My creative train has been derailed for a while, so I asked for inspiration. My lovely wife suggested I fantasize about what would be the best Christmas ever, anything goes. So here goes. Buckle up, this my get a little nuts.
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"Christmas eve! Christmas eve!" Micah was running through our luxurious hotel suite with his Mickey Mouse ears on sideways, wearing nothing else but his underpants. He was still learning to talk, so it came out as "Kwismas eeb! Kwismas eeb!" It was our fourth day of our two week Disney vacation, the day we all agreed would be completely laid back with as little walking as possible. The holiday would mean the parks would be packed anyway and we all wanted to so some shopping. The $750 million we had left of out lottery winnings after taxes wasn't going to spend itself.
"Kwismas eeb! Kwismas eeb!" The suite was actually 4 suites with adjoining rooms. The space was larger than his house, larger than 3 of his houses, at least until they signed on the new place when they got home later in the month.
A knock at the door. That would be our official Disney vacation wake up call. Grampy stumbled out of bed, his newly thin body, muscles rippling, gleamed majestically in the morning sunlight. Nana's early Christmas gift of fur-lined (fake fur, of course) boxer briefs accented his thin masculine frame.
The knock repeated. Grampy didn't bother with a robe, much the the dismay of his children and grand children, but he was proud he had lost 100 pounds. And why shouldn't he be? In his late 40s he was a total stud-muffin. They all wondered who it would be today, would it be Mickey? Goofy? Ariel the Mermaid?
Grampy threw the door open, inviting the character in without knowing who it was. He had forgotten that he had gotten to choose one of the wake up calls. From hidden speakers somewhere in the walls, the Star Wars theme suddenly started to play. Brandishing a blaster, Princess Leia, attired in her 'slave to Jabba the Hutt' costume, burst through the door, seemingly looking for Jabba's minions to blast. Seeing Grampy in his fur underwear, she assumed he was her hero. She rushed to his side, throwing her arms around him. The groans from the kids and grandkids were the exclamation point on Grampy's best wake up call ever.
After Princess Leia left, leaving the authentic blaster replica as a souvenir and a passionate kiss on the cheek for Grampy's memories, breakfast was delivered. Mountains of bacon, sausage, and pancakes. They didn't last long as the 20 or so people assembled set to devouring it. Grampy and Nana sat back and enjoyed the world's best coffee as their family milled about them.
Their shopping assistants arrived about half an hour later. The stretch limousines, 4 of them, waited for them just outside the hotel.
First stop, the newly opened FAO Schwartz, Orlando, to sign the ownership papers and confirm the delivery of 400 or so packages for the next morning. Then on to the custom electronics store to confirm the delivery of the 144 inch screen to their new vacation home in Hawaii.
Then it was lunch time. They had bought out The Mellow Mushroom for the best pizza in town and hired Aerosmith to play for their afternoon entertainment. Steven Tyler had invited his daughter Liv to join them. She was filming a new movie and came wearing a costume similar to that she wore in Lord of the Rings. Nana was not impressed with the attention Grampy gave her.
The afternoon was spent with George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg. Besides discussing their new movies, George also let them take turns flying his fully functional Millennium Falcon. The hyperdrive wasn't functioning properly, though, and they could only go once around Saturn's rings before having to come back.
For dinner they hired Gordon Ramsey to make steak. He was required by contract to refer to Grampy as "My Lord". The steak was amazing.
They spent the evening being entertained by holograms of Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. As the little ones scampered off to bed, North Pole elves tucked them in with live re-enactments of "The Night Before Christmas".
Santa came at midnight. The grownups were all having the time of their life. Santa stayed for a while and had hot wings and champagne.
Disney Princesses and Princes woke them the next morning, all dressed in their very finest costumes. The huge mountain of presents took most of the day to open. The turkey dinner, provided by Martha Stewart, again addressing Grampy as "My Lord" arrived at noon.
As they flew home that evening in their private 747, with entertainment provided by Justin Beiber for the girls in one cabin and the cast of Star Trek in the other for the guys, they call declared it was the best Christmas ever.
