The Struggle To Be A Real Person

I want to be real. I'm freaking Pinocchio, trapped in a wooden body, fighting to break out and become a real boy.

And in some sense that is literally true. I am trapped in a body wracked with pain and limited mobility and often crippling headaches that render me unproductive for days and sometimes weeks.

But I am talking about something we all struggle with. We want to be what we perceive as our perfect self. We see that there is a version of ourselves that we want to be. Maybe that has to do with our job, or our kids or where we live, but overall I think we all see a version of ourselves that has more to do with habits and hangups than it does with outward appearance.

"If only"... if only I could quit smoking. If only I could lose weight. If only I could be a better spouse. If only I could stop doing x. If only I could start doing y.

If only.

Friends, "if only" will kill you. Literally. I'm being very serious here. Chasing that "if only" will literally kill you. Maybe not quickly, but it will steal your life and leave you staring at your mortality with a wasted life.

We all want to be better. We all want to do better. And that's good. We should all want to be our true self. The problem comes when we look toward that true self and weigh it on the scale with 'if only' and see the huge pile of 'if only' outweighing the potential of reaching the true self.

And we feel like a failure. And we feel small and worthless. We feel this way because it just seems like an insurmountable mountain of 'ifs' that we need to overcome to become our true self.

Friends, let me make this really clear.

You are perfect as your are.

Let me say again, YOU are PERFECT as YOU ARE.

YOU ARE PERFECT AS YOU ARE. RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.

I don't care what your boss or your doctor or your church or family or anyone else is telling you.

Your true self is who you are right now. It's not an ideal that you have to waste your life to achieve.

Ok so you have this issue or that. You might have an addiction you need to deal with. You might be overweight. Yes, those are real things that you need to work on.

But those aren't the real you. Those aren't barriers to get to your true self. They're just globs of dirt that you need to brush off. Your true self is you as you are right now.

Everything you want to be  is here. Now. Anything you see as a barrier is an illusion.

What is really stopping you from being who you are? Fear. Specifically fear of failure.

I have one question for you: Who flipping cares?


Ask yourself this: If you had unlimited resources and unlimited time, what would you do with your life? Put aside the mansion and the sex partners and the piles of guns and consider, really consider, what you would DO? Put aside your family and friends and the selfish things and consider actually what you would DO as a vocation. What is that THING you would DO that you want to be. Is it a writer? An athlete? A philanthropist? Movie maker? Comedian? Lecturer? Teacher?

Now ask yourself this: Even though you don't have unlimited resources and time, what can you do to do that thing you want to do? What is honestly stopping you? Put aside your need to make enough money to eat and have a place to live, that's your job, it's not who you are. What can you do, in spite of your job, to become that thing you want to be?

There is really only one answer, isn't there? Fear. What if I do it and I suck at it?

Let me let you in on a little secret. You will suck at it. Everyone that has done something you consider great has also done something that is a complete disaster. But here's the secret:

They kept trying. They KEEP trying. They DO.

I am writing as much to myself as to you. I live in fear of failure. Of failing my family, of failing my church, of failing my God. (Yes, I am a 'religious' person, this may or may not apply to you). What do I want my real self to be?

I just want my real self to be .... real. I don't want to be the mask that I put on to hide my pain and disability. I don't want to be the mask I put on to hide my addictions and stuggles.

I want to be that person that lives without fear.

I am in my late fourties. My life is probably more than half over. My father died in his 50s. I could lament over how much time I have wasted. I could cry over how many lost opportunites I have had. I could be angry about how much time I have wasted in fear.

But I'm not going to do that. I don't want you to do that. I want you to dare to be real. It doesn't matter what you define as your real self. Just DO IT.

Do it. Go. Do. Fail. Get up. Fail some more. Who cares? What is the worst that could happen? Well, ok, you could die. But unless what you are trying to is skydiving or Russian Roulette, is death really on the list of worst things that could happen?

Christmas Rant

The world is a sad place again this Christmas. Or at least there isn't much joy to go around. Children murdered in the US, civil war in Syria, protests in Egypt (again), Israel flexing its muscle... not to mention Mali, New Delhi, North Korea... Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men - men aren't very good at it.

And here in America, on the Internet, we debate. I am the worst offender. Everything sets me off. Gun control? I am so there with fists raised ready to throw virtual punches. War on Christmas? Heck yea, let's rumble! Fiscal cliff? Let me tell you how wrong you are about everything you know about that!

Why do I do this to myself? Is it because I feel kind of helpless most days, struggling with physical pain and crippling headaches I feel like I don't matter anymore? So I make myself matter by being loud and confrontational?

Or maybe I'm just an asshole.

And that's really the opposite of what I need to be. I call myself Christian because of what I believe. If I really believe it, then I need to be better. I need to be salt and light, not angry and bitter. I need to be love and light, not sarcastic and vile.

Which begs the question, do I really believe what I claim to believe?

My journey of faith is different than most others. While many become Christian through a spiritual transition, my faith is based on a study of history and archaeology and ancient writings. The things I believe about the Bible would be much in opposition to the beliefs of most other Christians. And while I certainly believe in Jesus as the Son of God and the accuracy of the gospels, I do not feel that a completely literal interpretation of every single word in the Bible is how we are supposed to read it. God gave us brains, he wants us to use them and not just point at something and say "Yep, that's God, everything else is wrong". The debates over evolution/creation, when life begins, all that stuff, I don't think that's how we're supposed to "use" the Biblical text. Is it true and accurate and the Word of God? Sure. But it's not all history. Are the poems of Robert Frost true and accurate and the word of Robert Frost? Sure, but it doesn't mean that every word in them actually happened.

But I digress. We can debate Biblical authenticity and hermeneutics another day. My point is, from some people's perspective, I'm not a very good Christian. And maybe my confrontational nature has done more disservice to my friends than good. And maybe I'm not being confrontational enough in some areas.

I believe in God, I believe in 'Heaven' and eternal life (though the nature of such and the exact nature of life after death, we can discuss at another time). I believe in a "hell" (though the nature of such and the question of 'eternal torment', we can discuss at another time). As such I do wish that all my friends believed as I do and would be with me in eternity.

But I also know that most of my friends have looked at the same historical and archaeological evidence as me but have come to a different conclusion. Others look at those who claim to follow God and have determined if THAT is who God is, they want no part in it. It makes me sad. But if I truly love and respect my friends, is it better or worse to engage in endless discussion that isn't going to lead either of us to change our minds or is it better to just love and respect them?

 That brings me back to the debate question. This time of year, even though there are more important things in the world to discuss, the 'war on Christmas' always comes up. Was Jesus really born in a manger? Was she really a virgin? Was it December 25th? Shepherds? Angels? Wisemen? All that stuff? And is it really a 'war on Christmas' to argue against it?

A lot of arguments I've heard from atheists is that much of Jesus' story parallels that of other 'gods'. We'll save the discussion of Jesus death and resurrection as compared to other stories later and just talk about the birth story. First, the virgin question. Was Horus the Egyptian sun god born of a virgin? Well, first of all there's no evidence of that belief until well after the birth of Christ, but even if there were, so what? What about Buddha? Buddha's mother was married for 20 years before the Buddha came from her side (possibly a primitive c-section?) So doubtful. But even if he was, so what? Who copied who? Was Jesus the original "born from a virgin" or was that a tenant of other religions before? If the latter, so what?

What about December 25th? Jesus can't be real because so many other gods were born on December 25th and Christians just copied that. To that one I say "uh.. no". There is much more Biblical and historical evidence to suggest that Jesus was born in just about any other season except winter. The shepherds are the biggest give-away. Bethlehem is geographically situated about half a mile above sea level in what is basically a desert (even allowing for climate change over the last 2000 years, it was still very desert like). At that elevation at that time of year sheep would not be in the fields, day or night. There would be nothing for them to eat, they would have been penned up. The Biblical account says the shepherds were "tending their flocks by night". This points, most likely, to a summer time event. The days would have been very hot and too dangerous to be in the sun all day. Nights would have been cooler and safer to be out doors.

But why December 25th? To be honest, Christians stole it from 'pagan' celebrations of the Winter solstice. It was a marketing technique. "Hey, pagans, look over here! We're having a winter party too, only we have Jesus!" The celebration of Christmas, or to be precise, the "Christ Mass", didn't really exist until hundreds of years after the original writing of the gospels. Was that bad? Yea, kinda.

Born in a manger? What the freak is a manger? Most representations of a manger are a feeding trough. A box on legs full of hay. The gospel account says he was "laid in a manger". The Greek word translated as 'manger' is also used in Luke 13:15 and translated as "stall". Was it a feeding trough or just a stall lined with hay? My opinion? Meh. So what? Not sure we can know nor do I think it really matters. The gospel message of salvation is not changed if it was a trough or a stall.

Wisemen? Again, meh. It doesn't matter if they were there at the manger or later when Jesus was a toddler. What were their names? Where were they from? Meh. Does it matter? No not really.

War on Christmas? Hardly. It's more of a war to defend things that have no basis in history.

So then what does matter? What about Christmas is important? Should we not celebrate it at all because it's at best a fake Christian holiday and at worst a pagan celebration (full of pagan symbols like trees with lights)?

What's important is what is important to you. Don't believe in Jesus? That's OK. Don't think we should observe it at all because of it's pagan origins? That's OK too. What's important to you? Friends? Family? Food? Gifts? Fuzzy feel good feelings? It's all good. It's all great. If it's important to you, it's good.

Regardless of your beliefs, or non-beliefs, Christmas can be an amazing and awesome day. Don't let anyone convince you that you "have to" celebrate this way or that way. Even if you think the religious part of it is all wrong, so what? Enjoy the secular side. Enjoy the day off from work and the opportunity to party.

I'm off on tangents all over the place. But that's OK, it's my blog, I get to write what I want.

So, debate and confrontation. I love it. Should I? No, probably not. There's not enough love going around in the world. There needs to be more unity and harmony, or at the very least tolerance. (PS. Tolerance is not the same as acceptance. I tolerate my hemorrhoids, that doesn't mean I accept their right to exist.) Peace on earth and goodwill toward men should begin with me. Do you see Christ in me when I talk to you?

Probably not because all I want to do is argue with you. And I'm sorry. To you, guy I offended when you brought up gun control, I'm sorry. I was not kind when I could have been. It was obviously a very hot issue for you and all I did was make you more mad.

The world is a sad, tragic place this season. There are hurting people everywhere. Instead of insisting on standing my ground, I instead need to reach out in love and help you out of your hurt.

Merry Christmas to you, dear reader. If I have been unkind to you, I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me and give me an opportunity to make amends. And if you don't believe in Christmas, I say Merry Christmas anyway because to me it's not about pushing my belief on you, it's about a day of peace and love and harmony and I hope you find that, regardless of how you spend your day.

The Thankful Game - and how to suck at it.

It's the day before Thanksgiving here in the US. Over the course of the years the Wednesday before Thanksgiving has become as much of a "surrogate" holiday as Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, a day of grocery shopping, pie making, and for many, travelling.

The month before Thanksgiving, starting November 1st, has become a new holiday season. Many stores clear out the Halloween costumes and candy and put out the garland and tree decorations, but more than that, in our web-connected world, it's become it's own season. A season of thankfulness.

Many of my online friends played The Thankful Game this month. The Thankful game is where you use your blog or Facebook status or Twitter update to, once a day, tell something you are thankful for. The idea is that at the beginning of the game it's really easy, but as the days go on you are more and more challenged to think of things to be thankful fore and become more and more appreciative of the people and things and circumstances in your life.

I hate that game. I never play.

Why? Well, for one, it's kind of annoying. The first few days are always the same "my friends", "my family", "my job", "my house", "my dog"... on and on and on. Now don't get me wrong, those are great and fabulous things to have in your life and you should absolutely be thankful for them. But when 20 people on facebook are playing The Thankful Game and post their updates at about the same time every day and they all say pretty much the same thing ever single flipping day, it's kind of annoying. Really annoying. In fact I would say fingernails on a chalkboard annoying.

Another reason I don't play is, when it comes to Facebook, some people always need to comment on the things you say and make it about them. For example, if I post something like "I am really thankful that my chronic migraine is only at about 3 on the pain scale today instead of the usual 7" I get comments back like: "Oh I know just how you feel. Mine is at an 11 today when it's usually 17 and therefore much worse than yours and you should totally be grateful that your pain is less than mine and that you're able to talk about it because I'm on so much pain I can't move my hands an am typing with my left little toe because it's the only thing that hurts less than a 12." Ok, maybe not exactly that, but you get the idea. It has to be all about them and not just "hey that's great" or "I'm glad for you".

But overall the main reason I don't play is that The Thankful Game really misses the point. Absolutely I think that Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday and should be observed, but rather than fostering an attitude of thankfulness only a few days a year, we need to foster, develop, encourage, and grow that attitude in ourselves every DAY of the whole YEAR.

The Thankful Game needs to be played all the time. Now I'm not encouraging people to post on their social networks every day all the time. In fact please DON'T do that. Rather pray your thankfulness, if you are religiously inclined as I am - or keep it in your heart all day or write it down or privately express it in some way, if you are not. (In other words, thank God if you believe in him, thank karma or luck or your circumstances if you don't).

And that's when it really gets hard. Developing a sense of thankfulness every day of every year, no matter what else is going on in your life, is HARD. Can you be thankful when you get a flat tire and are stuck on the side of a busy highway with no spare? Can you be thankful when the dog has puppies and you didn't know she was pregnant... and she has them on your dry-clean only shirt that you needed for a business trip the next day? Can you be thankful laying in a hospital bed waiting for emergency surgery because your appendix has ruptured? Can you be thankful in the waiting room because someone else's appendix ruptured? Can you be thankful alone, in your room, when it seems no one is your friend and the loneliness buries you like a heavy wet blanket?

The only way to be bad at the Thankful Game is not to play. If you are reading this, it means you are among the wealthiest people on the planet. You have a home and electricity and light and a means to connect to the Internet. You also probably have a television to entertain you, a vehicle to get you places, and food in abundance. No matter your circumstances there is something to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am Christian, but not part of the Christian Right

Christian Conservative, Conservative Christian, Christian Right, Religious Right,whatever they want to call themselves it all means the same thing, at least in the United States: Christians (or those who call themselves Christian)  and others of faith that support the Republican party.

I do respect the movement in the fact that they are standing up for what they think is right. At heart they are standing for what they believe are Biblical values and are trying to promote those values in the American political system. However, I think that they are foundationally flawed in their platform and therefore are not correct in their political views.

Let me explain.

I am a Christian. I believe in the Bible. It is a recorded history of God's people and the teachings of Christ and therefore the Word of God. However, I do not agree with what many claim the Bible says.

The Christian Right - as I will refer to them for the rest of this post - at least in it's modern incarnation, had it's foundation in the '70s. Jerry Falwell and his followers in the "Moral Majority" began a campaign to involve Christians more pro-actively in the political process. Roughly during the Carter administration the movement began to take shape and though Falwell and others did not take direct aim at Carter, they did promote an image of  "... godless, spineless leaders have brought our nation floundering to the brink of death." My own theory is that this lead to Reagan being elected in 1980 and under Reagan's administration the Christian Right found solid roots to become what it is today.

And what is it today? What things characterize the Christian Right?

Pro-life. That is to say, anti-abortion. Abortion is abomination and needs to be stopped, made illegal.

Educational reform. The Bible and Biblical values should be taught in public school. This includes no longer teaching evolution and instead teaching creation or at least intelligent design.

Sex education. The prevailing view is that 'abstinence only' is the best way to teach sex. Others feel that sex education is the responsibility of parents and should not be taught in school.

Sexuality (particularly homosexuality). The prevailing view in the Christian Right is that homosexuality is a choice and a sin and therefore should not be presented in any context as 'normal' and homosexuals should not be allowed to marry or otherwise receive the rights assigned to "traditional marriage". Some even refer to a "homosexual agenda" that must be stopped.

Lately some in the Christian Right have described a "war on Christianity" by the government citing cases where some have sued to have "under God" removed from the pledge of allegiance, the false assertions that prayer is not allowed in public schools, and so on.

There are many other things that form the "platform" of the Christian Right, but these are the things that I have the most problem with and find it difficult - impossible actually - to align myself with them. Let me run them down.

Abortion rights. Since 1973, with the Roe vs. Wade case in the Supreme Court, a woman's right to an abortion has been protected in the United States. In short, she has the right to choose. Since that time many many many attempts have been made to get that decision overturned and all of them have failed.

Here's my take. Abortion is horrible. Abortion is murder.  That may be a harsh way to put it but that is my feeling. Abortion stops a beating heart and ends a life. 

With maybe a very few exceptions, I don't think any woman who has had an abortion would say that it was an easy decision for them. It's not something women take lightly.

But the decision has already been made. Pandora's box has already been opened. Women have the right to choose. No matter what happens, no matter who is elected, there is no way, absolutely no way that decision by the Supreme Court, is going to be overturned. Many attempts have been made and they have all failed. Even if you claim that a conservative President could do it, we've had Reagan, George HW Bush, and George W Bush. None of them even came close to getting it done.

Abortion as an issue in political elections is a red herring. It's a paper-mache carrot hung in front of the Christian Right to get them to vote. Common sense tells us that it can never, ever be made illegal and ending abortion by legislative means won't happen.

In other words, voting on the right simply to protect unborn children is a waste of your vote. Abortion can't be made illegal. It just can't. The only way to end abortion is to make it unnecessary. I don't feel the Republican party, as influenced by the Christian Right, has a plan in place to do that. 

Education Reform. I do feel that our current education system would benefit from the careful application of some Biblical values. I do not feel, however, that our public school system should be teaching The Bible, nor do I feel that the lessons in the Bible should be taught over prevailing scientific theories.

In other words, I think "love thy neighbor" is a great thing to teach. But once you start down the path of teaching The Bible as a guidebook to life you run into a whole SLEW of problems. Which version? Which interpretation? Should we teach what this church teaches or that church? How is this passage to be presented? And so on and so on and so on. If Biblical teaching is so important to parents, then they should take their kids to someone that has been taught the Bible. In other world, the Bible should be taught by those who went to Bible college (and those taught by that person). Those people are found in churches. You can find a church that most matches your view of what the Bible says. Find it and take your kids there if you want them taught the Bible.

The question of Evolution vs. Creation (or Intelligent Design) is at heart a religious - or at least philosophical - question. It has no place in the science classroom. Science teachers teach science. Period. Science is not anti-religion. I don't think religion is really anti-science either, but there are those who disagree. In either case, science needs to be taught. Regardless of one's religious beliefs, science HAS to be taught if we are going to keep America strong. And that means teaching the theory of evolution. 

There is a huge misunderstanding and villainization of Charles Darwin and his writings. Darwin did not write something that disproves the Bible, he wrote science. He wasn't out to kill God, he was out to figure things out. That's all science is, figuring things out.

No one will argue that on some level Darwin's theories are true. You can see it. Every farmer, pet breeder, insect exterminator can explain the basics of evolution. Characteristics of parents are passed down to children. Characteristics that are strengthened by the environment are more likely to be passed to the next generation. No one argues that.  The problem comes with you extend that line of thinking and draw links between on species and another and start seeing common ancestry and tracing that line of thinking all the way back to a single common ancestor for all life. That's when the Christian Right gets twitchy because "that's not what the Bible says."

My thinking: so what? You want the Bible taught to your kids, take them to an expert in the Bible. You don't agree with the theory of evolution, fine, tell you kids that, BUT THEY STILL NEED TO BE TAUGHT IT. Why? Because it is the prevailing theory in our day and age and so much that has come out of that theory pervades other branches of science as it exists today. In other words, you want your children to be smart, you want America to have the advantage over other countries, then kids have to be taught evolution, agree with it or not.

Now I am a Christian, doesn't that mean that I am hating on God's word by promoting evolution? No. Here's what I believe: The Bible tells us God created the world and the heavens and the earth and everything that is in it in 6 days. Except for Adam and Eve (made from the dust of the ground and Adam's rib respectively) the Bible does not tell us how everything was created. 



My own theory, just me and not supported by anything except my own brain, is that it may be something like this:

Think of a guy working in a fireworks factory. He builds those big shells that you see on the 4th of July, the ones that shoot up in the air and then burst into sparks and colors, making shapes and colors that make everyone say "oo" and "aaahh". Everything in that big, bright display is carefully planned. The fireworks artist knows that when he puts in this ingredient that it will make things green, and when he puts in these pellets that they will make whistles, and so on. He knows exactly what each thing he puts in will do and how it will react with other things and exactly how it will look when it goes off.

God made the Universe that way. He put in just the right ingredients so that it will expand and grow and glow in just the way He wants it to. He packed it all in and then BANG - the so called Big Bang. Created in 6 days, then exploding and unfolding for millions of years.

Just my take on it. You can call that intelligent design if you want. But do I feel my theory should be taught in public schools? No. Why? God, the Bible, do no belong in the science classroom. I don't want my preacher teaching science, I don't want my science teacher teaching the Bible. Simple as that.



Ok - on to the next topic.

Sex education. On the one hand, I do feel that the primary responsibility for teaching our kids about sex lies with the parents. However, the environment of the 21st century household may make that teaching difficult. At best parents can speak from their own education and experience. If sex education is taught in public schools it needs to balance what is taught at home with what science and medicine and psychology have to offer. In our modern society venereal disease is a reality and things change so quickly and scarily that parents can't keep up and that's where public educators come in.

On the question of abstinence. I think that's awesome. Preach it. But you need to face the reality that "kids are doing it anyway" and an "abstinence only" stance is not only irresponsible, it's dangerous. Even the most religious, devout teenager can be swept up in peer pressure and hormones. To leave them with only the message "just don't do it" can lead to all sorts of disasters. The message "don't do it" needs to be given along with "but if you do, then you need to be aware of this and this and this.." I put myself in some very dangerous positions when I was in high school. I dodged many bullets, but not all kids are so lucky. If I had been taught the pitfalls of sex I might have acted in much different ways.

That brings us to sexuality. In particular homosexuality. How do we handle this?

To be honest, this one is hard for me. Many point to verses in Leviticus and other places in the Old Testament to show homosexuality is wrong. That doesn't line up with me because those same sections teach about restrictions on what to eat, what to wear, and so on and if we're going to follow the rules about homosexuality, then we have to follow the others as well. There are places in the New Testament that mention it. Those are harder to wrap my brains around.

But regardless of what I think or believe, it doesn't change that this is an issue in our society. Many will tell you that homosexuality is a choice. I don't think so. I honestly haven't had a lot of contact with gay people but those I have talked to, to a one, do not describe 'being gay' as something they chose. Every one of them said they 'always knew' and 'since they were a kid' they had just 'been that way'.

Now, I do think that there are cases among young people, because of how they are treated by their peers, or something that happened at home, or some other thing, where they are having trouble defining their identity and personality and someone will say or do something that makes them take a path on a sexual lifestyle that does not really line up with who they are. That works both ways, gay kids trying to live straight and straight kids trying to live gay, because they are confused. In that respect there are cases where it might seem that someone is "cured" of being gay or someone is "recruited" into being gay when in actuality they are either dealing with that confusion or overcoming that confusion and living their true identity.

All that being said, here's what I think: No matter what I believe or the church believes or others believe, individual people, just themselves, are responsible for being true to themselves. It's not my job or anyone else's to tell someone what to believe, how to act, or who to be. If they are interested in finding out more about what I believe, great! I'll bring them to church. But other than that, I do no think it's anyone else's job to tell others what to do in their own morality.

And gay marriage? Why not? They'd have to pay for marriage licenses, that adds to the public coffers. The marriage ceremonies will lead to a stimulation of the local economy  - gifts and so forth. And public recognition of that relationship makes it easier for loved ones to take care of each other. Many speak of the "sanctity of marriage" and "traditional marriage". The sanctity of MY marriage is not threatened by the marriage or non marriage of someone else, only I and my wife have anything to do with that. And "traditional marriage"... traditions change.

"Gay marriage" is inevitable. You might vote to try to stop it, and your candidate, if elected, might be able to hold it off for a while, but it is inevitable. It will become a reality in every state in the United States. If that is the only reason you are casting your vote, then you are wasting your vote.

And that brings me to my final talking point. The "War on Religion".

I only have one thing to say on that. Until our government starts raiding churches, carrying away preachers that are never seen or heard from again, until armed forces crash though our neighborhoods, destroying the homes and businesses of those who believe a certain way, until someone pins an emblem to your clothing marking you as belonging to a certain religious group, then don't talk to me about a war on Religion.

You are still free to go to your church. You are still free to read your Bible. You are still free to watch religious programming that is still allowed to come into your home. Until any of those above things happen, it is INSULTING to say that your religion is under attack. It insults those in other countries, China for example, where the Christian church really is under attack. It's insulting to those missionaries that have laid down their lives trying to share the love of Christ with others. It's insulting to 6 million Jewish men women and children that died at the hands of the Nazis in the 30s and 40s.

Insulting.

And to claim that one party or another is out to expunge religion from America... insulting. Yes, times have changed. The attitudes of people regarding religion in public places, schools for example, have changed since the 50s. That doesn't mean that those times were "better" religiously speaking, it just means people had a different attitude. My kids can still say "under God" during the pledge of allegiance (if their classroom does it at all). They can still pray in their classroom so long as they don't jump up and disrupt things to lead a public prayer. Prayer is a personal thing anyway and I feel it's better for them to do it quietly, privately. (As long as there are math tests, there will always be prayer in school.)

The only war on religion in the United States is a war by the Christian Right insisting that 'their' religion is right and the choices of others is wrong.

----

So, Mr. Author of this Blog who calls himself Christian - why don't you tell us what you really think.

I am part of a small but growing group, not really organized more than just sharing common beliefs, that calls ourselves The Christian Left. Now I am not saying that by calling myself that that I am fully aligned with the far left and "liberals". For me, in my political life, my Christians beliefs have led me to a place that is "not on the right", and by that definition, I am on the left.

But what does that mean?

I means that I have read the Bible. Many times and am reading it again now. I have found that what the Bible says is not what the Christian Right would have you believe. To represent the true love of Christ we should support a government that takes care of all people in the country and not tell people what they can't do with their own life and body.

That's that. No complicated theology. Theology has no place in politics. 

Thanks for letting me rant some more.

Continuing the Rage series

This political season needs to end. Fortunately in about 3 weeks it will, but until then, it's going to be a rough ride.

I am obsessed with the political races in my area and on up to the President. I can't think of anything else. It's consumed me. And I hate it, I really really hate it. Why? Because I literally can't think of anything else.

Why is it affecting me so? Am I that much more aware of the political process now than previously in my life? Am I really that drawn to the people and personalities involved? What is it that has me so engrossed in this process?

And why is it the only emotion I have associated with this whole process is 'rage'.

Since Obama was elected (well, shortly before, but certainly coming into full bloom after) we have seen the growth of the Tea Party movement. Many in my area, especially in the races for state legislature, have embraced the Tea Party, at least as far as their stance on the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

I don't know much about the movement in other parts of the country, just snippets I've seen on the news, but around here, it's pretty nasty. One of the candidates for the state senate, who happens to be running unopposed, has spent a lot of money on radio ads that say something like this: "This election is about freedom and free stuff. If you love freedom, vote for me. If you think you're entitled to your neighbors money and free stuff, then you hate freedom. Simple as that.".

Really? That simple? And that's just an example.

The worst part? The Tea Party has gained a lot of ground in Native American communities around here. Many of which depend on the government for everything - that is to say, they get more free stuff than just about anyone.

Rage.

It's that kind of thing that just makes me angry! I just want to slap these people!

They really like their bumper stickers too. "One and done", "Nobama", "My healthcare plan is my gun" (seriously), and my favorite "I miss Reagan". I know I've mentioned that one before. I still don't get it. I mean really, out of control military spending, the constant threat of war with the Soviet Union, record unemployment, trickle down economics... really, what is it about the Reagan era you'd like to bring back? The worst part? A lot of the people sporting that bumper sticker weren't born when Reagan was president. Granted I was a teenager during Reagan's terms, but I must have a different view of that time than what they are teaching in schools.

I'm just ranting and rambling here, I hope you don't mind. I've had a severe case of mental block for weeks now and I'm hoping that by getting this all off my chest I can break through and put this behind me. Or maybe I'll have to wait until the election is over...

Last night was the second Presidential debate. So of course it's what everyone is talking about today. I didn't watch it. I'll probably go read a transcript of it later just to satisfy my morbid curiosity as to what was actually said, but honestly, I've already decided how to vote so the debates don't have any bearing on my choice.

And yes I am voting Obama and pretty much a Democratic ticket all the way down. Why? Because I don't feel the Republican party at this time better represents the interests of the American people compared to the Democrats. Are the Democrats really the best choice? No. There never really is a "best of the best" choice, it is politics after all, but I feel that for me and my family the Democrats are actually trying to do something while the Republicans are just focused on not being Democrats and are actually being obstructive to the process of government.

Case in point, the Affordable Health Care act. No one is talking about how Romney and state Republicans put essentially the same plan into effect in Michigan with great success. Healthcare for the populace is a brilliant idea. Everyone should be supporting it. But since the bill was passed under a Democratic President, it's a horrible idea, even though Romney has already done it. Why can't they just agree that it's a good thing and not try to be the opposite?

The way I see it, the Democratic party is moving in a certain direction. The Republicans, rather than being just 10 degrees off that direction or even 90 degrees are a complete 180 degrees - trying to move in the opposite direction. Not because they honestly feel that is the best way to go but because it IS the opposite direction of the Democrats. And moving in the opposite direction just for the sake of going the opposite direction is not what this country needs. Do the Democrats have the very best plan? I don't think so, but at least it's a plan and not just the polar opposite of someone else's plan.

Am I biased? Am I now a left-wing liberal who is just opposed to the right for no good reason? I don't think so. I am a registered independent. Besides not being able to vote in my state's primaries, this is also symbolic of my commitment to always try to look at the issues and the candidates no matter what. I voted for George W. Bush - twice. I also voted for Clinton. And Perot. I've never toed a party line. Often I've voted on party for President, and the opposite party for Congress. I think my voting record shows a commitment to always looking for the best choice for the times. So, am I biased? No. At least I don't think go.

That's why ads accusing me of "hating freedom" because I think someone should get "free stuff" make me so angry. First of all, I don't think anyone should get "free stuff". I think people should take care of people. If you want to belittle that by claiming that someone gets free stuff, then so be it. Second of all, I don't see how someone, like me (yes, me, I am on disability and medicare) getting free stuff means someone else's freedom is somehow in jeopardy. What they really mean by "freedom" is "money grubbing" and by "people getting free stuff" they actually mean "worthless people who are ripping off the system".

Which brings me to my next rant.

Everyone, and by everyone I generally mean Tea Partiers who have drunk the Kool Aid, seems to know someone or many someone who is getting food stamps and or welfare that really doesn't need it and is ripping off the system so we need to do away with the system so they will go back to work.

That kind of logic says let's stop drowning by removing all life guards from public pools, that way kids who can't swim will have to swim for themselves. IDIOCY!

First off, if there are so many people ripping off the system and so many people know about it, why haven't all those people been reported and investigated? I mean really. If you "know" your neighbor is getting food stamps but is buying a new $2000 TV or an expensive car, then do your civic duty and REPORT THEM. If you don't 'know', then don't say that. How about, instead, HELP them get a better job?

And that's really what the current election has come down to.

The Democratic party says we're a community and we should should help each other. Without unity, we're going to fall apart. The Republican party, trying to be the polar opposite of the Democrats says, instead, every man and business for himself. Your money is your money and you shouldn't have to help anyone you don't want to. Healthcare? Democrats say "everyone should be able to afford it and if you can't afford it, you should get a break". Republicans say "healthcare is a business, those that can afford it get it, those that can't should just suck it up and get a better job. Let the insurance industry set the rules."

And there is a lot more to this election than healthcare, but that is the most prominent issue that people know about.

Why can't we just help each other? Why do we have to have the government tell us we have to? Because if we WERE taking care of each other, then the government WOULDN'T HAVE TO!! I mean seriously, if it was working before, the government wouldn't have to step in.

I've told my story regarding health insurance before, but let me sum up. About 6 years ago I got sick. We still don't know what is going on with me, but chronic pain, memory loss, some neurological problems all sum up to a big pile of ick. I had health insurance through work that carried over when I went on disability, at least at first. Since in America health insurance is hard to transfer from one company to another, I had to go with the plans my job offered when I signed on. I picked what I thought was a good one. Low deductible, low co-pays, covered a lot of stuff. Over the 3 years I worked there I paid in more than $4000. (This was just for me, to have my wife and kids covered would have cost more than I made in wages - and that's on the discount plan.) Then I got sick. I had to have a lot of tests. Come to find out that even though the tests were "pre-approved" - that is we actually called the insurance company and said "will you pay for this" and they said "yes" - they weren't going to pay for them. In the end, if I had kept the money that I paid into the insurance company I would have been able to pay for the tests and everything else and still come out ahead. Instead I gave them $4000 and still have about $3000 worth of bills from tests that I'm struggling to pay. Then, because I couldn't pay the bills that piled up, my insurance company dropped me for not paying "my share". I have a lot of other tests that had to be paid out of pocket - that is to say I'm still trying to pay for them - that had to be done before I could get on Medicare (a nightmare of a process that took the better part of 4 years.)

The medical insurance system is broken. We've let the industry regulate itself and all it's done is put us in debt. Now it's time that we as Americans who love freedom to step up and take care of our fellow man. Whether we want to or not. Why? Because over the long term an America that takes care of it's sick will have a stronger workforce, more money to invest in small business and big business, and a health care industry that is fully paid for will lead to research and innovation that will lead to further improvements in health care.

ROAR!

Why can't people just GET that? Why is there such a prevailing attitude of what is mine is mine? We are a community, whether we like it or not. We have no CHOICE. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Romney and others don't think that way. They think by making the strong stronger makes us all stronger. That's not how chains work. That's not how communities work. That's not how America and the WORLD works. We, humans, are affected by everything that affects our neighbors be they right next door on the other side of the world. We HAVE to help each other. We have no choice.

But what about abortion? What about the unborn babies? Way too many people are making their political decisions based on this one issue. I too have been swept up in this cause and I have voted for a president based on their promise to end abortion.

The sad truth is that the Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion in 1972 - Roe v. Wade - will never, ever be overturned. Ever. No President, no politician, can make that promise because no matter what it will not be overturned. It would take a huge, miraculous, wild chain of events that lead to a complete replacement of Supreme Court judges with others that are 100% anti-abortion and even then there would have to be a case, exactly like Roe v. Wade, for them to rule the opposite way the judges in 1972 ruled. Or, alternately, there would have to be a Constitutional amendment. A Constitutional amendment requires 2/3 of states to propose it and 3/4 of states to ratify it before it becomes the law of the land. While not impossible, it is certainly unlikely to happen in our times.

I hate abortion. In fact no one LIKES abortion, but there are some that want you to believe that supporting the abortion choice means you like it or that you are supporting the business of those that do. The truth is, even the women that are getting an abortion, for the most part, don't want it. It's a horrible, painful process both physically and emotionally. Supporting a woman's right to choose is not supporting this horrible thing.

It's not going to become illegal. It's not. Anyone that tells you different is just trying to get your vote. The only way to end abortion is to make it unnecessary. You end it by making every pregnancy a wanted pregnancy. I feel that Republicans have put so much effort into trying to convince the American public that abortion can be made illegal that they have overlooked the only real way to end it.

Simply put - the way to end abortion is by supporting the rights of girls and women to receive equal education, equal pay, equal treatment in the workplace. Also by educating young girls about sex, relationships, and caring for themselves. We teach girls that sex is not shameful, but neither is it something that should be given away casually. We teach boys that they are responsible to take care of their bodies and selves too. We teach them to respect women. We support women's healthcare by making it accessible to every woman, no matter their age. Only when every pregnancy is a chosen pregnancy will there be an end to abortion.

This is not something that will happen over night. But I do feel that only one party really has a clue as to how to begin the process and right now, at this time in history it is the Democrats.

I'm just about ranted out here. I feel much better getting this stuff out of my head. I think the fog is clearing a bit. I've been trying for some time to write a blog post about how I, as a Christian, do not and cannot support the Christian Conservative movement., It's been hard to get the thoughts down because there is just so so much that is tied into everything in this election that I can't tease out the threads to make a coherent post and I end up just ranting and raving like I do now.

Thanks for listening.

What we should really be doing...

A little thought I had. You might not agree, but I wanted to share.

What I want my kids to know about same-sex marriage.

Dear Children of Mine,

We live in a very weird time in history. And a very weird place. The things you will see and do and experience in the course of your life are astounding. Technology is developing faster and faster every day and the things you will be able to do in your life will make my life seem like the playtime of you childhood.

But in the course of your life, with all the shiny new toys, I don't want you to forget to take care of yourselves and the people around you. More than that, I don't want you to forget to take care of all people. It's easy to watch a screen, read a blog, and make judgments about  others and their actions, it's another thing to go out there and work and act and be with real people. Don't forget to take care of real people.

I want you to be able to decide for yourselves what is right and wrong. I didn't raise you in the church to just swallow everything everyone says. Even within our church people will say different things on the same subject. I don't want you to be confused, I want you to be informed. Most of all I have tried to give you the tools you need to make intelligent decisions for yourself on every topic. Even religion. I want you to use your amazing minds and plot your own course in everything you do.

We have raised you all in the church. Even in our own church you have heard it said "homosexuality is wrong". But you guys also go to public school and the older ones among you are going to a public college. You have been exposed to people who are homosexual. You might even have teachers that are. You also read and watch TV and movies and you know what being homosexual is all about.

As I write this the United States and other parts of the world are struggling with the issue of same-sex marriage. Many intelligent people on both sides of the issue are arguing whether it is "right" or "wrong" and many states are passing laws, some saying "same-sex marriage is ok" others saying "same-sex marriage is illegal". Many people have drawn lines, thumped the Bible, waved the constitution and generally gotten ugly. On both sides.

As with everything, I am not going to tell you what is right and wrong. I want you to figure out for yourself what you think and what you believe. All I can offer is my opinion and tell you how I arrived at it. So here goes:

There are two aspects to a marriage as it currently exists in the United States. There is the 'religious' ceremony, and there is the legal ceremony.

The religious part is what most people think of when they hear the word "wedding". Two people, a 'man of the cloth', a church, lots of people, the wedding march... that whole bit. Traditions vary among different churches and religions, but many people have some kind of ceremony with lots of pomp and circumstance.

Then there is the legal part. For most of us, this is more of a "thing you have to do" than a ceremony. You go to the courthouse (or other public office) obtain the license, then you, your spouse, the witnesses, and a person licensed to marry you all sign it. In the eyes of the law you are not married without this document properly signed (with the exception of 'common law' marriage, in which some states declare you married if you have lived together for a certain amount of time - but that's another issue).

I tried to do a little research on the civil part of marriage as it exists in the United States. There are differing opinions as to when, why, and how marriage licenses began to be issued, but one thing is clear, after the Civil War they became common and from that time until relatively recently they were used by many states and counties to limit who could be married and who couldn't. Many places would not allow mixed race marriages by not issuing a license to the couple. It was only recently (within the last 50-60 years) that these restrictions have begun to be lifted. For most couples in most parts of the United States, the marriage license is more of a formality and a nuisance than anything else.

So what is the "Same-Sex Marriage" issue all about? From a legal/civil stand point, same-sex couples want the same rights as heterosexual couples that have signed a marriage license. This includes a long list of things that include parental rights, tax purposes, making decisions in the event of a health crisis or death, and so on. For example, Bob and Moe have been together as a same-sex couple for 15 years. Suddenly, Bob dies. Moe, who knew Bob better than anyone, knows exactly what Bob would want for his funeral. Unfortunately, Bob can't make those plans because Bob's family, his surviving siblings and parents, have legal priority. In fact, in some places, they could even keep Moe from attending Bob's funeral.

That is an EXTREME example (and honestly I don't know of any actual cases of this happening) but following the letter of the law in many places this could happen. If you look in the news you will find many cases among same-sex couples where things like this ARE happening.

But what about from a religious/church/Biblical standpoint?

I know that you have gotten conflicting viewpoints on this from me over the years. I used to be very much "anti-gay". I thought I knew that being gay was a choice, and that choice is a sin, and since it's a sin those who choose to live that way are not worthy of God's love.

But as you know (or at least I hope you know),  I don't think or feel that way anymore.

Am I going against God? Against the church? Maybe. But let me explain...

I am a sinner. There are many things in my life that are against things the Bible says are wrong. I have lied, stolen, lusted... I have a very large plank in my eye, so to speak. The verses that many point to in the Bible to show that homosexuality are wrong are printed right along side of many others that are about lying, stealing, eating shellfish...  To be honest, it's hard to sort out what the Bible REALLY says about homosexuality.

Is it a sin? I don't know. But what I do know is that IF it is a sin, it is not one that I struggle with. But there are many others that I do struggle with. And, currently, there no laws to prevent me from "indulging" in those sins. My sins, from a legal standpoint, are legal.

Which brings me to my point. By legalizing same-sex marriage, no one is forcing anyone to perform the marriage ceremony of anyone else. By making it legal to sign a marriage license, states are not requiring that churches perform the religious part of a same-sex wedding. Some churches might choose to do so, but no one is requiring it (as far as I know). Churches and others who hold privately owned spaces are still free to choose who uses that space for what purpose.

Those advocating for Same-Sex Marriage are not trying to force any religion to change it's point of view. What they do want is the the same LEGAL rights as heterosexual couples. They want to be 'legal'.

So IF same-sex marriage is a sin, should it be illegal? That is the question many states are dealing with. Some say "yes, who cares if it's a sin, let it be legal" others say "no, we try to base our laws on how we interpret the Bible, so we can't let it be legal".

But then there are my sins. Even though, by definition, my sins are against the Bible, according to the law they are legal. I will not embarrass you, children, by telling you what they are, but it's enough to say that when I "indulge" them, I don't hurt anyone. My sins are not rape or murder, nor do they involve physically hurting another individual. Same-Sex marriage, again IF it is a sin, doesn't hurt anyone either. Why are my "harmless according to the law" sins legal, but same-sex marriage is not?

And that's how I came to the point of view that I currently hold. From a Constitutional, legal, standpoint, there is no reason that same-sex marriage should be prohibited. (Granted, I am not an expert on the Constitution, nor the law, but from what I can read, there is nothing that describes or defines marriage in the Constitution of the United States.) Why should my sins be legal while the "sins" of others are prohibited? Do I like the idea of Same-Sex Marriage? It makes no difference what I think.

In the end, I am responsible for my own relationship between me and my God. I am responsible to you, children, and those around me. Is it my job to go around pointing out the sins of others? No. Not while I have this huge plank in my eye - which we all have from our own personal sins. As I said before, don't forget to take care of real people. Starting with yourself. And remember that taking care of people doesn't mean going around pointing out what they are doing wrong, it means to pick them up when they fall down.

Always remember the story of the Good Samaritan. In the eyes of that Samaritan, the wounded Jewish man was the worst sinner imaginable. And the Jewish man would have seen him the same way. But instead of lecturing the man while he was down about how his sins were wrong and how he worshiped the wrong god in the wrong place and so on, he picked him up, took him to get help, and footed the bill. In the parable, Jesus did not tell us what they said to each other. Why? Because it wasn't important. What was important was the ACTION of one sinner taking care of another.

And that's what we should do. Instead of trying to prevent the world from committing what we see as 'sin', we instead need to go to those who have fallen down and help them back up. It doesn't matter what you think is right or wrong, children, when it comes to other people. Decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong and do you best to live by those guidelines, but DO NOT expect everyone everywhere to see the world as you see it. Instead, be a friend to everyone. Love everyone. Pick up those who fall down.

And leave the rest to God.

I'm off on a rant now, so I'll close it up here. I don't want you to get caught up in something that doesn't really concern you. Love and protect those around you, do your best to help others in need. Do no harm. Leave the rest because you don't need the stress. Trust God, always.

And remember, children, that no matter what you do, where you go, or what you become, I will always love you.

All my love,
Dad

Are we really that bad?

Recently I was introduced to a new friend by way of another friend. I really only know both of these fine folks through facebook, so I don't know either of them in a "real" way and what they know about me is only from things I post on facebook.

I bring this up because in making the introduction, my "old" friend described me to my "new" friend like this (not exact quote):  "You'll like him, he's really cool. He's a Christian but don't let that bother you, he's a good guy anyway."

Everyone in on the conversation understood was was being said and nothing insulting or unkind was intended in any way and I didn't take it that way at all. But it made me think...

Are Christians, as a whole, so bad that something like this needs to be said in any context? It doesn't bother me that it was said about me, but why did it HAVE to be said? Do people need to be given a warning between "this kind of Christian" and "that kind of Christian"?

I know a lot of the Christian "public" image comes from the media. Especially in an election year it seems like the words "Christian values", "faith based issues", and this mysterious group called "value voters" get a lot of buzz. Discussions about this candidate's faith or that candidate's church get a lot of screen time too. Unfortunately, most of this attention is given to what the candidates and voters stand against. Christians are seen by some as those who say "no, you can't have that". Gay marriage? No, you can't have that. Abortion? No, you can't have that. And on it goes.

Then when you throw "conservative" into the mix (some assume Christian=conservative and conservative=Christian) and all the political issues that go alone with that, it gets even messier. "Fair" taxes on corporations and the wealthy? No, you can't have that. Universal health care? No, you can't have that. And on it goes.

That's what many people assume. Christians aren't for anything, but against everything.

Are we really that bad?

I am Pro-Choice Because I Don't Know What Else To Be

This is probably going to cost me, posting this. There are some friends I have that won't be so any more. There are many at my church, that, if they should read this (they probably won't) might ask me to the door. But I don't care. There are things I need to say.

I am a Christian, and I am Pro-Choice. No, that is not an oxymoron. Seriously, you can be both. Let me explain.

I don't like death of any kind. I think life is important, sacred, and should be preserved. Whether it's a baby in the womb, an AIDS victim, or a 98 year old great grandmother with Alzheimer's, we need to do everything we can to protect, preserve and heal those lives.

I don't LIKE abortion. If anyone claims they LIKE it, that person should be put away in a rubber room. No one LIKE death or blood or violence. But these things exist in our world. Even those who make money off of selling weapons and such will tell you that, if the gun they sold was pointed at their own head, they wouldn't like it so much.

And while the phrase is "Pro-Choice", I don't LIKE the choice. I don't like that there has to BE a choice. I don't like that a teenage girl or a woman living in poverty or even a successful business woman has to make a CHOICE about what to do with their unborn child. I don't LIKE that there exists situations where a woman has to choose between the relationship there are in or their baby, keeping a minimum wage job with no benefits and a baby, keeping their hard earned success and a baby. I don't like that we live in a world where unwed mothers are stigmatized and ostracized and a choice has to be made.

But that is the world we live in.

Now at this point we could start arguing facts and figures. Figures about how many loving parents are waiting for babies to adopt, or how many women died from illegal abortions before it was legalized, or how many women are able to successfully juggle kids and careers, or how many unwanted children are mistreated, abused and sick, how much taxpayer money is used to perform abortions, how much medical research can be advanced, and on and on and on. But I'm not writing about facts and figures. I'm not writing about how bad the act of abortion is or what would happen if it suddenly became illegal (my opinion is that it would be bad and bloody, but that's another post), or the benefits of keeping it legal.

What I'm talking about is us, the people of the world, all of us everywhere that have built ourselves a society where such a thing as abortion can even exist. That there can be even one woman, somewhere, anywhere on the planet at any time, who has to face that choice, that has to find out she's pregnant and think "Oh, God, what will I do now". How have we come to that?

And what can be done about it?

I don't have answers to either one. At least not on a "OMG that's the answer for the whole world" scale.

What I do know is that suddenly stamping the word "Overturned" on Roe v. Wade solves nothing. It doesn't solve the issue of 'unwanted pregnancy'. Electing a President or Congress-person because they will "end abortion" is not the way to go. Cutting off taxpayer money funneled to Planned Parenthood doesn't make it stop. Making the act of ending a pregnancy illegal doesn't touch the root of the problem - the fact that an unwanted pregnancy could even exists.

But it's a start, you might say, chop the head off the dragon and eventually the rest will die.

I respectfully disagree. Like the mythical Hydra, this dragon will just grow more heads. And more. And more. The only way to slay the dragon is the heart.

And the heart of this problem is not ending abortion, it's making it UNNECESSARY.

And how do we do that?

I don't know. And that's why I'm pro-choice. Because I don't know what else to be. I don't have any answers. Oh, I have opinions, ideas, things I can do, like educate my children, talk to the boys and girls in my life, at my church, my nieces, nephews, and grandchildren and TEACH them how not to cause an unwanted pregnancy, but that's not a solution. And no guarantee that any of those kids will actually listen to me.

Until there is a sweeping change in society, where every pregnancy is wanted (whatever form that may take) we all must act in love, peace, and compassion for our fellow woman (and man). Until we stop judging the pregnant woman for getting pregnant, then judge her again for her choice, then judge her again after that choice is made - until there comes a time when there doesn't have to BE a choice, then all we should do, all we MUST do is act in love.

Everything else feeds the dragon.

A Ramble. A Venting. A Spill the Guts kind of blog post.

I don't blog much anymore. I really miss it. But most days my head is just screaming in huge Technicolor lightening bolts of pain and I just don't do much of anything. I miss doing just about everything.

At the moment, I'm having a bit of clarity. Or insanity. It's hard to tell which. So I thought I'd try to write. Just write. No set topic, no brilliant ideas, just me, my keyboard, and the voices in my head. (Some of them speak German, at least I think it's German, so we'll be ignoring those for today.)

You might say I've has a lot on my mind. People say that to mean they are going through some difficulty or something, but in my case, I literally have a lot on my mind. My thoughts seem to just run at full speed in 180 different directions all at the same time. It's like when we were kids and we had gym class and the teacher threw a bunch of different kinds of balls into the middle of the floor and said "free play"! Like that, a gym full of kids running amok.

I think some about politics. About how I'm kind of disappointed in our current president that he hasn't had the balls to stand up to the opposition and do what he promised he would do when he was campaigning. I think about how the opposition, in this case the Republican party, has become the laughing stock of the world by letting people like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and James Dobson speak for them. That last one is particularly disappointing as I had great respect for Dr. Dobson and his Focus on the Family organization before they went all political and started using their radio show as a pulpit. (Dobson left Focus in 2003, I don't know if the political turn had anything to do with that, but Focus is much less political now. His new ministry Family Talk, seems, from its website, to continue that political bend.) Dobson was, of course, entitled to do what he wants with his radio show, his organization, and his money, but what used to be a good resource for raising your children and living with your spouse became an ongoing rant about how liberals are the enemy and if you are a liberal, you are evil.

That's not a quote. I don't know if Dr. Dobson ever said anything like that, but that is the tone I got from his politically tainted show the one time I listened to it. And he's not the only one that feels that way. I had a friend, or at least I thought he was, in high school that I hadn't talked to in years turn up on Facebook. We talked Star Trek and high school memories and religion and lastly politics. When he asked me if I was a conservative, I honestly said "no, not in the strictest sense". What I got in reply was a 14 page diatribe about how he is a conservative and as such liberals are the enemy and the enemy must be fought at all costs. And he meant "at all costs", going so far as to imply that the use of deadly force against the president would not only be justified, but applauded. He un-friended me after that.

I don't understand that line of thinking. Nothing is black and white. Nothing is entirely either/or in the strictest sense. Religion, maybe, if you are looking at the broadest definitions of "in" and "not in", but politics, especially, is one big huge stinking pile of grey area. Unfortunately, the powers that be, in the case of the United States that's the Democratic and Republican parties, rely on the ignorance and entertainment-lulled faculties of the average citizen to polarize everyone and keep themselves in power. If people would take the time to educate themselves and vote according to what they truly believe instead of some false sense of "us" and "them", we might all be shocked at how different this country would become.

And speaking of religion and politics.... I mean, seriously people, Christian does not automatically mean Conservative and Conservative does not automatically mean Christian. Too many people are lumping those two together and I don't like it. Especially when movements like the Tea Party lay claim to religion and morality and claim to have cornered the market. Not to mention groups like Westboro Baptist who gladly go around to soldier's funerals to tell people "God Hates Fags" while singing Amazing Grace. Makes my stomach turn.

It's not all black and white people!!! Come ON! THINK FOR YOURSELVES!! Don't let Fox News, CNN, or any other "authority" do it for you. Figure out, for yourself, based on FACTS, not opinions, what you think and feel and love and believe. You'd be shocked at how much happiness that brings to your life.

A few years ago, when I became unable to work, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. Way too much. I've tried filling the time with projects and hobbies and stuff, but as my condition deteriorates, I find things harder and harder to do. So, more and more it's just me and my brain. I've had the time to think through a lot of things that I thought I was sure I was settled on. To my surprise, and my happiness, I've found that many of the things I thought defined me, I didn't really give a crap about. Other things, that I didn't think so important, have become much more so. And the best part about it is, I AM NOT BOUND BY ANY OF IT! I have found I am free to change my beliefs and opinions about things as I learn more about them and I am not OBLIGATED to anything! It's very freeing.

Take for example, the pro-life/pro-choice issue. (I know some people are going to want to fight me on this, but bear with me. I'll gladly talk about it later if you want, but I doubt I will change my thinking.) At one point I honestly felt that since I am a Christian, that I had to be pro-life. It seemed very obvious to me that "killing babies" was evil and thus I should be against it, that I should vote accordingly, and not many other issues really mattered. Today, after some thinking and reading and just generally looking around, I would have to call myself pro-choice. Now, before you go all righteous on me, hear me out. When I say pro-choice, I am not saying "pro-abortion". I don't think anyone, not even the doctors that perform them, would call themselves pro-abortion and say they "like" it. No one likes it. However, the Supreme Court, with the infamous Roe v.Wade decision in 1973, opened a Pandora's box of crap that cannot be closed. Actually, in some ways, it was a good thing, but that's a discussion for another time. My point is, abortion is a reality in our world and cannot, and should not, be instantly outlawed. The repercussions of doing so would be disastrous. No, we must remain a pro-choice society. What we do need, however, is better choices. What we need is a way to stop unwanted pregnancies from happening in the first place. How do we do that? I don't know. But until there is a choice that can replace abortion, we have to live with it. I don't like it, you don't like it. And I will be the one leading the parade when the last abortion is performed and an unborn child is also a wanted child. But until then, I am afraid I have to be in the pro-choice camp.

But guess what? I can change my opinion an hour from now and not feel guilty about it. I am not obligated to hold on to this belief just because I have it now. Free thinking is an amazing thing. Don't let your mommy and daddy or your friends or your church or your television tell you what you can and can't believe. You are your own person, so be your own person.

I wish someone had given me that advice years ago.

If I were to lay out for you how many things I think differently on now than I did 5 years ago, you might be surprised. Or not. I know there are some at my church that might not talk to me anymore if I told them some of the things in my head and heart.

Religion? Do I really want to go there? Well, why not. OK, so the way I understand it, Christianity is supposed to be about "Love your neighbor" and "Do unto others" and all kinds of goodness like that. However, lately, it's become, at least in the eyes of the general public, about "you can't do that" and "I'm rich because God loves me" and "God is on my side so of course I'm right". And even worse, it's about "don't talk to them, they're not one of us". From what I read in the Bible, Jesus Christ spent time with the sick and the poor, and prostitutes and tax collectors. A long list of people who weren't the right kind of people. How can you tell someone about being a Christian if you only talk to other Christians?

Guess what? I have a friend who is an atheist! (*SHOCKED GASPS*) I know right? It's just the most awful thing ever, isn't it? And guess what? That person will probably never change their mind and become a Christian! (*GASPS FAINTING HEART ATTACKS*) And guess what else? That person will continue to be my friend for as long they choose to be. (*THUNKS AS EVERYONE DROPS DEAD TO THE FLOOR*). Sure, I pray for this person, a lot. And they know where I stand. But I am not going to suddenly start putting any kind of pressure on this person to change their mind, nor am I going to stop talking to them because they won't. That's not how people should function. There is no "Us" and "Them" on this planet. Our lives are all interconnected and interwoven and being selfish and bigoted and racist tears that fabric and fucks it all up for everyone else.

Yes, I cursed. Sorry, but I couldn't think of a stronger word.

And that's another tangent I'm about to go off on. Cursing. Out of respect for others, I try to keep my four letter words to a minimum. But sometimes, these things just slip out. I don't like it when others curse just for the sake of cursing. I watched a movie the other night that turned my stomach. The story line was... well a little meh, but the premise was clever, however, any enjoyment I might have gotten out of it was totally overshadowed by way over-using the f-bomb. Real people, even when they use it, don't use it that much. However, that being said, there are times when no other word can serve the same purpose. Sometimes things are fucked and should be labeled as such. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so.

But I'm not going to try to incorporate an f-bomb when I lead prayer at church any time soon.

But people shouldn't worry about being all nicey-nice around others when they really need to let it out. There are things that I feel should be off limits. As a Christian I try not to use the name "Jesus" as a curse, (but that's off limits for me, others should decide for themselves what is off limits), and I try not to curse in front of my kids. Not because it's "wrong", but rather in our society it's frowned upon for a 3 year old to say the word "shit".

It's how people talk in today's society. True, some see it as rude and impolite, but honestly, everyone has heard the words, and most everyone has used the words. I remember my dear sweet grandmother once let out a stream of cursing that would embarrass a sailor. So I say, fuck it, let's curse if we feel like cursing! Sometimes, another word just won't convey it in the same way.

That reminds me of a joke I heard Buddy Hackett (you youngsters will know him as the voice of the seagull in Disney's "The Little Mermaid") say once about cursing. When someone breaks their foot, what are they going to say "spring is here"? No, they're going to say "BLEEPUS H. BLEEP I BROKE MY F***ING FOOT!"

Here's a joke I told my kids:

A teacher was telling her class the story of Chicken Little. "Chicken Little told the cows 'they sky is falling!' But the cows ignored her.Chicken Little told the geese 'the sky is falling'! And they laughed at her. Then Chicken Little ran to the Farmer and said 'the sky is falling!'" The teacher turned to her class and asked "And what do you supposed the Farmer said?" Little Jimmy raised is hand and said "I suppose he said 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!'"

Ok. enough ranting for today.

Just can't take it anymore. I might regret posting this, but....

Recent events have again brought the "Islam vs. The World" discussion into the spotlight again. The so-called "Ground Zero Mosque" continues to be debated, argued, and protested.

I've made a couple of comments here and there, but really tried to stay out of the debate because, honestly, it doesn't really affect me and I don't have the energy to be able to fight battles that aren't mine.

A couple of days ago, however, I received the most hateful, hate-filled, email from someone I thought was above such things. Someone, as a veteran and a pastor, I thought should have known better. The email, obviously one of those chain letters, but with his own diatribe attached, is so vile that I can't repost it here. But the gist of it was that we should cover the site of the "Ground Zero Mosque" in pig blood so the Muslims won't want it. And more so, we should just throw pig blood at anyone who uses a prayer rug or wears "Muslim" head coverings. (I know, that alone is pretty vile, but the language of the email was just disgusting.)

My dear wife, the kind, loving soul that she is, tried to remind our pastor friend that "They will know we are Christians by our love." His response was "you have no idea" and "they want to kill all Christians" and "maybe instead of telling me off maybe you should do your homework", and various other things that sounded like he'd heard them on Fox News.

Well, Mr. Preacher friend, we have done our homework, which obviously you haven't. I have read the Qur'an and I know what it says. Which obviously you haven't. Here's some things I've found, I will share them with you so maybe next time you will know what you are talking about:

Just like the Bible or any other writing for that matter, context is everything. Taking a word or a sentence out of context, you can claim it means anything. But in context is where it's true meaning lies.

So, mr. pastor man, you say the Qur'an says to kill Christians? Where does it say that? Oh, right here, you might say, pulling up a passage such as 5:51 which says: 

"You who believe, do not take the Jews and Christians as allies: they are allies only to each other. Anyone who takes them as an ally becomes one of them – Allah does not guide such wrongdoers.” 

 But when you read the context, you know, the whole story that this verse is just a part of, you see clearly that it's about a camp of Muslims that is under assault by an enemy that is composed of Christians and Jews (not ALL Christians and Jews, just the "local" ones in this scenario, get it?) In fact, it's not even talking about devout Christians in this situation, but some that are obviously acting like idiots. Passage 5:59, part of this story, says:

"People of the Book, do you resent us for any reason other than the fact that we believe in God, in what was sent down to us, and in what was sent before us, while most of you are disobedient?"

Ok, you might say, but what about 3:85 that says: 

"He that chooses a religion other than Islam, it will not be accepted of him and in the world to come, he will be one of the lost." 

 Well, yeah, that says if you don't believe in Islam you are going to "hell". How is that different from where Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life..."? Obviously Islam will claim to be the only way, just as Christianity does.

Yeah, you say, but what about 2:191 that says:

"...Slay them where you find them..."

 Obviously that refers to anyone who is not Muslim! Well, no, mr. pastor man. Again, you haven't done your homework and you're taking it way out of context. The story here is that early Muslims, upon migrating to Medina, were in a battle for their lives. They were fighting just to stay alive. Yes, it says to 'slay them', but guess what? it also says:

2:193 - "...if they cease, let there be no hostility except to those who practice oppression." 

In other words, 'when they stop trying to kill us, stop killing them'. The story here is "acting in self-defense" in this particular situation.

OK, smart guy who actually reads, you might say, I've got you this time. 9:29 says:

"Fight those who believe not in God nor the Last Day..." 

Sigh, I say, context context context. The verse before is referring to pagans who are trying to attack the mosque. It's about defending their "temple" against an enemy who wants to destroy it. Again, self-defense in a particular battle.

We can go on and on and on. There is a lot of verses in the Qur'an that talk about killing and fighting and destroying. Taken out of context, you can claim they mean anything. But guess what? The Bible has a lot of verses about killing and fighting and destroying, too.

But you, mr. pastor man who went to Bible college (or at least claimed you did), should know that. If I point out verses from the Old Testament where the Israelites were taking the promised land and were ordered to kill every child and woman and animal when they took a city, you would give me a long list of reasons why God told them they could do that. True Muslims will have the same answers for what is in their writings.

The point here, mr. pastor man, before you go out throwing pig blood on innocent people, maybe you should do your homework and actually know what they believe. Should we characterize all Christians by the actions of the Westboro Baptist church (the ones who picket soldier's funerals with signs that say "God hates f**s")? Do you , mr. pastor man, want your church lumped in with them? No. Then neither should you lump all Muslims in with a small group of terrorists.

Ok. Rant over.

In full disclosure, I am a Christian. I do not agree with the writings of Muhammed. However, though I wish everyone could understand and believe as I do, I understand that others have made their choice of what to believe and I feel they should be free to do so and be free to practice the religion of their choice as long as it does not lead to harming other people.

I do not feel that all religions lead to the same god, or the same heaven. I believe Christ is the only way to find peace, forgiveness, and eternal life. But Muslims, Jews, atheists, and all others who have made a conscious choice of what they believe, are not my enemies. We are all children of God, no matter what we believe, and as such I feel everyone, all people, should be treated with love, respect, and dignity.

Yes, I know there are terrorists out there who thump their Qur'an and say they are doing what it says. That they feel they are going to be rewarded with they blow themselves up in a suicide bombing. And I know that many good young Americans have died at their hands. I know that, and am deeply distressed by it. But when you look at what the terrorist groups are saying the Qur'an says, you will see they are making the same mistake my pastor friend is, taking things out of context.  And I feel they represent all Muslims as much as Westboro Baptist represents all Christians: not at all.

And, yes, I believe the "Ground Zero Mosque" should be allowed to proceed. They need to replace the one that was inside the Twin Towers. (Yes, there was a Muslim prayer room in the Twin Towers. Look it up.)

Ok, now my rant is truly over. Hate me if you want. I don't care. I'm a Christian, so I love you whether you like it or not!