A Rant and Ramble

Greetings! Sometimes I feel like my brain just gets too jumbled with so much junk that I just kind of freeze up, so I just need to rant it all out. Hope you don't mind.

I keep saying over and over again that I'm not going to get swept up in political discussion, but then one of the candidates says something stupid and I just go off again. Yes, all candidates eventually say stupid things, but some things are just so shockingly stupid that I just can't ignore it.

As I write this, the big news is comments Romney made at a fundraiser. I'm not going to bother to rehash it because in the global scheme of things, not matter how it made me feel, it's not going to make any difference.

So these things hit the news, I have a knee-jerk reaction and rant and rave and torque off a lot of people, and then it passes. And afterword I feel sick. Why oh why do I keep getting myself swept up into these pointless exercises? Most people are pretty set in how they're going to vote and me starting a debate or screaming out my opinions isn't going to convince anyone to vote differently.

But that pretty much sums up the Internet during an election year. Everyone is SCREAMING an opinion while everyone else is SCREAMING about how that opinion is wrong. And sadly no one is really taking any time to actually look at the issues, to look at where the candidates stand and actually making an informed decision. Worse, we all focus on the "big" election while ignoring the more important "smaller" elections that will actually impact us on a person level.

I try, in spite of of my ranting and raving, to take time to educate myself on the issues and vote accordingly, especially when it comes to local elections. The problem is that, even on the local level, the BIG news tends to get all the attention and it's hard to find any information about congressmen and state legislators. And practically impossible to find anything about the city council and county board and school board.

Democracy only works when we get past the fan-boy aspect and educate ourselves. Since Theodore Roosevelt first appeared in a news reel, and later FDR making the first presidential appearance on TV, the presidency has been more about 'appearing' to be presidential material than actual ability. Compare photos of Abraham Lincoln to Nixon or Reagan or Clinton; Lincoln we an ugly, ugly man, whereas late 20th century presidents and beyond are, by most people's definitions, pretty good looking. It's become a beauty contest. And I hate it.

If I had 3 wishes I would wish for the wisdom, ability, and permission to fix the American election system. First, everyone votes. I've heard in Australia that all citizens are required to vote. I think that's a good plan, that way everyone is truly represented. (I know, pie in the sky, but I'm dreaming here, hush.) Second we vote the issues, not people. That is we elect people based on what they will do, not on how well they speak or how good they look. Third, we stop complaining and work together. We don't just elect someone and then complain about them, we elect them and then follow them into their offices and say "alright, what can I do to make things happen".

OK, enough of that.

The last month was so insane and I'm so exhausted that I don't know if I will recover any time soon. My daughter had her baby, I had my gall bladder out, and generally just been running like crazy. I've spent the last 2 week in bed. Mostly trying to heal from my surgery, but also just to get some rest.

But then I feel guilty. I feel that even though I am technically disabled and unable to work that I should be able to produce something. I try to do something that I think is productive every day. Maybe not truly helpful to anyone in any real way, but just to create something seems better than just taking up space. So every day I write a little something or draw or photoshop or... something that I can point to and say "I did that today".

Some days it's hard. Part of my disability manifests itself in a psychological way. Some days are just really really... well fuzzy is probably the best way to describe it. It's hard to think, hard to pay attention, hard to really do much of anything. Maybe that's the depression I've dealt with most of my life, maybe it's the 'things' in my brain pushing and shoving and short circuiting things. I don't know. I just know that some days being able to create something is simple and fun, other days it's very hard.

But today I'm writing. I love to write. I don't hold any illusion that I'm good at it, but I love it. I remember in Jr. High or high school my mother let me play with an old type writer that we had. I took over that thing and just started pounding things out. Poems mostly. Really really bad - really bad - poems about dogs and pencils and ... ug. I shudder now to think about it. But I wrote. Wrote and wrote and wrote. I journaled a lot too. Sad boring details of my life, but it was writing.

I've continued that habit into the web age, keeping this blog and a couple others. I've been able to write more since I've stopped working. Have I gotten better at it? I don't think so. I still haven't really found a voice and an inspiration to give my writing purpose other than just ranting. Once in a while I am able to write out an idea, but mostly I'm just ranting.

So I rant.

And now I'm about ranted out for this time. Catch you on the flippity flip.