one from The History Channel. Bottom line is yes, there is a "pagan" element to Halloween, but like anything in our modern society it has become a multifaceted event with many different ways of celebrating.
Most of you reading this post are probably concerned about your children. Even if you don't celebrate Halloween in any form, your kids are going to be exposed to it. Whether it's through public school or on the playground or maybe even in Sunday School. Other kids are going to be excited about it and might get your kids wound up about it.
First of all, let me assure you that simply being exposed to something "bad" (apart from a communicable disease) will not harm your child. What important is your reaction.
It's important to talk to your kids. It's always important to talk to your kids, but when it comes to something that is a matter of belief, it is vitally important. As a Christian you eventually want your children to share your beliefs. In my opinion, one of the best ways to make sure that DOESN'T happen is to not explain things to them. If your word on Halloween is "it's bad, that's why", then you've invited your child to figure it out on his own. This rule also applies to drugs, R-rated movies, and honestly everything. Simply saying "no" is seldom enough for any child. This applies to explaining why you do or do not celebrate a holiday in the same way as their friends do.
So what about Halloween? Is it to be celebrated or avoided?
In my opinion, Halloween as it is currently celebrated by children in the United States, bears only passing resemblances to any historic celebrations and no real relation to them. The costumes, the trick-or-treating, the parties with bobbing for apples, the spookiness, the 'haunted houses'...I don't think any of these present any real danger. The worst that will come out of it is a tummy-ache from eating all the candy. In fact I believe Halloween is one of the last things, in our society with our tech that is increasingly isolating us, that encourages a spirit of community participation.
However, that is just my opinion. As with anything as a parent, you need to decide what is best for your children and your family. But the worst thing you can do is ignore it. Even if you home school, never watch TV, and pretty much isolate your children, they will still know about it. And to a kid, dressing up in a fun costume and getting free candy sounds like just about the most fun they could have.
That being said, let me share a little bit about my own experiences with my children and Halloween.
I grew up in a small midwestern town. Halloween was never discussed as being anything "bad". In Cub Scouts, we went trick or treating for UNICEF, collecting money. When we formed a youth group at our tiny Methodist church, we had Halloween parties. Costumes, candy, hot chocolate at the end of the night... I have fun memories.
When I was older I still dressed up in costume and answered the door on Halloween. I was kind of a dork, but still it was fun to me. In our small town it was easy for kids to hit every single house in the whole town, and everyone knew everyone. On those nights I probably answered the door close to 100 times.
I don't remember what I did after high school and before I had kids. But when my first child was born, my wife and I went Halloween crazy. We dressed her up and went trick or treating even though she was too small to understand what was going on and we didn't really know the people in our neighborhood.
The next 14 years were like that.
In 1999, my daughter and I were baptized. Shortly after that we moved to Denver and joined a new church.
In our attempt to fit in with our new church family and also to live our new Christian life, my wife and I came to the conclusion that Halloween was best to be avoided. I can't remember now how exactly we came to that conclusion or what we told the children, but Halloween was completely avoided. Our church's youth group did a "Neewollah" party - no costumes or jack-o-lanterns or anything like that.
We stayed with that church for the next 4 years. Meanwhile, we had had more kids and they were at the age when Halloween sounded pretty awesome. We thought we were doing the right thing for our kids.
Then we moved again. New state, new town, new church. Our new church, even though it was the same 'denomination', had the opposite view of Halloween. They put up a big carnival, with candy and games and costumes and pretty much going all out.
How could this be? we wondered. Same church, just different place and a completely different view of Halloween. Why the difference?
It was then that I realized our mistake.
I was a computer guy. To me everything was logical. I kind of prided myself as being the kind of guy that never took anyone's word for anything and always researched and hunted and figured things out, always getting to the facts of anything. In my own decision to become a Christian I researched history and philosophy and other religions.
We hadn't done that with Halloween. We had just followed.
So we talked. And read. And decided that Halloween was pretty much harmless. While we would stay away from some of the more pagan-ish costumes and decorations, we would go crazy with everything else.
And that brings me to my final point. Educate yourself. You're off to a good start by ending up here. I know this may not be exactly what you're looking for but I hope my story is helpful to you. And above all, do what is best for your family. You know your kids better than anyone and only you can make the best choices for them.
----------
Is Halloween a pagan holiday and therefore should be avoided by Christians?
Yes and no.
There are many sources that discuss the origin of Halloween as a holiday. I'm not going to rehash it here but if you are interested, a good link is this one from The History Channel. Bottom line is yes, there is a "pagan" element to Halloween, but like anything in our modern society it has become a multifaceted event with many different ways of celebrating.
Most of you reading this post are probably concerned about your children. Even if you don't celebrate Halloween in any form, your kids are going to be exposed to it. Whether it's through public school or on the playground or maybe even in Sunday School. Other kids are going to be excited about it and might get your kids wound up about it.
First of all, let me assure you that simply being exposed to something "bad" (apart from a communicable disease) will not harm your child. What important is your reaction.
It's important to talk to your kids. It's always important to talk to your kids, but when it comes to something that is a matter of belief, it is vitally important. As a Christian you eventually want your children to share your beliefs. In my opinion, one of the best ways to make sure that DOESN'T happen is to not explain things to them. If your word on Halloween is "it's bad, that's why", then you've invited your child to figure it out on his own. This rule also applies to drugs, R-rated movies, and honestly everything. Simply saying "no" is seldom enough for any child. This applies to explaining why you do or do not celebrate a holiday in the same way as their friends do.
So what about Halloween? Is it to be celebrated or avoided?
In my opinion, Halloween as it is currently celebrated by children in the United States, bears only passing resemblances to any historic celebrations and no real relation to them. The costumes, the trick-or-treating, the parties with bobbing for apples, the spookiness, the 'haunted houses'...I don't think any of these present any real danger. The worst that will come out of it is a tummy-ache from eating all the candy. In fact I believe Halloween is one of the last things, in our society with our tech that is increasingly isolating us, that encourages a spirit of community participation.
However, that is just my opinion. As with anything as a parent, you need to decide what is best for your children and your family. But the worst thing you can do is ignore it. Even if you home school, never watch TV, and pretty much isolate your children, they will still know about it. And to a kid, dressing up in a fun costume and getting free candy sounds like just about the most fun they could have.
That being said, let me share a little bit about my own experiences with my children and Halloween.
I grew up in a small midwestern town. Halloween was never discussed as being anything "bad". In Cub Scouts, we went trick or treating for UNICEF, collecting money. When we formed a youth group at our tiny Methodist church, we had Halloween parties. Costumes, candy, hot chocolate at the end of the night... I have fun memories.
When I was older I still dressed up in costume and answered the door on Halloween. I was kind of a dork, but still it was fun to me. In our small town it was easy for kids to hit every single house in the whole town, and everyone knew everyone. On those nights I probably answered the door close to 100 times.
I don't remember what I did after high school and before I had kids. But when my first child was born, my wife and I went Halloween crazy. We dressed her up and went trick or treating even though she was too small to understand what was going on and we didn't really know the people in our neighborhood.
The next 14 years were like that.
In 1999, my daughter and I were baptized. Shortly after that we moved to Denver and joined a new church.
In our attempt to fit in with our new church family and also to live our new Christian life, my wife and I came to the conclusion that Halloween was best to be avoided. I can't remember now how exactly we came to that conclusion or what we told the children, but Halloween was completely avoided. Our church's youth group did a "Neewollah" party - no costumes or jack-o-lanterns or anything like that.
We stayed with that church for the next 4 years. Meanwhile, we had had more kids and they were at the age when Halloween sounded pretty awesome. We thought we were doing the right thing for our kids.
Then we moved again. New state, new town, new church. Our new church, even though it was the same 'denomination', had the opposite view of Halloween. They put up a big carnival, with candy and games and costumes and pretty much going all out.
How could this be? we wondered. Same church, just different place and a completely different view of Halloween. Why the difference?
It was then that I realized our mistake.
I was a computer guy. To me everything was logical. I kind of prided myself as being the kind of guy that never took anyone's word for anything and always researched and hunted and figured things out, always getting to the facts of anything. In my own decision to become a Christian I researched history and philosophy and other religions.
We hadn't done that with Halloween. We had just followed.
So we talked. And read. And decided that Halloween was pretty much harmless. While we would stay away from some of the more pagan-ish costumes and decorations, we would go crazy with everything else.
And that brings me to my final point. Educate yourself. You're off to a good start by ending up here. I know this may not be exactly what you're looking for but I hope my story is helpful to you. And above all, do what is best for your family. You know your kids better than anyone and only you can make the best choices for them.
What I want my kids to know about same-sex marriage.
Dear Children of Mine,
We live in a very weird time in history. And a very weird place. The things you will see and do and experience in the course of your life are astounding. Technology is developing faster and faster every day and the things you will be able to do in your life will make my life seem like the playtime of you childhood.
But in the course of your life, with all the shiny new toys, I don't want you to forget to take care of yourselves and the people around you. More than that, I don't want you to forget to take care of all people. It's easy to watch a screen, read a blog, and make judgments about others and their actions, it's another thing to go out there and work and act and be with real people. Don't forget to take care of real people.
I want you to be able to decide for yourselves what is right and wrong. I didn't raise you in the church to just swallow everything everyone says. Even within our church people will say different things on the same subject. I don't want you to be confused, I want you to be informed. Most of all I have tried to give you the tools you need to make intelligent decisions for yourself on every topic. Even religion. I want you to use your amazing minds and plot your own course in everything you do.
We have raised you all in the church. Even in our own church you have heard it said "homosexuality is wrong". But you guys also go to public school and the older ones among you are going to a public college. You have been exposed to people who are homosexual. You might even have teachers that are. You also read and watch TV and movies and you know what being homosexual is all about.
As I write this the United States and other parts of the world are struggling with the issue of same-sex marriage. Many intelligent people on both sides of the issue are arguing whether it is "right" or "wrong" and many states are passing laws, some saying "same-sex marriage is ok" others saying "same-sex marriage is illegal". Many people have drawn lines, thumped the Bible, waved the constitution and generally gotten ugly. On both sides.
As with everything, I am not going to tell you what is right and wrong. I want you to figure out for yourself what you think and what you believe. All I can offer is my opinion and tell you how I arrived at it. So here goes:
There are two aspects to a marriage as it currently exists in the United States. There is the 'religious' ceremony, and there is the legal ceremony.
The religious part is what most people think of when they hear the word "wedding". Two people, a 'man of the cloth', a church, lots of people, the wedding march... that whole bit. Traditions vary among different churches and religions, but many people have some kind of ceremony with lots of pomp and circumstance.
Then there is the legal part. For most of us, this is more of a "thing you have to do" than a ceremony. You go to the courthouse (or other public office) obtain the license, then you, your spouse, the witnesses, and a person licensed to marry you all sign it. In the eyes of the law you are not married without this document properly signed (with the exception of 'common law' marriage, in which some states declare you married if you have lived together for a certain amount of time - but that's another issue).
I tried to do a little research on the civil part of marriage as it exists in the United States. There are differing opinions as to when, why, and how marriage licenses began to be issued, but one thing is clear, after the Civil War they became common and from that time until relatively recently they were used by many states and counties to limit who could be married and who couldn't. Many places would not allow mixed race marriages by not issuing a license to the couple. It was only recently (within the last 50-60 years) that these restrictions have begun to be lifted. For most couples in most parts of the United States, the marriage license is more of a formality and a nuisance than anything else.
So what is the "Same-Sex Marriage" issue all about? From a legal/civil stand point, same-sex couples want the same rights as heterosexual couples that have signed a marriage license. This includes a long list of things that include parental rights, tax purposes, making decisions in the event of a health crisis or death, and so on. For example, Bob and Moe have been together as a same-sex couple for 15 years. Suddenly, Bob dies. Moe, who knew Bob better than anyone, knows exactly what Bob would want for his funeral. Unfortunately, Bob can't make those plans because Bob's family, his surviving siblings and parents, have legal priority. In fact, in some places, they could even keep Moe from attending Bob's funeral.
That is an EXTREME example (and honestly I don't know of any actual cases of this happening) but following the letter of the law in many places this could happen. If you look in the news you will find many cases among same-sex couples where things like this ARE happening.
But what about from a religious/church/Biblical standpoint?
I know that you have gotten conflicting viewpoints on this from me over the years. I used to be very much "anti-gay". I thought I knew that being gay was a choice, and that choice is a sin, and since it's a sin those who choose to live that way are not worthy of God's love.
But as you know (or at least I hope you know), I don't think or feel that way anymore.
Am I going against God? Against the church? Maybe. But let me explain...
I am a sinner. There are many things in my life that are against things the Bible says are wrong. I have lied, stolen, lusted... I have a very large plank in my eye, so to speak. The verses that many point to in the Bible to show that homosexuality are wrong are printed right along side of many others that are about lying, stealing, eating shellfish... To be honest, it's hard to sort out what the Bible REALLY says about homosexuality.
Is it a sin? I don't know. But what I do know is that IF it is a sin, it is not one that I struggle with. But there are many others that I do struggle with. And, currently, there no laws to prevent me from "indulging" in those sins. My sins, from a legal standpoint, are legal.
Which brings me to my point. By legalizing same-sex marriage, no one is forcing anyone to perform the marriage ceremony of anyone else. By making it legal to sign a marriage license, states are not requiring that churches perform the religious part of a same-sex wedding. Some churches might choose to do so, but no one is requiring it (as far as I know). Churches and others who hold privately owned spaces are still free to choose who uses that space for what purpose.
Those advocating for Same-Sex Marriage are not trying to force any religion to change it's point of view. What they do want is the the same LEGAL rights as heterosexual couples. They want to be 'legal'.
So IF same-sex marriage is a sin, should it be illegal? That is the question many states are dealing with. Some say "yes, who cares if it's a sin, let it be legal" others say "no, we try to base our laws on how we interpret the Bible, so we can't let it be legal".
But then there are my sins. Even though, by definition, my sins are against the Bible, according to the law they are legal. I will not embarrass you, children, by telling you what they are, but it's enough to say that when I "indulge" them, I don't hurt anyone. My sins are not rape or murder, nor do they involve physically hurting another individual. Same-Sex marriage, again IF it is a sin, doesn't hurt anyone either. Why are my "harmless according to the law" sins legal, but same-sex marriage is not?
And that's how I came to the point of view that I currently hold. From a Constitutional, legal, standpoint, there is no reason that same-sex marriage should be prohibited. (Granted, I am not an expert on the Constitution, nor the law, but from what I can read, there is nothing that describes or defines marriage in the Constitution of the United States.) Why should my sins be legal while the "sins" of others are prohibited? Do I like the idea of Same-Sex Marriage? It makes no difference what I think.
In the end, I am responsible for my own relationship between me and my God. I am responsible to you, children, and those around me. Is it my job to go around pointing out the sins of others? No. Not while I have this huge plank in my eye - which we all have from our own personal sins. As I said before, don't forget to take care of real people. Starting with yourself. And remember that taking care of people doesn't mean going around pointing out what they are doing wrong, it means to pick them up when they fall down.
Always remember the story of the Good Samaritan. In the eyes of that Samaritan, the wounded Jewish man was the worst sinner imaginable. And the Jewish man would have seen him the same way. But instead of lecturing the man while he was down about how his sins were wrong and how he worshiped the wrong god in the wrong place and so on, he picked him up, took him to get help, and footed the bill. In the parable, Jesus did not tell us what they said to each other. Why? Because it wasn't important. What was important was the ACTION of one sinner taking care of another.
And that's what we should do. Instead of trying to prevent the world from committing what we see as 'sin', we instead need to go to those who have fallen down and help them back up. It doesn't matter what you think is right or wrong, children, when it comes to other people. Decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong and do you best to live by those guidelines, but DO NOT expect everyone everywhere to see the world as you see it. Instead, be a friend to everyone. Love everyone. Pick up those who fall down.
And leave the rest to God.
I'm off on a rant now, so I'll close it up here. I don't want you to get caught up in something that doesn't really concern you. Love and protect those around you, do your best to help others in need. Do no harm. Leave the rest because you don't need the stress. Trust God, always.
And remember, children, that no matter what you do, where you go, or what you become, I will always love you.
All my love,
Dad
We live in a very weird time in history. And a very weird place. The things you will see and do and experience in the course of your life are astounding. Technology is developing faster and faster every day and the things you will be able to do in your life will make my life seem like the playtime of you childhood.
But in the course of your life, with all the shiny new toys, I don't want you to forget to take care of yourselves and the people around you. More than that, I don't want you to forget to take care of all people. It's easy to watch a screen, read a blog, and make judgments about others and their actions, it's another thing to go out there and work and act and be with real people. Don't forget to take care of real people.
I want you to be able to decide for yourselves what is right and wrong. I didn't raise you in the church to just swallow everything everyone says. Even within our church people will say different things on the same subject. I don't want you to be confused, I want you to be informed. Most of all I have tried to give you the tools you need to make intelligent decisions for yourself on every topic. Even religion. I want you to use your amazing minds and plot your own course in everything you do.
We have raised you all in the church. Even in our own church you have heard it said "homosexuality is wrong". But you guys also go to public school and the older ones among you are going to a public college. You have been exposed to people who are homosexual. You might even have teachers that are. You also read and watch TV and movies and you know what being homosexual is all about.
As I write this the United States and other parts of the world are struggling with the issue of same-sex marriage. Many intelligent people on both sides of the issue are arguing whether it is "right" or "wrong" and many states are passing laws, some saying "same-sex marriage is ok" others saying "same-sex marriage is illegal". Many people have drawn lines, thumped the Bible, waved the constitution and generally gotten ugly. On both sides.
As with everything, I am not going to tell you what is right and wrong. I want you to figure out for yourself what you think and what you believe. All I can offer is my opinion and tell you how I arrived at it. So here goes:
There are two aspects to a marriage as it currently exists in the United States. There is the 'religious' ceremony, and there is the legal ceremony.
The religious part is what most people think of when they hear the word "wedding". Two people, a 'man of the cloth', a church, lots of people, the wedding march... that whole bit. Traditions vary among different churches and religions, but many people have some kind of ceremony with lots of pomp and circumstance.
Then there is the legal part. For most of us, this is more of a "thing you have to do" than a ceremony. You go to the courthouse (or other public office) obtain the license, then you, your spouse, the witnesses, and a person licensed to marry you all sign it. In the eyes of the law you are not married without this document properly signed (with the exception of 'common law' marriage, in which some states declare you married if you have lived together for a certain amount of time - but that's another issue).
I tried to do a little research on the civil part of marriage as it exists in the United States. There are differing opinions as to when, why, and how marriage licenses began to be issued, but one thing is clear, after the Civil War they became common and from that time until relatively recently they were used by many states and counties to limit who could be married and who couldn't. Many places would not allow mixed race marriages by not issuing a license to the couple. It was only recently (within the last 50-60 years) that these restrictions have begun to be lifted. For most couples in most parts of the United States, the marriage license is more of a formality and a nuisance than anything else.
So what is the "Same-Sex Marriage" issue all about? From a legal/civil stand point, same-sex couples want the same rights as heterosexual couples that have signed a marriage license. This includes a long list of things that include parental rights, tax purposes, making decisions in the event of a health crisis or death, and so on. For example, Bob and Moe have been together as a same-sex couple for 15 years. Suddenly, Bob dies. Moe, who knew Bob better than anyone, knows exactly what Bob would want for his funeral. Unfortunately, Bob can't make those plans because Bob's family, his surviving siblings and parents, have legal priority. In fact, in some places, they could even keep Moe from attending Bob's funeral.
That is an EXTREME example (and honestly I don't know of any actual cases of this happening) but following the letter of the law in many places this could happen. If you look in the news you will find many cases among same-sex couples where things like this ARE happening.
But what about from a religious/church/Biblical standpoint?
I know that you have gotten conflicting viewpoints on this from me over the years. I used to be very much "anti-gay". I thought I knew that being gay was a choice, and that choice is a sin, and since it's a sin those who choose to live that way are not worthy of God's love.
But as you know (or at least I hope you know), I don't think or feel that way anymore.
Am I going against God? Against the church? Maybe. But let me explain...
I am a sinner. There are many things in my life that are against things the Bible says are wrong. I have lied, stolen, lusted... I have a very large plank in my eye, so to speak. The verses that many point to in the Bible to show that homosexuality are wrong are printed right along side of many others that are about lying, stealing, eating shellfish... To be honest, it's hard to sort out what the Bible REALLY says about homosexuality.
Is it a sin? I don't know. But what I do know is that IF it is a sin, it is not one that I struggle with. But there are many others that I do struggle with. And, currently, there no laws to prevent me from "indulging" in those sins. My sins, from a legal standpoint, are legal.
Which brings me to my point. By legalizing same-sex marriage, no one is forcing anyone to perform the marriage ceremony of anyone else. By making it legal to sign a marriage license, states are not requiring that churches perform the religious part of a same-sex wedding. Some churches might choose to do so, but no one is requiring it (as far as I know). Churches and others who hold privately owned spaces are still free to choose who uses that space for what purpose.
Those advocating for Same-Sex Marriage are not trying to force any religion to change it's point of view. What they do want is the the same LEGAL rights as heterosexual couples. They want to be 'legal'.
So IF same-sex marriage is a sin, should it be illegal? That is the question many states are dealing with. Some say "yes, who cares if it's a sin, let it be legal" others say "no, we try to base our laws on how we interpret the Bible, so we can't let it be legal".
But then there are my sins. Even though, by definition, my sins are against the Bible, according to the law they are legal. I will not embarrass you, children, by telling you what they are, but it's enough to say that when I "indulge" them, I don't hurt anyone. My sins are not rape or murder, nor do they involve physically hurting another individual. Same-Sex marriage, again IF it is a sin, doesn't hurt anyone either. Why are my "harmless according to the law" sins legal, but same-sex marriage is not?
And that's how I came to the point of view that I currently hold. From a Constitutional, legal, standpoint, there is no reason that same-sex marriage should be prohibited. (Granted, I am not an expert on the Constitution, nor the law, but from what I can read, there is nothing that describes or defines marriage in the Constitution of the United States.) Why should my sins be legal while the "sins" of others are prohibited? Do I like the idea of Same-Sex Marriage? It makes no difference what I think.
In the end, I am responsible for my own relationship between me and my God. I am responsible to you, children, and those around me. Is it my job to go around pointing out the sins of others? No. Not while I have this huge plank in my eye - which we all have from our own personal sins. As I said before, don't forget to take care of real people. Starting with yourself. And remember that taking care of people doesn't mean going around pointing out what they are doing wrong, it means to pick them up when they fall down.
Always remember the story of the Good Samaritan. In the eyes of that Samaritan, the wounded Jewish man was the worst sinner imaginable. And the Jewish man would have seen him the same way. But instead of lecturing the man while he was down about how his sins were wrong and how he worshiped the wrong god in the wrong place and so on, he picked him up, took him to get help, and footed the bill. In the parable, Jesus did not tell us what they said to each other. Why? Because it wasn't important. What was important was the ACTION of one sinner taking care of another.
And that's what we should do. Instead of trying to prevent the world from committing what we see as 'sin', we instead need to go to those who have fallen down and help them back up. It doesn't matter what you think is right or wrong, children, when it comes to other people. Decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong and do you best to live by those guidelines, but DO NOT expect everyone everywhere to see the world as you see it. Instead, be a friend to everyone. Love everyone. Pick up those who fall down.
And leave the rest to God.
I'm off on a rant now, so I'll close it up here. I don't want you to get caught up in something that doesn't really concern you. Love and protect those around you, do your best to help others in need. Do no harm. Leave the rest because you don't need the stress. Trust God, always.
And remember, children, that no matter what you do, where you go, or what you become, I will always love you.
All my love,
Dad
Thinking about: Forgiveness - easy?
A short while back I got a call from my brother. This is noteworthy because I hadn't heard from my brother in years. We didn't get along well as kids, but as adults I thought we had reached a point where we could at least talk to each other. But then for reasons unclear to both of us we just stopped talking. Then, out of the blue, after almost 7 years, he calls.
I won't share the whole conversation, but we got on the subject of forgiveness.
"You're a Christian, it's easy for you to forgive, right? Wish it was that easy for me."
"Easy?", I ask, "Who said anything about easy?"
"Well, isn't that what it's all about? You have to forgive people. Turn the other cheek and all that."
He had a point. Isn't forgiveness the root of the Christian life? Turn the other cheek, seventy times seven, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?
"Well, that's certainly a big part of it, but that doesn't mean it's easy."
"Well sure it is. You say a prayer to your God and He just makes it go away. Or at least that's what your church tells you."
"I don't remember that, but let me tell you, bro, there isn't anything easy about it. There is no magical formula, no special words I can say that just makes it go away. Do I try to practice forgiveness? Yes. But forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting and it's because I can't forget that makes the forgiving part very very hard sometimes."
-------
Forgiveness is certainly a big part of the teachings of Jesus. But no where, in not a single verse or passage, did Jesus say it would be easy.
Now, I'm not talking about just saying the words "I forgive you" and acting like everything is OK, I'm talking about true forgiveness. The kind of forgiveness that it takes to actually turn the other cheek, the kind of forgiveness that it takes for the parents of a murdered child to visit the murderer on death row and be his friend, the kind of forgiveness it takes for you treat the person who has wronged you the most as if they were truly loved by you. That is how forgiveness is shown in the New Testament and that kind of forgiveness is very very rare, and very VERY hard to do.
I will spare you the boring personal details of the events of my life, but needless to say there are things that have happened, things that have been done to me and the people in my life, that I have needed to forgive other people for having done. Needed to? Yes, needed to. Because they were sorry and deserved to be forgiven? No. Because the Bible tells me to and I have to? Well, I don't think there are any "have-tos" so no, not for that reason either.
I needed to forgive them for me. I needed to forgive them so I could put an end to those things and put them behind me. Not letting them off the hook, letting me off the hook. Not so I could forget, but so I could put those things away once and for all.
I'd like to expand on that, but that's another blog post. This time I want to talk about how hard it is to forgive, even in the Christian life.
You, dear reader, may be a Christian, maybe not. (If not, stick with me, because this applies do you, too.) No matter what your "religious persuasion", you can do this exercise:
Think of something painful that someone else has done to you. How does that make you feel? Just the process of recalling a memory brings up all the emotion associated with the original event. Anger, pain, confusion, shame - all that is boiling just under the surface with that memory just waiting to be brought up again.
It's the complex set of emotions associated with an event, and a person, that makes it hard to forgive.
I could cite articles, but there are hundreds from doctors and scientists that show how emotion and memory are linked. (Here's an example published on WebMD.com.) Emotion helps "brand" things into your memory. That's why your can probably clearly remember your first kiss but not what you had for breakfast that day. There was much more emotion coursing through you at the time of the kiss than there was at the breakfast table. Your emotions have set that memory permanently in your mind, and while they were at it, they set themselves right along with it. Think of that first kiss. What emotions come up along with that image?
Emotion makes it hard to forgive. Hard, but not impossible.
But you might have to work, and work very hard, for it.
So where to start?
I am not an expert. I'm not a psychiatrist, I didn't go to Bible college, I'm not a published author, nor am I a popular blogger. I'm just a guy. So the only advice I have to offer is my own.
There was one thing that it took me an especially long time to forgive. There's no reason to go into the details, but I will share my process of forgiving the people involved.
I started by admitting that I was doing more to hurt myself by holding on to anger and bitterness than I was hurting the others involved. Withholding forgiveness for what happened had no effect on them whatsoever, it was myself that I was hurting by holding on to all that stuff.
It's hard to accept that you are hurting yourself, but think about it. In my case, the people I was refusing to forgive had hurt me. I did not really have a relationship with them anymore, but I thought as long as I held on to that anger that I was in some way paying them back. They didn't deserve my forgiveness. They weren't sorry, they never apologized, and for all I knew they were out there hurting other people. But I was going to show them. I was going to just not forgive them, then they'll know they'd done wrong.
Not every logical is it. When emotion is involved things are seldom logical.
Once you have accepted the first step, "withholding forgiveness hurts me more than it hurts them", then the next step is to disarm your emotions. I'm not talking about disarm them like you disarm a bomb (turn them off), I'm talking about disarm like one would disarm a bank robber - take away the weapon he would use to hurt you.
When the memory of an painful event comes to mind, the pain comes with it. We've all experienced this. An example would be lying in bed at night, about to go to sleep, and just letting your mind drift. One memory calls to mind another, then suddenly "that" memory comes up. And you feel it. You feel in your chest or in your gut, an ache, a stab, whatever it is it's a physical pain. No matter whether the event was a day ago or a decade ago, the memory brings the same pain.
What you may not realize is that along with that initial stab there's a low simmering pain. This is what might make you feel nauseated the longer the memory is in the front of your mind. But even when you're not thinking about it, that simmering pain is there, in the back of your mind. And if you have enough stuff simmering back there, you are doing yourself real physical damage. This is the thing we need to disable. Because our minds don't normally allow us to forget these painful events that stab in the middle of the night, but we can cut the power to that constant simmering pain that in the long run is going to do us the most harm.
So how do we do that? Well, again, I can only speak from my own experience. The way we do it is to face the event head on. This can be the hardest part of the whole process.
What I did was write about it. I didn't share it with anyone, but on paper I told the whole story, beginning to end, as I remembered it. I didn't care about grammar, spelling, anything like that, I just poured it out. I didn't even care if what I was writing was true, it was true to me. I just got it out.
You don't have to write, but you need to find some way to get it out of your head in a way that lets you examine it. Maybe that means talking with a neutral party, someone willing to just listen and not try to 'fix it', or maybe talk to a video camera. The mode does not matter. The important thing is putting it "out there" someplace other than your head.
What this does is it separates the memory from the emotion. The emotion is still inside you, but now your memory of the event is someplace besides inside your head. You can look at it, go back and forth through it, in a way that's hard to do inside your mind. The emotion is still there, inside you, but now you can deal with the emotion separately from the memory.
And you must deal with it. This is the next part, dealing with those emotions. Let yourself be mad. Or hurt. Or whatever you feel. Feel it. Express it. Break things. Throw things. Yell. Scream. Do whatever it takes to process the emotions. As for me, I wrote again. Previously I wrote facts as I saw them, this time I wrote feelings. Every little raw painful feeling I had.
The point is, feel the feelings. Release them instead of holding on to them. This isn't to say you're never going to feel these feelings associated with this memory, you will always feel them, but this is the process of taking away their weapons. Taking away the things that hurt you.
Incidentally, this isn't quick process. I am certainly not saying you have to move through these steps in the course of a few hours or even days. Weeks, months, years are probably better time lines to expect.
Now the hard part, the actual forgiving.
As I said before, this does not have to public. No one has to know at all, just you.
What does it mean to forgive? What does that word mean anyway? What it really means is "to cease to feel resentment" against someone. This isn't pardoning them, this isn't forgetting what they did, it's changing how you feel when you think about them.
Everything I've talked about so far has been leading up to this. As I said, you emotions are always going to be there, the memory is always going to be there. What this part is dealing with is your emotional response to the person or people who wronged you when those memories come to mind. You don't have to love them. You don't have to like them at all. But the hate and anger are what needs to go. Even if the best you can feel is neutral, then neutral it is.
How to do this? There's no simple answer. All I can tell you is my experience. Again I fell to writing. I wrote letters that never got sent. The letters I wrote were more than just "you did this to me, this is how I feel, but now you can't hurt me", though that was part of it. I wrote about what I think they are doing now, how the event that hurt me so much affected their life - or rather how it didn't. I also talked about my life. What it was holding on to the pain, and how it will be after I let them go. I told them that I was forgiving them for me, but not pardoning their actions. And I told them that I wouldn't forget.
And that's it, that's forgiveness. NOT. Guess what. It's not a process, it's a life style. It's not a one time event, it's forgiving them over and over and over again. Daily.
This is the real trick. Continuing to keep this event out of your life. Your brain won't let you forget, your emotions won't let you forget, but you control how you react when it comes to the surface.
I use a box. An imaginary box. When something haunts me, I don't let my thoughts run away. I imagine myself grabbing that thing, stuffing it in the box, then destroying the box. Sometimes I set it on fire. Sometimes I launch it into space. Sometimes I take my official Star Fleet issued phaser, set it to "disintegrate with severe pain and agony", and blast that sucker out of existence. Again, find something that works for you. Paint, draw, write, distract yourself, something positive.
So that's my experience. Preachers might disagree with me, counselors too, but this is what works for me.
Easy? No. The particular event that is the basis for this post took me years - and years - to process, deal with, and finally let go of. There are no short cuts, but in the end I feel better, freer, and overall healthier for having let this thing stop hurting me.
I'm very interested in talking about this. If you have thoughts or comments, share them, please.
I won't share the whole conversation, but we got on the subject of forgiveness.
"You're a Christian, it's easy for you to forgive, right? Wish it was that easy for me."
"Easy?", I ask, "Who said anything about easy?"
"Well, isn't that what it's all about? You have to forgive people. Turn the other cheek and all that."
He had a point. Isn't forgiveness the root of the Christian life? Turn the other cheek, seventy times seven, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?
"Well, that's certainly a big part of it, but that doesn't mean it's easy."
"Well sure it is. You say a prayer to your God and He just makes it go away. Or at least that's what your church tells you."
"I don't remember that, but let me tell you, bro, there isn't anything easy about it. There is no magical formula, no special words I can say that just makes it go away. Do I try to practice forgiveness? Yes. But forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting and it's because I can't forget that makes the forgiving part very very hard sometimes."
-------
Forgiveness is certainly a big part of the teachings of Jesus. But no where, in not a single verse or passage, did Jesus say it would be easy.
Now, I'm not talking about just saying the words "I forgive you" and acting like everything is OK, I'm talking about true forgiveness. The kind of forgiveness that it takes to actually turn the other cheek, the kind of forgiveness that it takes for the parents of a murdered child to visit the murderer on death row and be his friend, the kind of forgiveness it takes for you treat the person who has wronged you the most as if they were truly loved by you. That is how forgiveness is shown in the New Testament and that kind of forgiveness is very very rare, and very VERY hard to do.
I will spare you the boring personal details of the events of my life, but needless to say there are things that have happened, things that have been done to me and the people in my life, that I have needed to forgive other people for having done. Needed to? Yes, needed to. Because they were sorry and deserved to be forgiven? No. Because the Bible tells me to and I have to? Well, I don't think there are any "have-tos" so no, not for that reason either.
I needed to forgive them for me. I needed to forgive them so I could put an end to those things and put them behind me. Not letting them off the hook, letting me off the hook. Not so I could forget, but so I could put those things away once and for all.
I'd like to expand on that, but that's another blog post. This time I want to talk about how hard it is to forgive, even in the Christian life.
You, dear reader, may be a Christian, maybe not. (If not, stick with me, because this applies do you, too.) No matter what your "religious persuasion", you can do this exercise:
Think of something painful that someone else has done to you. How does that make you feel? Just the process of recalling a memory brings up all the emotion associated with the original event. Anger, pain, confusion, shame - all that is boiling just under the surface with that memory just waiting to be brought up again.
It's the complex set of emotions associated with an event, and a person, that makes it hard to forgive.
I could cite articles, but there are hundreds from doctors and scientists that show how emotion and memory are linked. (Here's an example published on WebMD.com.) Emotion helps "brand" things into your memory. That's why your can probably clearly remember your first kiss but not what you had for breakfast that day. There was much more emotion coursing through you at the time of the kiss than there was at the breakfast table. Your emotions have set that memory permanently in your mind, and while they were at it, they set themselves right along with it. Think of that first kiss. What emotions come up along with that image?
Emotion makes it hard to forgive. Hard, but not impossible.
But you might have to work, and work very hard, for it.
So where to start?
I am not an expert. I'm not a psychiatrist, I didn't go to Bible college, I'm not a published author, nor am I a popular blogger. I'm just a guy. So the only advice I have to offer is my own.
There was one thing that it took me an especially long time to forgive. There's no reason to go into the details, but I will share my process of forgiving the people involved.
I started by admitting that I was doing more to hurt myself by holding on to anger and bitterness than I was hurting the others involved. Withholding forgiveness for what happened had no effect on them whatsoever, it was myself that I was hurting by holding on to all that stuff.
It's hard to accept that you are hurting yourself, but think about it. In my case, the people I was refusing to forgive had hurt me. I did not really have a relationship with them anymore, but I thought as long as I held on to that anger that I was in some way paying them back. They didn't deserve my forgiveness. They weren't sorry, they never apologized, and for all I knew they were out there hurting other people. But I was going to show them. I was going to just not forgive them, then they'll know they'd done wrong.
Not every logical is it. When emotion is involved things are seldom logical.
A sidebar here. Some people will tell you that you have to face the people your are forgiving to truly practice forgiveness and "letting go". And I think that can be good, if it's someone you wish to continue a relationship with. But if it's someone you haven't continued to associate with, then I don't see any reason in talking with them. It is perfectly ok to have a "secret" forgiveness. As I said before, forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean you just throw the doors of your heart and life open wide and give people the opportunity to do it again. "Turn the other cheek" and "forgive them 70 times 7 times" does not mean you let yourself be an idiot. I don't think that's what Jesus meant when he said those things. Forgiveness in a relationship can and will lead to changing hearts on both sides. Forgiving someone who is no longer part of your life can and will change your heart and since they are no longer part of your life, what do you care where their heart is? Maybe some will think that's a little "unChristian", but I am speaking from experience. Sometimes it's better to just have some people out of your life.
Once you have accepted the first step, "withholding forgiveness hurts me more than it hurts them", then the next step is to disarm your emotions. I'm not talking about disarm them like you disarm a bomb (turn them off), I'm talking about disarm like one would disarm a bank robber - take away the weapon he would use to hurt you.
When the memory of an painful event comes to mind, the pain comes with it. We've all experienced this. An example would be lying in bed at night, about to go to sleep, and just letting your mind drift. One memory calls to mind another, then suddenly "that" memory comes up. And you feel it. You feel in your chest or in your gut, an ache, a stab, whatever it is it's a physical pain. No matter whether the event was a day ago or a decade ago, the memory brings the same pain.
What you may not realize is that along with that initial stab there's a low simmering pain. This is what might make you feel nauseated the longer the memory is in the front of your mind. But even when you're not thinking about it, that simmering pain is there, in the back of your mind. And if you have enough stuff simmering back there, you are doing yourself real physical damage. This is the thing we need to disable. Because our minds don't normally allow us to forget these painful events that stab in the middle of the night, but we can cut the power to that constant simmering pain that in the long run is going to do us the most harm.
So how do we do that? Well, again, I can only speak from my own experience. The way we do it is to face the event head on. This can be the hardest part of the whole process.
What I did was write about it. I didn't share it with anyone, but on paper I told the whole story, beginning to end, as I remembered it. I didn't care about grammar, spelling, anything like that, I just poured it out. I didn't even care if what I was writing was true, it was true to me. I just got it out.
You don't have to write, but you need to find some way to get it out of your head in a way that lets you examine it. Maybe that means talking with a neutral party, someone willing to just listen and not try to 'fix it', or maybe talk to a video camera. The mode does not matter. The important thing is putting it "out there" someplace other than your head.
What this does is it separates the memory from the emotion. The emotion is still inside you, but now your memory of the event is someplace besides inside your head. You can look at it, go back and forth through it, in a way that's hard to do inside your mind. The emotion is still there, inside you, but now you can deal with the emotion separately from the memory.
And you must deal with it. This is the next part, dealing with those emotions. Let yourself be mad. Or hurt. Or whatever you feel. Feel it. Express it. Break things. Throw things. Yell. Scream. Do whatever it takes to process the emotions. As for me, I wrote again. Previously I wrote facts as I saw them, this time I wrote feelings. Every little raw painful feeling I had.
The point is, feel the feelings. Release them instead of holding on to them. This isn't to say you're never going to feel these feelings associated with this memory, you will always feel them, but this is the process of taking away their weapons. Taking away the things that hurt you.
Incidentally, this isn't quick process. I am certainly not saying you have to move through these steps in the course of a few hours or even days. Weeks, months, years are probably better time lines to expect.
Now the hard part, the actual forgiving.
As I said before, this does not have to public. No one has to know at all, just you.
What does it mean to forgive? What does that word mean anyway? What it really means is "to cease to feel resentment" against someone. This isn't pardoning them, this isn't forgetting what they did, it's changing how you feel when you think about them.
Everything I've talked about so far has been leading up to this. As I said, you emotions are always going to be there, the memory is always going to be there. What this part is dealing with is your emotional response to the person or people who wronged you when those memories come to mind. You don't have to love them. You don't have to like them at all. But the hate and anger are what needs to go. Even if the best you can feel is neutral, then neutral it is.
How to do this? There's no simple answer. All I can tell you is my experience. Again I fell to writing. I wrote letters that never got sent. The letters I wrote were more than just "you did this to me, this is how I feel, but now you can't hurt me", though that was part of it. I wrote about what I think they are doing now, how the event that hurt me so much affected their life - or rather how it didn't. I also talked about my life. What it was holding on to the pain, and how it will be after I let them go. I told them that I was forgiving them for me, but not pardoning their actions. And I told them that I wouldn't forget.
And that's it, that's forgiveness. NOT. Guess what. It's not a process, it's a life style. It's not a one time event, it's forgiving them over and over and over again. Daily.
This is the real trick. Continuing to keep this event out of your life. Your brain won't let you forget, your emotions won't let you forget, but you control how you react when it comes to the surface.
I use a box. An imaginary box. When something haunts me, I don't let my thoughts run away. I imagine myself grabbing that thing, stuffing it in the box, then destroying the box. Sometimes I set it on fire. Sometimes I launch it into space. Sometimes I take my official Star Fleet issued phaser, set it to "disintegrate with severe pain and agony", and blast that sucker out of existence. Again, find something that works for you. Paint, draw, write, distract yourself, something positive.
So that's my experience. Preachers might disagree with me, counselors too, but this is what works for me.
Easy? No. The particular event that is the basis for this post took me years - and years - to process, deal with, and finally let go of. There are no short cuts, but in the end I feel better, freer, and overall healthier for having let this thing stop hurting me.
I'm very interested in talking about this. If you have thoughts or comments, share them, please.
The Lazarus Church
Note from the author: I've stated many times in this blog that I have issues with my church. That I feel I don't belong there, that I feel that because I kind of "stand out", that some there look down on me. While there are a few individuals that still make me feel that way, things have gotten much better. There are a greater number of people who make me feel welcome, wanted and loved. The comments in this blog are just me spewing my feelings and in no way am I claiming that these individuals are "bad" people or less loved by God. The views previously shared here were, and continue to be, my opinions and feelings.
The Lazarus Church - God still brings back the dead.
We joined our church in late 2003. We had moved to the area in pursuit of a better job opportunity and the company that hired me moved us from Denver to the Four Corners area. We wanted a church that believed as we did, and that led us to the church we currently call home.
Our first Sunday at the church looked something like this: There were 4 cars in the lot. The auditorium or sanctuary or whatever you want to call it was fairly large, but greatly disorganized. Chairs seemed to be scattered haphazardly about as if several small groups had met at the same time, then left without putting the chairs back in order. About 20 or so were lined up facing the left side of the stage, which, except for the piano and electronic organ, was unused. A music stand was placed on the floor in front of the stage facing the chairs.
The preacher was an unpaid volunteer, a member but not an elder or part of leadership structure of the church. Attendance that morning was 18. 8 of which was me and my family.
At the time, I didn't know the history of the church. Obviously, this wasn't a new church. The few in attendance were well into their 60s and older. The building was relatively new and belonged to the congregation that used it.
What I saw was the dying gasp of a church. A body that obviously was once alive and active had dwindled to a small handful of faithful (or stubborn) members that, due to age, were no longer able to perform the mission of the church.
With a lot of prayer and maybe a touch of sympathy, we decided to join. Our feeling at the time was that this church needed us. It needed someone new to keep it alive and running.
I won't go into the issues that our church was having. I still don't really understand it all. But generally speaking, selfish leadership, entrenched politics, and an attitude of "we've always done it this way" led to several bad choices. In the end, growth was stunted and slowly the body was dying off, in many cases, literally.
Fast forward 7 years. Politics and posturing have finally been given the boot. Instead of 5 cars in the lot, there are 30. The chairs are ordered and full. More chairs are placed in the back to handle the overflow. The music, instead of slow and somber, is bright, flowing, and joyful. The auditorium is bright and clean. The stage is clear, making room for the energetic preacher to wander and gesture and teach. The average age of members (if you don't factor in the growing number of children) is 30 something instead of 60 something.
What made the difference? I could point to several factors that, taken together, have made a difference, but in the end there's really only one explanation: God showed up. We are Lazarus. Once dead and called to come forth from our tomb.
God still does miracles.
The Lazarus Church - God still brings back the dead.
We joined our church in late 2003. We had moved to the area in pursuit of a better job opportunity and the company that hired me moved us from Denver to the Four Corners area. We wanted a church that believed as we did, and that led us to the church we currently call home.
Our first Sunday at the church looked something like this: There were 4 cars in the lot. The auditorium or sanctuary or whatever you want to call it was fairly large, but greatly disorganized. Chairs seemed to be scattered haphazardly about as if several small groups had met at the same time, then left without putting the chairs back in order. About 20 or so were lined up facing the left side of the stage, which, except for the piano and electronic organ, was unused. A music stand was placed on the floor in front of the stage facing the chairs.
The preacher was an unpaid volunteer, a member but not an elder or part of leadership structure of the church. Attendance that morning was 18. 8 of which was me and my family.
At the time, I didn't know the history of the church. Obviously, this wasn't a new church. The few in attendance were well into their 60s and older. The building was relatively new and belonged to the congregation that used it.
What I saw was the dying gasp of a church. A body that obviously was once alive and active had dwindled to a small handful of faithful (or stubborn) members that, due to age, were no longer able to perform the mission of the church.
With a lot of prayer and maybe a touch of sympathy, we decided to join. Our feeling at the time was that this church needed us. It needed someone new to keep it alive and running.
I won't go into the issues that our church was having. I still don't really understand it all. But generally speaking, selfish leadership, entrenched politics, and an attitude of "we've always done it this way" led to several bad choices. In the end, growth was stunted and slowly the body was dying off, in many cases, literally.
Fast forward 7 years. Politics and posturing have finally been given the boot. Instead of 5 cars in the lot, there are 30. The chairs are ordered and full. More chairs are placed in the back to handle the overflow. The music, instead of slow and somber, is bright, flowing, and joyful. The auditorium is bright and clean. The stage is clear, making room for the energetic preacher to wander and gesture and teach. The average age of members (if you don't factor in the growing number of children) is 30 something instead of 60 something.
What made the difference? I could point to several factors that, taken together, have made a difference, but in the end there's really only one explanation: God showed up. We are Lazarus. Once dead and called to come forth from our tomb.
God still does miracles.
Today's offering thought
The preacher asked me to do the offering prayer in church this morning at the last minute (literally as I came in the door). A Bible story immediately came to mind, I shared that and spoke from the heart. A lot of people seemed to really like what I said. I don't take any credit, it was totally a God thing, but I thought I'd jot it down.
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For our offering prayer I want to share a little story. You all know it, the Gospel writers all made a point of sharing it with us. This is from John chapter 6 starting at verse 5:
Some of you have been coming here for quite a long time, you remember a time when Sunrise church was very small. My wife and I were saying this morning that there was a time when we'd pull in the parking lot and we'd be happy to see 5 cars in the parking lot because that meant we had a lot of people that morning. Then we pulled in this morning and almost couldn't find a place to park! Through the faithfulness of those few that were here and the little they had to give it's brought forth this, all these people in our church this morning.
I look out here, seeing all of you and it reminds me that even when we are small and we only have a little to give, the Lord can take that and do great things with it.
It's through your giving, through your witness, and through your sharing that this church continues to grow and the Lord has continued to spread here in the Farmington area and the Four Corners.
I'm glad we serve a Lord that can do great things with very little.
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For our offering prayer I want to share a little story. You all know it, the Gospel writers all made a point of sharing it with us. This is from John chapter 6 starting at verse 5:
When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.Now the bible doesn't tell us what happened to that little boy, but I always think it's funny to imagine that after everyone had eaten their fill, they didn't know what to do with the leftovers so they gave them back to the boy. And here's the little boy struggling to carry home 12 big baskets full of food! I think that's a great reminder of how, even when you are small and you have little to give, the Lord can do very much with it.
Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”
Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”
Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten. (NIV)
Some of you have been coming here for quite a long time, you remember a time when Sunrise church was very small. My wife and I were saying this morning that there was a time when we'd pull in the parking lot and we'd be happy to see 5 cars in the parking lot because that meant we had a lot of people that morning. Then we pulled in this morning and almost couldn't find a place to park! Through the faithfulness of those few that were here and the little they had to give it's brought forth this, all these people in our church this morning.
I look out here, seeing all of you and it reminds me that even when we are small and we only have a little to give, the Lord can take that and do great things with it.
It's through your giving, through your witness, and through your sharing that this church continues to grow and the Lord has continued to spread here in the Farmington area and the Four Corners.
I'm glad we serve a Lord that can do great things with very little.
Keeping Christmas - By Henry Van Dyke
Blog owner's note: Thought this was worth sharing again.
It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere marking of times and seasons, when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man to set his own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time.
But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.
Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellow-men are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness--are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you; to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open--are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world--stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death--and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas.
And if you keep it for a day, why not always?
But you can never keep it alone.
It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere marking of times and seasons, when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man to set his own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time.
But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.
Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellow-men are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness--are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you; to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open--are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world--stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death--and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas.
And if you keep it for a day, why not always?
But you can never keep it alone.
I'm Officially Broken
Well, it's official and I don't know how to feel about it. The government has acknowledged that I am broken and put me on Social Security disability.
It's a very long story, but the gist of it is, the company I worked for had a great disability insurance program that I didn't even realize I was paying into. When the stuff hit the fan, they started paying me a pretty good amount every month. However, they required that I apply for Social Security. I'm not exactly sure of all the ins and outs of it, but the way I understand it, they were loaning me the money that Social Security should be paying me. Now that it's all settled, they get all the back pay and they will continue to pay what Social Security doesn't so I continue to have the same income.
And that's where we're at. My hearing was successful and not I am officially stamped as broken.
How should I feel about this? On the one hand, this is a program I have paid into for 20+ years and the program is set up for just this kind of situation (or retirement), right? So I should be happy that it's there and take full advantage of everything it has to offer, right?
On the other hand, am I sponging off the government? The conservative side of me it telling me to suck it up and be a man and pull myself up by my bootstraps. But I don't wear boots. I can barely walk on some days. So am I taking advantage of a system that already has too many issues and should just take myself off it?
I know there are many that "play the system" and that makes people like me, who legitimately need help look bad. Nobody questions a senior citizen getting a Social Security check, but everyone looks crosseyed at someone under the aged of 65 (or 67 whatever it is now) getting one. Ever watch Judge Judy? She has a virtual parade of people who play the system and are living off Social Security. She often calls them on it. I don't want to be put in the same category as "those" people.
But here I am. 42, walking with a cane, often forgoing time with my wife and kids because my head hurts so bad. Now I'm on Social Security. I'm happy that my kids will be somewhat taken care of this way. But I'm just not thrilled with the whole idea of being officially broken.
It's a very long story, but the gist of it is, the company I worked for had a great disability insurance program that I didn't even realize I was paying into. When the stuff hit the fan, they started paying me a pretty good amount every month. However, they required that I apply for Social Security. I'm not exactly sure of all the ins and outs of it, but the way I understand it, they were loaning me the money that Social Security should be paying me. Now that it's all settled, they get all the back pay and they will continue to pay what Social Security doesn't so I continue to have the same income.
And that's where we're at. My hearing was successful and not I am officially stamped as broken.
How should I feel about this? On the one hand, this is a program I have paid into for 20+ years and the program is set up for just this kind of situation (or retirement), right? So I should be happy that it's there and take full advantage of everything it has to offer, right?
On the other hand, am I sponging off the government? The conservative side of me it telling me to suck it up and be a man and pull myself up by my bootstraps. But I don't wear boots. I can barely walk on some days. So am I taking advantage of a system that already has too many issues and should just take myself off it?
I know there are many that "play the system" and that makes people like me, who legitimately need help look bad. Nobody questions a senior citizen getting a Social Security check, but everyone looks crosseyed at someone under the aged of 65 (or 67 whatever it is now) getting one. Ever watch Judge Judy? She has a virtual parade of people who play the system and are living off Social Security. She often calls them on it. I don't want to be put in the same category as "those" people.
But here I am. 42, walking with a cane, often forgoing time with my wife and kids because my head hurts so bad. Now I'm on Social Security. I'm happy that my kids will be somewhat taken care of this way. But I'm just not thrilled with the whole idea of being officially broken.
Maybe the healing has begun.
I've written a lot about my church on this blog, usually shaking my fist at the Heavens and asking "WHY? WHY? WHY?!!!??" The teachers and leadership at this church just seemed so lost and confused that I am honestly surprised that the doors haven't been shut long before now.
But something has started to happen. The last couple of Sundays that I was able to attend (not concurrent due to my disability) the services has come alive in a way that was severely lacking before. It's as if this body has been holding it's breath and has finally allowed itself to breath again.
I can't really define it. Quantitatively and Qualitatively nothing has changed in the music, the message, or anything in the mechanics of the service. There just seems to be a.... passion, a purpose, a... well, a community that didn't exist just a few short weeks ago.
And for that I am very grateful. I will write more as things unfold and I can make sense of what is going on.
But something has started to happen. The last couple of Sundays that I was able to attend (not concurrent due to my disability) the services has come alive in a way that was severely lacking before. It's as if this body has been holding it's breath and has finally allowed itself to breath again.
I can't really define it. Quantitatively and Qualitatively nothing has changed in the music, the message, or anything in the mechanics of the service. There just seems to be a.... passion, a purpose, a... well, a community that didn't exist just a few short weeks ago.
And for that I am very grateful. I will write more as things unfold and I can make sense of what is going on.
You gotta check this out
Check the site to see where these artists were filmed:
http://www.playingforchange.com/episodes/2/Stand_by_Me
Dealing With Depression - The Reality of the Abyss
On my family blog, I've mentioned depression a few times. I may have mentioned it here too, but in either case, it's been a long time.
I've kind of stopped talking about it because I got tired of helpful advice in getting over it. That, and other health issues have kind of taken the spotlight. The truth is that it's still very much an issue in my life and probably always will be. At the moment, it's something that is under control, but it's something that is there and I have to be aware of it. I have to keep it under control.
As such, I feel compelled to finally just lay this all out here. My experiences, my frustrations, and all that stuff.
A Disclaimer.
I am not a doctor. I am not an expert. All I have to share is my experiences. That being said, I do have a lot of years of experience. I think I've had to deal with depression since before they called it "depression". My parents sent me to a counselor when I was 12 because of it. Since then, I've read a lot, I've talked to a lot of doctors and therapists and councellors, so I know some stuff. But I am not an expert and what I share here shouldn't be taken as "Dr. Allen says so".
What it is and what it ain't.
It's important to understand what depression is and what it isn't. Depression is not sadness. It's not "the blues". Sadness is a normal emotion. God programmed sadness into us as part of our emotional makeup. Sadness is a good thing to feel. When you lose a loved one or hear about a tragic event on TV, sad is the RIGHT thing to feel. Sadness allows you to work out and process what happened, to work through stages that help you put the loss or tragedy into the fabric of your life and then move on. Sad is good. It's a process, and as a process, it's also temporary. Sadness may be a PART of how some people experience depression, but it is not the thing itself.
Depression is also not transitory. It not something you feel for a while, then go do something and feel better, and then go back to being depressed. One of the defining characteristics of depression is that it's THERE. It's like a weight that you are carrying around. You CAN do other things, but the weight is always there.
So what is it? That's not an easy question to answer because different people would describe it in different ways. But many people who suffer with true depression would agree on one thing, it's like someone or something took away all your ability to find joy in anything. You may not feel sad, but you certainly aren't happy. There's nothing that MAKES you happy. Things that used to make you happy seem pointless now. There could come a point where you are just crippled because you don't see a point to doing ANYTHING.
My experience is that it's like this hole. No, bigger than a hole, it's an abyss. Huge, gaping, black. It's this... nothing. I feel nothing, but a big aching impossible to cross nothing. I think this is the kind of depression that people feel when it pushes them to suicide. When it was untreated, my depression was the complete inabilty to feel anything. Not happy, not sad, not mad, nothing. It was impossible to do anything becasue it wasn't even numbness that I felt, it was just... nothing. I think people attempt suicide in an attempt to feel SOMETHING.
Causes and types.
People will disagree with me on what I have to say here. And that's ok. Again, I'm speaking from my experience and what I've learned along the way and not from any sort of training or formal education.
There are many causes of depression, but they all break down into two main categories. Environmental causes and Physiological causes.
Loss, stress, living conditions, the actions of people around you, even geographic location and pollution - these are all potential environmental causes of depression. These things that can affect you physically as well as emotionally to cause you to be depressed. This is what most people, councellors, and others think of when they talk about depression.
Doctors, however, have another definition. While there is no medical test for depression, the theory is that a chemical imbalance in the brain causes things to "misfire". The theory is supported by the fact that in some cases when medication is applied, and no other treatment is used, depression gets better.
The problem is that there is no way to determine whether an individual's depression is caused by environmental causes or physical causes or some combination of the two until they try to do something about it.
There are also two general types. Short term and long term. Left untreated, some people are able to overcome depression by just "riding it out" others seem to be stuck with it. That being said, I feel treatment in every case is NECESSARY! But it's important to recognize that there is a type that people can completely over come with no treatment and never have depression again. I honestly feel that some who claim to have been "healed" of depression without any treatment had this type.
What to do.
If you are reading this and you, or more likely someone you know, is suffering from depression, GET TREATMENT STARTED NOW!
Some of you may be saying. "I'm a Christian, we should let God do it." I'm telling you, as a brother in Christ, don't be an idiot. By all means, call upon your church, pray, rely on God, but GET TREATMENT TOO. God may choose to fully heal you of your depression, He may not. He may be waiting for you to take the first step by consulting someone here on Earth whom He will work through.
Some would say to call a doctor or phsychiatrist immediately. If things are to the point where you are thinking of taking your life, then yes, please, do so. Better yet, don't call, get in the car and go there now. To the emergency room if you have to. Don't wait. Not even to finish reading this. Go. Now.
However, I would strongly suggest starting with a non-medical approach. Partially because it's not healthy to start taking medication that you don't really need, but mostly because the medication is expensive and some can be habit forming.
Get in contact with a counselor. Just someone to talk to who knows about depression. Unlike a phsychiatrist, a counselor cannot prescribe medication and will help you figure out some ways to start recovery without it.
Next, look at your environment. Are you under a lot of stress? Your job? Has something changed lately that may be the cause of your depression? What can you change? I'm not talking about whether you should or shouldn't change, but can you? You might argue that you can't change your job because you need the money or some other reason, but when it comes to your health and well being, what is more important?
If environmental issues don't seem to be the cause, then talk to your doctor. Your doctory might, and probably will, refer you to a phsyciatrist, which is great. Get with them right away. If your depression is from medical causes, then medication DOES help. However, unlike what the pharmaceutical companies would have you beleive, medication should be the last resort and not the end-all be-all. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR, let him/her decide what is best, don't self-diagnose. There are many different medications out there, some might help a little, some a lot. Others might have dangerous side effects. Ignore the commercials! There is no quick fix, so don't expect one. Finding the right medication may take time.
In the meantime, find something you like. Anything. The worst part of depression is that it steals everything from you. Everything. It takes away everything you love. If you can find something, no matter how small, that gives you a little joy, then indulge in it. Ok, not anything. Obviously, there are things that you should avoid, like alcohol and drugs and porn and so on. But if there is something that makes you feel something, then go with it. Especially if it helps you connect with people.
Back in the day, one thing that helped me at the beginning of my therapy was chat rooms. The Internet was still young then and just about the only way to get online was AOL. I discovered chat rooms and spent a lot of time just talking about random stuff with random people. I don't remember getting into any heavy conversations, but at least there were people on the other end of the screen and it helped.
And, as much as I talk about people giving bad advice in church, going to church helped me. Not the bad advice, but for me the act of worship and learning from the sermons helped. In fact, I will go so far as to say that it was a turning point and has made a big difference in everything that followed.
What NOT to do.
This is really what I wanted to talk about. I want to talk some to those who are suffering from depression, and some to those trying to help those who are depressed.
If you are depressed, or think you may be depressed, DO NOT IGNORE IT. It's hard to tell if you are depressed, because it can come upon you so slowly that you don't realize that's what's happened. Listen to those around you. If they think you need help, don't delay. Don't feel like you can do it on your own or that God will fix you. Get help. Now.
If you are depressed, understand that you are not alone, but also know that your depression may not be like others. Some will tell you that they've over come it and you should too. Others will tell you that you might have to deal with it your whole life. That's them. Understand that your experience may or may not be like theirs. You may be able to over come it permanently, you may go through cylces where sometimes you need treatment and other times you don't, or you may have to be on some kind of treatment your whole life. No matter what, it's ok. Don't let anyone tell you how it HAS to be and that something is wrong with you if their experience doesn't match yours.
To those of you who have dealt with depression: Please, please, please do not assume that because you have overcome it that you have somehow figured out The Cure. By all means, share your experiences because you might help someone else, but don't you dare tell someone "well, just do this and this and this and you'll be cured, if not, then you didn't do it right". I am sick to death of podcasts and talk shows and books from people claiming they've got The Answer. "Throw away your pills and read this book", "Go to my church", "Imagine yourself cured" and on and on and on. Maybe one of these will work for you but THEY WON'T WORK FOR EVERYONE ALL THE TIME! DO NOT ASSUME THEY WILL! Also, make sure you know what you're talking about. Don't act like you're an expert on depression when you never really had it. If you were "depressed" but when you stopped working 80 hours a week you felt better, you weren't depressed, you were tired. If you were "depressed" but you stopped eating gluten and felt better, you weren't depressed, you had a food allergy.
To those of you who have never dealt with depression: to help someone you know, learn about it. Whatever you do, don't just tell someone to "get over it" or "think happy thoughts". Positive thinking can improve your mood, but to someone deep in depression, telling them to think happy thoughts is like telling someone who has no arms to do push-ups. It's like telling someone born blind to imagine the color red. Please, please, please whatever you do, don't say "don't worry, be happy". That's just about the most insensitive thing you can do to someone who is really depressed.
Another really bad thing someone can do, and this may be the worst of all: Christians telling other Christians they have no right to be depressed because "real" Christians have "joy" and "victory and Jesus" and have "overcome" and if you're depressed, you must not be a "real" Christian. This is the
worst thing anyone can do to their Christian brother or sister. If someone has said this to you, I am so sorry. Please, don't listen to them. God loves you. Jesus died for you. None of that has changed just because you are depressed. Maybe others have overcome depression with prayer and fully relying on God. Good for them. That doesn't mean that's what God wants of you. Rely on God, of course. Pray, absolutely. But don't feel like you're doing something wrong just because you're depressed. It's very possible your body is sick through no fault of you or your faith. Please, ignore those who tell you otherwise.
My Story.
So maybe it's time to share my story. As I've said, my experiences are just that, and they don't make me an expert, but I do feel they make me knowlegable.
I said before that my parents sent me to a counselor when I was 12. Back then, people didn't talk about depression a lot, at least not as a medical condition. I had written a note to my girlfriend telling her that I wanted to die. I don't really remember writing it, or exactly what it said, but I do remember feeling that way. It's like the moment I mentioned puberty, something changed and I've been dealing with it ever since.
I remember only vaguely visiting this counselor. I think he gave up on me too soon, or he really didn't know what he was doing because it was only a few sessions. Most of the time I just sat through without saying anything.
Hindsight being perfect - or at least clearer, I think what was happening was that puberty had changed something in me that started a process that would eventually lead to full blown medical depression. Through my teenage years, though, it would only take me to "the edge" and environmental factors would push me over the edge from time to time. I don't remember being perpetually depressed, I do remember finding joy at one time or another, but it was a roller coaster.
My early 20s were the same way, but imagine the highs of the roller coaster getting smaller and the dips getting lower. I would be angry and violent without knowing why. My theory now is that the anger was the last thing I was able to feel, so I relished it a little and allowed it to come out a lot.
It was in my late 20s that depression finally, completely, claimed me. I don't remember much about that time. I do remember the hospital after a suicide attempt. I don't remember how long I was there, but it was the first time that someone suggested that there might be medical reasons for feeling the way I did and not just me not dealing with reality very well. I started taking medication.
As I mentioned before, I found a little joy on the Internet, and I started going to church. I credit all three, the meds, connecting with people, and church, with kick starting my recovery. Especially church. I can't pin-point any one thing that I learned or anything like that, there was just something about what was becoming a part of my life because of church.
That was roughly 15 years ago or so. I don't remember precisely. I think that's part of my depression experience is that I can't remember some of these things very well. Some things I remember very well, but the specifics associated with the deepest emotional lows just didn't stick. I was so depressed my memory functions were shut down.
So now I'm taking meds. I was under the care of a phsyciatrist that had taken my case while I was at the hospital. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember that a few weeks into it , it was like a light switch turned on and I was feeling better.
Over the next 5 years and onward I would have times when I felt I had gotten better so I tried to stop taking medication. This is how I found, definitively, that I can't be off the meds. Probably never. Also, with the on/off nature of the meds, my doctor also took the opportunity to try other meds as they became available. Originally, Prozac was just about the only thing out there, but later there was Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and I don't know what else.
Which brings us to the present. I am still taking medication and I'm ok with the fact that I may never be able to be off of them. I am at a point where medication is really all I need and I don't need ongoing therapy. I'm not saying I won't EVER need therapy again, but the whole object of therapy is to give you the tools to deal with things on your own and I feel that right now I am good in that department.
Over the years I've heard it all. I had a good, well meaning, friend tell me he had overcome depression with "happy thoughts". I've had so many people in the church tell me that I didn't have a medical problem, I had a spiritual one. Now, I'm not denying that there may be a spiritual element to depression, but to assume that I was demon-posessed and therefore not a true Christian and really needed to be re-baptized - that just about turned me off the church forever. But I just learned to accept it - or at least bite my tongue - as the words of someone who really didn't understand.
Is my experience like yours? Probably not. And that doesn't make mine right and yours wrong and vice versa. It took me a while to learn that.
For a while I worked at a bookstore and had the opportunity to read many books on depression and the "right" way to overcome it. At first, I got angry, because none of them seemed to be describing the kind of depression I had. And most of them started with the advice to "throw away your pills". I'm not saying they were wrong, I just had to learn that they were coming from a different experience than mine. Which also made me angry because so many people would pick up these books thinking they were getting top-shelf advice and would instead be getting, for them, bad advice.
Also, I am tired of people telling me that The Bible has all the advice for overcoming depression. Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe the Bible. I believe it's the word of God. I do beleive it has much to teach us about life. However, what I have issue with is people reading into it what is not really there. When talking about depression, I think there are things to learn from the stories in the Bible, but I don't think there are cures. Some will say "look!" here's Job. He was depressed, and he got over it! Look! here's King David! His baby died and he was depressed and he got over it. And so on. There are good lessons to be learned from those stories, but I don't think the point of those lessons is overcoming depression. Again, I don't find any examples of depression in the Bible that match what my experience with it.
My sincere feeling is that God gave us doctors and he gave them wisdom and knowlege. Consult the Bible, sure, but go see your doctor.
--
If you or someone you know is having feelings or depression or suicide, get help now. This is not something you should listen to the advice of anyone else, not even me, except that you should go see a counselor or a doctor. Now. Don't expect a fast cure. Trust those who sincerely want to help you, but don't depend on their advice. Trust your own instincts and when something works, don't second guess it, just accept it and feel better.
I've kind of stopped talking about it because I got tired of helpful advice in getting over it. That, and other health issues have kind of taken the spotlight. The truth is that it's still very much an issue in my life and probably always will be. At the moment, it's something that is under control, but it's something that is there and I have to be aware of it. I have to keep it under control.
As such, I feel compelled to finally just lay this all out here. My experiences, my frustrations, and all that stuff.
A Disclaimer.
I am not a doctor. I am not an expert. All I have to share is my experiences. That being said, I do have a lot of years of experience. I think I've had to deal with depression since before they called it "depression". My parents sent me to a counselor when I was 12 because of it. Since then, I've read a lot, I've talked to a lot of doctors and therapists and councellors, so I know some stuff. But I am not an expert and what I share here shouldn't be taken as "Dr. Allen says so".
What it is and what it ain't.
It's important to understand what depression is and what it isn't. Depression is not sadness. It's not "the blues". Sadness is a normal emotion. God programmed sadness into us as part of our emotional makeup. Sadness is a good thing to feel. When you lose a loved one or hear about a tragic event on TV, sad is the RIGHT thing to feel. Sadness allows you to work out and process what happened, to work through stages that help you put the loss or tragedy into the fabric of your life and then move on. Sad is good. It's a process, and as a process, it's also temporary. Sadness may be a PART of how some people experience depression, but it is not the thing itself.
Depression is also not transitory. It not something you feel for a while, then go do something and feel better, and then go back to being depressed. One of the defining characteristics of depression is that it's THERE. It's like a weight that you are carrying around. You CAN do other things, but the weight is always there.
So what is it? That's not an easy question to answer because different people would describe it in different ways. But many people who suffer with true depression would agree on one thing, it's like someone or something took away all your ability to find joy in anything. You may not feel sad, but you certainly aren't happy. There's nothing that MAKES you happy. Things that used to make you happy seem pointless now. There could come a point where you are just crippled because you don't see a point to doing ANYTHING.
My experience is that it's like this hole. No, bigger than a hole, it's an abyss. Huge, gaping, black. It's this... nothing. I feel nothing, but a big aching impossible to cross nothing. I think this is the kind of depression that people feel when it pushes them to suicide. When it was untreated, my depression was the complete inabilty to feel anything. Not happy, not sad, not mad, nothing. It was impossible to do anything becasue it wasn't even numbness that I felt, it was just... nothing. I think people attempt suicide in an attempt to feel SOMETHING.
Causes and types.
People will disagree with me on what I have to say here. And that's ok. Again, I'm speaking from my experience and what I've learned along the way and not from any sort of training or formal education.
There are many causes of depression, but they all break down into two main categories. Environmental causes and Physiological causes.
Loss, stress, living conditions, the actions of people around you, even geographic location and pollution - these are all potential environmental causes of depression. These things that can affect you physically as well as emotionally to cause you to be depressed. This is what most people, councellors, and others think of when they talk about depression.
Doctors, however, have another definition. While there is no medical test for depression, the theory is that a chemical imbalance in the brain causes things to "misfire". The theory is supported by the fact that in some cases when medication is applied, and no other treatment is used, depression gets better.
The problem is that there is no way to determine whether an individual's depression is caused by environmental causes or physical causes or some combination of the two until they try to do something about it.
There are also two general types. Short term and long term. Left untreated, some people are able to overcome depression by just "riding it out" others seem to be stuck with it. That being said, I feel treatment in every case is NECESSARY! But it's important to recognize that there is a type that people can completely over come with no treatment and never have depression again. I honestly feel that some who claim to have been "healed" of depression without any treatment had this type.
What to do.
If you are reading this and you, or more likely someone you know, is suffering from depression, GET TREATMENT STARTED NOW!
Some of you may be saying. "I'm a Christian, we should let God do it." I'm telling you, as a brother in Christ, don't be an idiot. By all means, call upon your church, pray, rely on God, but GET TREATMENT TOO. God may choose to fully heal you of your depression, He may not. He may be waiting for you to take the first step by consulting someone here on Earth whom He will work through.
Some would say to call a doctor or phsychiatrist immediately. If things are to the point where you are thinking of taking your life, then yes, please, do so. Better yet, don't call, get in the car and go there now. To the emergency room if you have to. Don't wait. Not even to finish reading this. Go. Now.
However, I would strongly suggest starting with a non-medical approach. Partially because it's not healthy to start taking medication that you don't really need, but mostly because the medication is expensive and some can be habit forming.
Get in contact with a counselor. Just someone to talk to who knows about depression. Unlike a phsychiatrist, a counselor cannot prescribe medication and will help you figure out some ways to start recovery without it.
Next, look at your environment. Are you under a lot of stress? Your job? Has something changed lately that may be the cause of your depression? What can you change? I'm not talking about whether you should or shouldn't change, but can you? You might argue that you can't change your job because you need the money or some other reason, but when it comes to your health and well being, what is more important?
If environmental issues don't seem to be the cause, then talk to your doctor. Your doctory might, and probably will, refer you to a phsyciatrist, which is great. Get with them right away. If your depression is from medical causes, then medication DOES help. However, unlike what the pharmaceutical companies would have you beleive, medication should be the last resort and not the end-all be-all. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR, let him/her decide what is best, don't self-diagnose. There are many different medications out there, some might help a little, some a lot. Others might have dangerous side effects. Ignore the commercials! There is no quick fix, so don't expect one. Finding the right medication may take time.
In the meantime, find something you like. Anything. The worst part of depression is that it steals everything from you. Everything. It takes away everything you love. If you can find something, no matter how small, that gives you a little joy, then indulge in it. Ok, not anything. Obviously, there are things that you should avoid, like alcohol and drugs and porn and so on. But if there is something that makes you feel something, then go with it. Especially if it helps you connect with people.
Back in the day, one thing that helped me at the beginning of my therapy was chat rooms. The Internet was still young then and just about the only way to get online was AOL. I discovered chat rooms and spent a lot of time just talking about random stuff with random people. I don't remember getting into any heavy conversations, but at least there were people on the other end of the screen and it helped.
And, as much as I talk about people giving bad advice in church, going to church helped me. Not the bad advice, but for me the act of worship and learning from the sermons helped. In fact, I will go so far as to say that it was a turning point and has made a big difference in everything that followed.
What NOT to do.
This is really what I wanted to talk about. I want to talk some to those who are suffering from depression, and some to those trying to help those who are depressed.
If you are depressed, or think you may be depressed, DO NOT IGNORE IT. It's hard to tell if you are depressed, because it can come upon you so slowly that you don't realize that's what's happened. Listen to those around you. If they think you need help, don't delay. Don't feel like you can do it on your own or that God will fix you. Get help. Now.
If you are depressed, understand that you are not alone, but also know that your depression may not be like others. Some will tell you that they've over come it and you should too. Others will tell you that you might have to deal with it your whole life. That's them. Understand that your experience may or may not be like theirs. You may be able to over come it permanently, you may go through cylces where sometimes you need treatment and other times you don't, or you may have to be on some kind of treatment your whole life. No matter what, it's ok. Don't let anyone tell you how it HAS to be and that something is wrong with you if their experience doesn't match yours.
To those of you who have dealt with depression: Please, please, please do not assume that because you have overcome it that you have somehow figured out The Cure. By all means, share your experiences because you might help someone else, but don't you dare tell someone "well, just do this and this and this and you'll be cured, if not, then you didn't do it right". I am sick to death of podcasts and talk shows and books from people claiming they've got The Answer. "Throw away your pills and read this book", "Go to my church", "Imagine yourself cured" and on and on and on. Maybe one of these will work for you but THEY WON'T WORK FOR EVERYONE ALL THE TIME! DO NOT ASSUME THEY WILL! Also, make sure you know what you're talking about. Don't act like you're an expert on depression when you never really had it. If you were "depressed" but when you stopped working 80 hours a week you felt better, you weren't depressed, you were tired. If you were "depressed" but you stopped eating gluten and felt better, you weren't depressed, you had a food allergy.
To those of you who have never dealt with depression: to help someone you know, learn about it. Whatever you do, don't just tell someone to "get over it" or "think happy thoughts". Positive thinking can improve your mood, but to someone deep in depression, telling them to think happy thoughts is like telling someone who has no arms to do push-ups. It's like telling someone born blind to imagine the color red. Please, please, please whatever you do, don't say "don't worry, be happy". That's just about the most insensitive thing you can do to someone who is really depressed.
Another really bad thing someone can do, and this may be the worst of all: Christians telling other Christians they have no right to be depressed because "real" Christians have "joy" and "victory and Jesus" and have "overcome" and if you're depressed, you must not be a "real" Christian. This is the
worst thing anyone can do to their Christian brother or sister. If someone has said this to you, I am so sorry. Please, don't listen to them. God loves you. Jesus died for you. None of that has changed just because you are depressed. Maybe others have overcome depression with prayer and fully relying on God. Good for them. That doesn't mean that's what God wants of you. Rely on God, of course. Pray, absolutely. But don't feel like you're doing something wrong just because you're depressed. It's very possible your body is sick through no fault of you or your faith. Please, ignore those who tell you otherwise.
My Story.
So maybe it's time to share my story. As I've said, my experiences are just that, and they don't make me an expert, but I do feel they make me knowlegable.
I said before that my parents sent me to a counselor when I was 12. Back then, people didn't talk about depression a lot, at least not as a medical condition. I had written a note to my girlfriend telling her that I wanted to die. I don't really remember writing it, or exactly what it said, but I do remember feeling that way. It's like the moment I mentioned puberty, something changed and I've been dealing with it ever since.
I remember only vaguely visiting this counselor. I think he gave up on me too soon, or he really didn't know what he was doing because it was only a few sessions. Most of the time I just sat through without saying anything.
Hindsight being perfect - or at least clearer, I think what was happening was that puberty had changed something in me that started a process that would eventually lead to full blown medical depression. Through my teenage years, though, it would only take me to "the edge" and environmental factors would push me over the edge from time to time. I don't remember being perpetually depressed, I do remember finding joy at one time or another, but it was a roller coaster.
My early 20s were the same way, but imagine the highs of the roller coaster getting smaller and the dips getting lower. I would be angry and violent without knowing why. My theory now is that the anger was the last thing I was able to feel, so I relished it a little and allowed it to come out a lot.
It was in my late 20s that depression finally, completely, claimed me. I don't remember much about that time. I do remember the hospital after a suicide attempt. I don't remember how long I was there, but it was the first time that someone suggested that there might be medical reasons for feeling the way I did and not just me not dealing with reality very well. I started taking medication.
As I mentioned before, I found a little joy on the Internet, and I started going to church. I credit all three, the meds, connecting with people, and church, with kick starting my recovery. Especially church. I can't pin-point any one thing that I learned or anything like that, there was just something about what was becoming a part of my life because of church.
That was roughly 15 years ago or so. I don't remember precisely. I think that's part of my depression experience is that I can't remember some of these things very well. Some things I remember very well, but the specifics associated with the deepest emotional lows just didn't stick. I was so depressed my memory functions were shut down.
So now I'm taking meds. I was under the care of a phsyciatrist that had taken my case while I was at the hospital. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember that a few weeks into it , it was like a light switch turned on and I was feeling better.
Over the next 5 years and onward I would have times when I felt I had gotten better so I tried to stop taking medication. This is how I found, definitively, that I can't be off the meds. Probably never. Also, with the on/off nature of the meds, my doctor also took the opportunity to try other meds as they became available. Originally, Prozac was just about the only thing out there, but later there was Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and I don't know what else.
Which brings us to the present. I am still taking medication and I'm ok with the fact that I may never be able to be off of them. I am at a point where medication is really all I need and I don't need ongoing therapy. I'm not saying I won't EVER need therapy again, but the whole object of therapy is to give you the tools to deal with things on your own and I feel that right now I am good in that department.
Over the years I've heard it all. I had a good, well meaning, friend tell me he had overcome depression with "happy thoughts". I've had so many people in the church tell me that I didn't have a medical problem, I had a spiritual one. Now, I'm not denying that there may be a spiritual element to depression, but to assume that I was demon-posessed and therefore not a true Christian and really needed to be re-baptized - that just about turned me off the church forever. But I just learned to accept it - or at least bite my tongue - as the words of someone who really didn't understand.
Is my experience like yours? Probably not. And that doesn't make mine right and yours wrong and vice versa. It took me a while to learn that.
For a while I worked at a bookstore and had the opportunity to read many books on depression and the "right" way to overcome it. At first, I got angry, because none of them seemed to be describing the kind of depression I had. And most of them started with the advice to "throw away your pills". I'm not saying they were wrong, I just had to learn that they were coming from a different experience than mine. Which also made me angry because so many people would pick up these books thinking they were getting top-shelf advice and would instead be getting, for them, bad advice.
Also, I am tired of people telling me that The Bible has all the advice for overcoming depression. Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe the Bible. I believe it's the word of God. I do beleive it has much to teach us about life. However, what I have issue with is people reading into it what is not really there. When talking about depression, I think there are things to learn from the stories in the Bible, but I don't think there are cures. Some will say "look!" here's Job. He was depressed, and he got over it! Look! here's King David! His baby died and he was depressed and he got over it. And so on. There are good lessons to be learned from those stories, but I don't think the point of those lessons is overcoming depression. Again, I don't find any examples of depression in the Bible that match what my experience with it.
My sincere feeling is that God gave us doctors and he gave them wisdom and knowlege. Consult the Bible, sure, but go see your doctor.
--
If you or someone you know is having feelings or depression or suicide, get help now. This is not something you should listen to the advice of anyone else, not even me, except that you should go see a counselor or a doctor. Now. Don't expect a fast cure. Trust those who sincerely want to help you, but don't depend on their advice. Trust your own instincts and when something works, don't second guess it, just accept it and feel better.
Goodbye, friend
I found out that an old friend of mine passed away last night. I hadn't spoken to him since we moved from Denver, but the news is affecting me in a way I hadn't expected.
When I knew him, Milt was the lead guitar player in the church's praise team. I don't really know how old he was, but I know he had grand kids. He was a large fellow, and at first glance you might assume that he wasn't doing so good, but put a guitar in his hands and he came to life in a way that you wouldn't believe.
I got to know him in a personal way through our men's group. We were working our way through the Bible in a year. In the end, it actually took three because we enjoyed each other's company and spent much more time sharing each other's burdens than studying.
Milt once said something that I will never forget. I don't remember exactly what we were talking bout, maybe we were talking about death and mortality, I don't know. But Milt said "I want to be so close to Jesus that there is no difference between closing my eyes on earth and opening them in Heaven."
I don't know if he reached that point, but I hope so.
Goodbye, Milt. I didn't realize how much I missed you, friend. I'll see you again someday.
When I knew him, Milt was the lead guitar player in the church's praise team. I don't really know how old he was, but I know he had grand kids. He was a large fellow, and at first glance you might assume that he wasn't doing so good, but put a guitar in his hands and he came to life in a way that you wouldn't believe.
I got to know him in a personal way through our men's group. We were working our way through the Bible in a year. In the end, it actually took three because we enjoyed each other's company and spent much more time sharing each other's burdens than studying.
Milt once said something that I will never forget. I don't remember exactly what we were talking bout, maybe we were talking about death and mortality, I don't know. But Milt said "I want to be so close to Jesus that there is no difference between closing my eyes on earth and opening them in Heaven."
I don't know if he reached that point, but I hope so.
Goodbye, Milt. I didn't realize how much I missed you, friend. I'll see you again someday.
Maundy Thursday thoughts
When I was a teenager my family belonged to the only church in town, the United Methodist church. The Methodist church, at least the one in our little town, was big on ceremonies. Holy week was big. We did the whole Palm Sunday thing, we had a Wednesday service, a Thursday service, we had a BIG Good Friday service, the church was open all day and night on Saturday for prayer and of course Easter we had to bring in extra chairs for everyone in town.
Part of what we did, I have never seen in any other church I have been a part of. That was a Maundy Thursday service. (Some might call it "Holy Thursday" or something similar.) The gist of it is that if Christ was crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday, then Thursday night must have been The Last Supper. Also, later in the night was when he was betrayed with a kiss and arrested.
The idea is that you attend the Thursday, Friday and Sunday services you would get the full "experience" of the resurrection.
Our church was not big on Communion, or The Lord's Supper, as some call it. We did it like 3 times a year, if even, and even then it was an afterthought. Something "plugged in" to the service and not the center of it.
Not so with Holy Week. We had Communion three times that week.
On Thursday night we'd have a very celebratory service. We'd sing great joyous hymns, often with guest musicians on guitar or whatever. We'd do communion as a big family thing, everyone holding their bread and juice until everyone had some and we'd talk together and pray together ... it was great.
Then we'd have a Friday service. This was very solemn. Sad. The church would be dark, except for the lights on the "stage". We'd sing sad hymns about the crucifixion. The only one allowed to talk was the pastor. We'd have Communion again, however, this time instead of juice, we'd have red wine vinegar. In the dark. In the silence. We'd leave the building in absolute silence.
Sunday was a bigger celebration. The biggest. Service would start at sunrise and often ran 3 hours or so. The front of the church was covered in lilies. Whoever built the church planned it so that mornings in the spring the sunlight would stream through the stained glass window on the east side, depicting the risen Christ near the empty tomb. The songs were glorious and loud. Everyone in the small town came to church on Easter. Every pew was filled, extra chairs were brought in, and often people stood around the edges.
That's how I remember it now, anyway. At the time I was probably bored. Going through the motions. I've been a part of a few churches since then, but somehow that set of Holy Week services at my hometown church still seems more meaningful to me than any other.
I wish the church I am part of now could somehow catch the "fever" for the season that that small town church had.
Part of what we did, I have never seen in any other church I have been a part of. That was a Maundy Thursday service. (Some might call it "Holy Thursday" or something similar.) The gist of it is that if Christ was crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday, then Thursday night must have been The Last Supper. Also, later in the night was when he was betrayed with a kiss and arrested.
The idea is that you attend the Thursday, Friday and Sunday services you would get the full "experience" of the resurrection.
Our church was not big on Communion, or The Lord's Supper, as some call it. We did it like 3 times a year, if even, and even then it was an afterthought. Something "plugged in" to the service and not the center of it.
Not so with Holy Week. We had Communion three times that week.
On Thursday night we'd have a very celebratory service. We'd sing great joyous hymns, often with guest musicians on guitar or whatever. We'd do communion as a big family thing, everyone holding their bread and juice until everyone had some and we'd talk together and pray together ... it was great.
Then we'd have a Friday service. This was very solemn. Sad. The church would be dark, except for the lights on the "stage". We'd sing sad hymns about the crucifixion. The only one allowed to talk was the pastor. We'd have Communion again, however, this time instead of juice, we'd have red wine vinegar. In the dark. In the silence. We'd leave the building in absolute silence.
Sunday was a bigger celebration. The biggest. Service would start at sunrise and often ran 3 hours or so. The front of the church was covered in lilies. Whoever built the church planned it so that mornings in the spring the sunlight would stream through the stained glass window on the east side, depicting the risen Christ near the empty tomb. The songs were glorious and loud. Everyone in the small town came to church on Easter. Every pew was filled, extra chairs were brought in, and often people stood around the edges.
That's how I remember it now, anyway. At the time I was probably bored. Going through the motions. I've been a part of a few churches since then, but somehow that set of Holy Week services at my hometown church still seems more meaningful to me than any other.
I wish the church I am part of now could somehow catch the "fever" for the season that that small town church had.
Thoughts on "Palm Sunday"
'A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted,
"Hosanna to the Son of David!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Hosanna in the highest!"
When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, "Who is this?"
The crowds answered, "This is Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee."'
- Matthew 21:8-11
"Hosanna to the Son of David!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Hosanna in the highest!"
When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, "Who is this?"
The crowds answered, "This is Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee."'
- Matthew 21:8-11
We didn't make it to church this morning. Actually, I haven't made it to church in more than two months, but the rest of the family didn't make it. I kind of feel guilty about that. My issues with this church shouldn't be my family's issues. However, I think everyone is starting to have their own issues apart from what mine are.
The thing I'm having problems with lately is separating my faith from fellowship. It's been kind of drilled into me that fellowship is utmost, that you're not a "real Christian" if you aren't at the church every time the doors are unlocked. I know this isn't true, but it's what's been drilled into me. It wouldn't be an issue if this fellowship were a group that TRULY cared for each other and didn't feel COMPELLED to care.
I've honestly found truer fellowship on Facebook, and some that I communicate with are not Christians at all.
But I digress.
I couldn't let this day pass without acknowledging that this is the start of what many call "Holy Week", the countdown to the day we celebrate the Resurrection and all that it represents.
Tradition tell us that a week before He rose from the dead, Christ made what is known as the "Triumphal Entry". Matthew describes it in the passage I cited above. Some of people who shouted "Hosanna!" on Sunday may have been shouting "Crucify him!" on Friday. Jesus knew what it was like to have "fair weather friends".
But He died for their sins anyway.
It's hard to imagine that extreme. I'm not a social person by any means. But I care deeply for people in general. I like to think that I'm the kind of person in a hostage situation that would say "take me, let them go". That if someone needed a kidney and I was a match I'd give it, even to a stranger - especially to a stranger. But I haven't been tested on that. It's easy to SAY I would, it's another to DO it.
But Christ WAS like that. He had the ability to call a legion of angels, but he allowed Himself to be nailed to a cross. He died for those that killed him.
If I have been a "fair weather friend" to any of you who may read this. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like that. Some of you may not be Christians, and that's ok. I'm not going to preach at you. But you deserve to have me be the kind of friend that Christ is. You deserve a friend that will give and not think he deserves something in return. If I haven't been that kind of friend, I'm sorry. I hope you will give me the opportunity to be that way again.
Oops, forgot one.
I forgot one of my favs in my last post.
The Guild
This web series is about gamers, specifically MMORPG players. If you know what an MMORPG is, then you'll get it. The humor is a little crude at times, but overall it's hilarious.
Season 1 - Episode 1: Wake-Up Call
The Guild
This web series is about gamers, specifically MMORPG players. If you know what an MMORPG is, then you'll get it. The humor is a little crude at times, but overall it's hilarious.
Season 1 - Episode 1: Wake-Up Call
Cool things I've found on the Internet
I may have done a list like this before, but I'm too lazy to look. I'm not going to make a list of things everyone thinks is cool, rather I want to share things that aren't so obvious that I use almost every day. Most are free, but all are really good.
Hulu
Thanks to some well placed TV ads, Hulu is becoming much more popular. A service of NBC and Fox, this service allows you to watch recent episodes of your favorite shows as well as some older ones. But I recommend it not for TV shows, but rather for the movies. Uncut and with only a few breaks, they offer a good collection of recent and classic films. There's always around a hundred or so available. However, the collection changes all the time, so if you find something good you better watch it before they take it off.
Gimp
It's not Photoshop, but it's pretty close and it's free. This image editor gives you the ability to do some amazing things with your photos. I've been using it to tweak, retouch and radically modify the photos in my collection for weeks. There are many forums out there to help you get started and then later do some of the more advanced stuff. It's open source so it's always improving and new plug-ins are being added all the time. If you have a digital camera and you want to turn you snapshots into some more professional/artistic photos, you need this. (Unless you can afford Photoshop!)
Beemp3
Piracy is illegal. Thou shalt not steal. I do not advocate stealing music. At all. Ever. If you like a song, buy it. If you like an artist, support them. Period.
However, if, like me, you have already spent a fortune on a music collection and, for whatever reason, are unable to digitize it yourself, then I do not see an issue with going out and collecting the digital versions of what you already own. (Just my opinion, I am in no way advocating my morality over yours.) In my case, much of mine is on cassette. I am able to plug a boombox into the computer and dub them over, but that is an extremely painstaking procedure and my ever diminishing mobility is making it increasingly difficult. With this site I can search by artist or title and it searches other sites to find it.
So, use this at your discretion, but do not steal.
Star Trek Remastered
The powers that be have decided to go back and fix scenery and effects in Star Trek, the original series. Using digital processes, the antique looking dials and panels have been updated to make them look more futuristic by today's standards. Not all episodes are available yet, but you can watch the ones that are online. Free.
Star Wars Revelations
A lot of fan films - amatuer spin offs - are really bad. Really, really bad. It seems anyone with a video camera and a computer thinks they can make movies. However, this one is different. The acting is not quite Hollywood, but the script is good, the effects are outstanding, and the whole project is well made. Taking place right before the events in the original Star Wars movie (Episode 4), this film is about an hour long and is totally free to download and share. If you're a Star Wars geek, you've got to check it out.
Wal~Mart Photo Online
I was really reluctant to try this one. There are so many sites on the Internet these days that let you share your photos. However, Wal~mart has something Photobucket doesn't - my family uses it. I can upload all the pictures of the grandkids and the grandmas can go to the site, pick the pictures they want, and have them printed at their local Wal~Mart and pick them up next time they go shopping. No shipping charges. Cool.
The Literature Network
Reading a book online is not quite as satisfying as having the real thing in your hands. There's just something about the "realness" of a book that computers can't compete with. That being said, this site is really good. Thousands of great works are now in the public domain. That means no one owns them any more and they can be freely shared without having to pay a publisher. This site brings as many as possible together in a format that is readable, searchable, and easy to use. Still not the same as paper and ink, but if you're a book geek, you should check it out.
Netflix.com
This one's probably the only one on my list that isn't free. But it's worth it. Rent movies through the mail, no late fees. Plus you can watch them online. Obviously not all movies are available online, but there are many that are. Commercial free and some in HD (if your Internet speed allows it). There's a ton of old TV shows too. Unfortunately it's only on Windows and Mac. New movies every month.
Picasa
This is one of Google's babies. This is a great way to sort and organize your photo collection. You can so some basic editing and tweaking too. If you use Blogger, you can also upload your pics direct to your blog.
Windows Movie Maker
I know that Macs do an awesome job with pictures and movies. Way better than Windows. But I don't have a Mac, I have Vista. I have yet to find a movie editor with the same drag and drop ease of use that Movie Maker has. It's not professional level movie making, but it's a great way to edit your home movies and write them to DVD.
Digsby
I am really hoping the developers on this one will follow through with their promise to release this for Linux (don't know if it's available for Mac either). This is a nifty little social networking tool. It brings together your MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, email, gmail, and I don't know what else. It places icons in your system tray (down by the clock) and lets you know when you get an email, a Facebook update, a Tweet, all that fun stuff. You can have multiple notifiers for the same service if you have multiple accounts.
Media-Convert
This one's not a download, but a web based tool. Convert any digital media to another format. Just about any other format you could want. Sure, you're uploading it and then downloading it and putting your file on someone else's computer. But it works, really well.
Photo Story
Another Windows only deal. This one makes slide shows from your photos, adding music and everything. With some patience, you also make some great effects with panning and zooming. It also produces custom music for your slides!
Audacity
I mentioned earlier that I can plug a boombox into my computer to make mp3s. This is the program I use. Mix, cut, edit, add effects, all kinds of fun stuff. If you need an audio editor, there aren't any better.
Sky Drive
Yes, it's another Microsoft thing, but guess what? Sometimes their stuff is actually useful. This one is free online storage. 25 gig worth. Not exactly a back up, but a good place to keep things you don't want to lose. Photos, music files, documents, everything. Files are limited to 50 MB each, so you can't upload that movie you pirated. You can also choose which people to share them with if you choose to do so.
IrfanView
A quick and dirty photo tool. Not an editor, but you can do some tweaks. I find this most useful for cropping and resizing. Small, fast, and able to do batches.
----
What things have you found that you use all the time?
Hulu
Thanks to some well placed TV ads, Hulu is becoming much more popular. A service of NBC and Fox, this service allows you to watch recent episodes of your favorite shows as well as some older ones. But I recommend it not for TV shows, but rather for the movies. Uncut and with only a few breaks, they offer a good collection of recent and classic films. There's always around a hundred or so available. However, the collection changes all the time, so if you find something good you better watch it before they take it off.
Gimp
It's not Photoshop, but it's pretty close and it's free. This image editor gives you the ability to do some amazing things with your photos. I've been using it to tweak, retouch and radically modify the photos in my collection for weeks. There are many forums out there to help you get started and then later do some of the more advanced stuff. It's open source so it's always improving and new plug-ins are being added all the time. If you have a digital camera and you want to turn you snapshots into some more professional/artistic photos, you need this. (Unless you can afford Photoshop!)
Beemp3
Piracy is illegal. Thou shalt not steal. I do not advocate stealing music. At all. Ever. If you like a song, buy it. If you like an artist, support them. Period.
However, if, like me, you have already spent a fortune on a music collection and, for whatever reason, are unable to digitize it yourself, then I do not see an issue with going out and collecting the digital versions of what you already own. (Just my opinion, I am in no way advocating my morality over yours.) In my case, much of mine is on cassette. I am able to plug a boombox into the computer and dub them over, but that is an extremely painstaking procedure and my ever diminishing mobility is making it increasingly difficult. With this site I can search by artist or title and it searches other sites to find it.
So, use this at your discretion, but do not steal.
Star Trek Remastered
The powers that be have decided to go back and fix scenery and effects in Star Trek, the original series. Using digital processes, the antique looking dials and panels have been updated to make them look more futuristic by today's standards. Not all episodes are available yet, but you can watch the ones that are online. Free.
Star Wars Revelations
A lot of fan films - amatuer spin offs - are really bad. Really, really bad. It seems anyone with a video camera and a computer thinks they can make movies. However, this one is different. The acting is not quite Hollywood, but the script is good, the effects are outstanding, and the whole project is well made. Taking place right before the events in the original Star Wars movie (Episode 4), this film is about an hour long and is totally free to download and share. If you're a Star Wars geek, you've got to check it out.
Wal~Mart Photo Online
I was really reluctant to try this one. There are so many sites on the Internet these days that let you share your photos. However, Wal~mart has something Photobucket doesn't - my family uses it. I can upload all the pictures of the grandkids and the grandmas can go to the site, pick the pictures they want, and have them printed at their local Wal~Mart and pick them up next time they go shopping. No shipping charges. Cool.
The Literature Network
Reading a book online is not quite as satisfying as having the real thing in your hands. There's just something about the "realness" of a book that computers can't compete with. That being said, this site is really good. Thousands of great works are now in the public domain. That means no one owns them any more and they can be freely shared without having to pay a publisher. This site brings as many as possible together in a format that is readable, searchable, and easy to use. Still not the same as paper and ink, but if you're a book geek, you should check it out.
Netflix.com
This one's probably the only one on my list that isn't free. But it's worth it. Rent movies through the mail, no late fees. Plus you can watch them online. Obviously not all movies are available online, but there are many that are. Commercial free and some in HD (if your Internet speed allows it). There's a ton of old TV shows too. Unfortunately it's only on Windows and Mac. New movies every month.
Picasa
This is one of Google's babies. This is a great way to sort and organize your photo collection. You can so some basic editing and tweaking too. If you use Blogger, you can also upload your pics direct to your blog.
Windows Movie Maker
I know that Macs do an awesome job with pictures and movies. Way better than Windows. But I don't have a Mac, I have Vista. I have yet to find a movie editor with the same drag and drop ease of use that Movie Maker has. It's not professional level movie making, but it's a great way to edit your home movies and write them to DVD.
Digsby
I am really hoping the developers on this one will follow through with their promise to release this for Linux (don't know if it's available for Mac either). This is a nifty little social networking tool. It brings together your MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, email, gmail, and I don't know what else. It places icons in your system tray (down by the clock) and lets you know when you get an email, a Facebook update, a Tweet, all that fun stuff. You can have multiple notifiers for the same service if you have multiple accounts.
Media-Convert
This one's not a download, but a web based tool. Convert any digital media to another format. Just about any other format you could want. Sure, you're uploading it and then downloading it and putting your file on someone else's computer. But it works, really well.
Photo Story
Another Windows only deal. This one makes slide shows from your photos, adding music and everything. With some patience, you also make some great effects with panning and zooming. It also produces custom music for your slides!
Audacity
I mentioned earlier that I can plug a boombox into my computer to make mp3s. This is the program I use. Mix, cut, edit, add effects, all kinds of fun stuff. If you need an audio editor, there aren't any better.
Sky Drive
Yes, it's another Microsoft thing, but guess what? Sometimes their stuff is actually useful. This one is free online storage. 25 gig worth. Not exactly a back up, but a good place to keep things you don't want to lose. Photos, music files, documents, everything. Files are limited to 50 MB each, so you can't upload that movie you pirated. You can also choose which people to share them with if you choose to do so.
IrfanView
A quick and dirty photo tool. Not an editor, but you can do some tweaks. I find this most useful for cropping and resizing. Small, fast, and able to do batches.
----
What things have you found that you use all the time?
Appreciation for an old classic
by Duane "Allen" Andersen, Jr.
Push play. If you don't recognize that call, you're either deaf or dead.
Tarzan. At least, that's how the movie makers at MGM made him sound in 1932.
Originally published in a pulp magazine, the name, and the various versions of the Tarzan story are now a part of our Americana. But how many people know the original story of the ape man?
I discovered, through one of my favorite podcasts, The Classic Tales, the original story of Tarzan as written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1912. Recorded in 7 parts, similar to the serial format pulp magazines employed at the time of it's original publication, this pay-per-podcast audio book production is really well done and proved more than worth the $5.50 I spent on it. (Accidentally - I was reviewing the site and I clicked on the PayPal button to see what was involved, only to find that I was logged into PayPal and the transaction went right through!)
"The movie isn't as good as the book" was never more true than for Tarzan. Grant
ed, Mr. Burroughs was writing for a pulp fiction audience and his story lacks the depth and detail of a novel, but nonetheless he spun a great tale that deserves it's place in American literature; a tale that is not only great fun, but brings up questions of ethics, social status, and the true nature of the animal we call "human" and who really deserves that title.
If you haven't read it, or listened to an audio version, the book is available to read online in it's entirety. The audio version I have is available at the link above. Keep in mind that the story was written at a time when racial attitudes were sadly very different then they are today, and worse it was written about a time when slavery was still a reality. However the mature reader will recognize that the author is simply reflecting the world he lived in. If you share it with your children you will want to be able to answer questions that will come up.
If you are a bibliophile, you'll definitely want to give it a read.
OK, so that's my book review... really only meant it as background, but that's how it came out... let me be analytical now, from here on there may be spoilers....
There are some in the Christian community that believe Christians should only read "Christian literature". By this they mean only works one would find at a, well, Christian store or in the Christian section of a bookstore. If you enjoy fiction you choice is limited. (There are some really excellent writers out there, like Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti, but you have to sift through tons of really mediocre writing to find any others.) Worse, there are so-called teachers out there that say you should only read the Bible - and their books that tell you what it says, of course.
Sadly, these folks are really missing out. Worse, they are putting themselves in situation that further propagates secular media's stereotype of the "uneducated religious" that they are so fond of making fun of in shows such as "Law and Order". God doesn't want us to be stupid.
Since Tarzan holds such a place of notoriety in the pantheon of Americana, it shouldn't be ignored. Yes, it's about a naked man living in the jungles of Africa, and, yes, there are some very violent scenes (especially for 1912) and some very graphic descriptions of battle wounds ("...A portion of his chest was laid bare to the ribs, three of which had been broken by the mighty blows of the gorilla. One arm was nearly severed by the giant fangs, and a great piece had been torn from his neck, exposing his jugular vein, which the cruel jaws had missed but by a miracle...") And Tarzan, though the hero of the tale, is no prince charming - he steals, he savagely abuses his elders, and he murders. But that's what makes it a great story. He's believable.
Some credit the author with inventing the first super hero with Tarzan. In fact, Tarzan is referred to as a "super man" in one instance (speaking of his strength and not some "Nietzsche-esque" concept), 20 years before the term becomes the proper name of a comic book hero. And while I don't know if Tarzan truly is the first "more than human" hero to appear in fiction, there are many characteristics that one would recognize in 20th and 21st century comics and movies. (Especially the "less than perfect" heroes of Marvel comics, such as Spider-man, various X-men characters, and others.) A reading of Tarzan will give one insight into the hero-worshipping society in which Americans find themselves today.
Consider this description: through unique circumstances, a human is e
ndowed with greater-than-average strength and unusual knowledge. He is able to use his abilities to save the lives of others, including a beautiful woman who has no knowledge of who he really is. In the end he saves the girl he has fallen in love with by defeating the bad guy, but can't be with her because of his "uniqueness". No, that's not the plot line for Superman: The Movie (1978), Batman Begins (2005), or Spider-Man (2002), that's Tarzan (1912).
Tarzan also speaks to one of mankind's most prevalent questions: Are we merely animal, or is Man something more. If left to his own devices will a man revert to an animal (as suggested in William Golding's 1954 novel "Lord of the Flies"), or, more interestingly, if a man is raised as an animal, can he rise above it to become more? Mr. Burroughs answer is "Yes he can ... and no, he can't". As the story reaches it's climax, we find Tarzan leaving the jungle to find the woman he loves. He has learned to speak French and through the encouragement of his friend, D'Arnot, he has learned to dress, eat, and generally act like a gentleman. However, when faced with a percieved enemy, Tarzan instinctively attacks and nearly kills the guy - as the law of the jungle has taught him. Tarzan is the epitome of the polarizing conflict within all mankind, the conflict between behavior that we preceive as civilized and that which we see as primitive. Tarzan even makes us wonder at times which is which.
Am I reading too much into a work that is only a few drawings away from being a comic book? Probably. What's my point? I'm not sure I have one, except this:
Get off the computer and go read a book.
*All images, though found on public websites such as Flickr et al., are copyright of their respective owners and are used under "Fair Use" laws in the United States. If you are the owner of any of these images and do not want them used, please contact the author.
Push play. If you don't recognize that call, you're either deaf or dead.
Tarzan. At least, that's how the movie makers at MGM made him sound in 1932.
Originally published in a pulp magazine, the name, and the various versions of the Tarzan story are now a part of our Americana. But how many people know the original story of the ape man?
I discovered, through one of my favorite podcasts, The Classic Tales, the original story of Tarzan as written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1912. Recorded in 7 parts, similar to the serial format pulp magazines employed at the time of it's original publication, this pay-per-podcast audio book production is really well done and proved more than worth the $5.50 I spent on it. (Accidentally - I was reviewing the site and I clicked on the PayPal button to see what was involved, only to find that I was logged into PayPal and the transaction went right through!)| I was passingly familiar with various movie versions of the story, most recently the Disney version (an almost sugary adaptation compared to the original, but with a really |  | good soundtrack featuring Phil Collins),but also the 1984 version by director Hugh Hudson of "Chariots of Fire" fame, and, unfortunately, the 1981 version featuring Bo Derek. But I had never read any of the books, especially the original. |
"The movie isn't as good as the book" was never more true than for Tarzan. Grant
ed, Mr. Burroughs was writing for a pulp fiction audience and his story lacks the depth and detail of a novel, but nonetheless he spun a great tale that deserves it's place in American literature; a tale that is not only great fun, but brings up questions of ethics, social status, and the true nature of the animal we call "human" and who really deserves that title.
If you haven't read it, or listened to an audio version, the book is available to read online in it's entirety. The audio version I have is available at the link above. Keep in mind that the story was written at a time when racial attitudes were sadly very different then they are today, and worse it was written about a time when slavery was still a reality. However the mature reader will recognize that the author is simply reflecting the world he lived in. If you share it with your children you will want to be able to answer questions that will come up.If you are a bibliophile, you'll definitely want to give it a read.
OK, so that's my book review... really only meant it as background, but that's how it came out... let me be analytical now, from here on there may be spoilers....
| At heart, Tarzan is a work of pulp fiction. ("Pulp" refers to the very low grade paper used to publish these magazines.) However, having been written in 1912, it's a very different form of pulp than what you find today. In the age before sci-fi and romance novels, |  | even "run of the mill" stories had something of value in the reading. While later stories in the Tarzan series are much more fantastic, the original holds a charm and a "realness" that many writings don't have. |
There are some in the Christian community that believe Christians should only read "Christian literature". By this they mean only works one would find at a, well, Christian store or in the Christian section of a bookstore. If you enjoy fiction you choice is limited. (There are some really excellent writers out there, like Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti, but you have to sift through tons of really mediocre writing to find any others.) Worse, there are so-called teachers out there that say you should only read the Bible - and their books that tell you what it says, of course.
Sadly, these folks are really missing out. Worse, they are putting themselves in situation that further propagates secular media's stereotype of the "uneducated religious" that they are so fond of making fun of in shows such as "Law and Order". God doesn't want us to be stupid.
Since Tarzan holds such a place of notoriety in the pantheon of Americana, it shouldn't be ignored. Yes, it's about a naked man living in the jungles of Africa, and, yes, there are some very violent scenes (especially for 1912) and some very graphic descriptions of battle wounds ("...A portion of his chest was laid bare to the ribs, three of which had been broken by the mighty blows of the gorilla. One arm was nearly severed by the giant fangs, and a great piece had been torn from his neck, exposing his jugular vein, which the cruel jaws had missed but by a miracle...") And Tarzan, though the hero of the tale, is no prince charming - he steals, he savagely abuses his elders, and he murders. But that's what makes it a great story. He's believable.
Some credit the author with inventing the first super hero with Tarzan. In fact, Tarzan is referred to as a "super man" in one instance (speaking of his strength and not some "Nietzsche-esque" concept), 20 years before the term becomes the proper name of a comic book hero. And while I don't know if Tarzan truly is the first "more than human" hero to appear in fiction, there are many characteristics that one would recognize in 20th and 21st century comics and movies. (Especially the "less than perfect" heroes of Marvel comics, such as Spider-man, various X-men characters, and others.) A reading of Tarzan will give one insight into the hero-worshipping society in which Americans find themselves today.Consider this description: through unique circumstances, a human is e
ndowed with greater-than-average strength and unusual knowledge. He is able to use his abilities to save the lives of others, including a beautiful woman who has no knowledge of who he really is. In the end he saves the girl he has fallen in love with by defeating the bad guy, but can't be with her because of his "uniqueness". No, that's not the plot line for Superman: The Movie (1978), Batman Begins (2005), or Spider-Man (2002), that's Tarzan (1912).Tarzan also speaks to one of mankind's most prevalent questions: Are we merely animal, or is Man something more. If left to his own devices will a man revert to an animal (as suggested in William Golding's 1954 novel "Lord of the Flies"), or, more interestingly, if a man is raised as an animal, can he rise above it to become more? Mr. Burroughs answer is "Yes he can ... and no, he can't". As the story reaches it's climax, we find Tarzan leaving the jungle to find the woman he loves. He has learned to speak French and through the encouragement of his friend, D'Arnot, he has learned to dress, eat, and generally act like a gentleman. However, when faced with a percieved enemy, Tarzan instinctively attacks and nearly kills the guy - as the law of the jungle has taught him. Tarzan is the epitome of the polarizing conflict within all mankind, the conflict between behavior that we preceive as civilized and that which we see as primitive. Tarzan even makes us wonder at times which is which.
Am I reading too much into a work that is only a few drawings away from being a comic book? Probably. What's my point? I'm not sure I have one, except this:
Get off the computer and go read a book.
*All images, though found on public websites such as Flickr et al., are copyright of their respective owners and are used under "Fair Use" laws in the United States. If you are the owner of any of these images and do not want them used, please contact the author.
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