Has it really been 5 months? Didn't anyone miss me?

5 months. That's how long it's been since I've written anything? Dude.... And no one missed my rantings and ramblings?

I have been busy. Lots of stuff for my church. First there was Missions Sunday, of which I am the missions chair and had to do some work for that. Then we started doing video announcements and that's taken a lot of my time and creative energy. I am getting pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. I'm not actually IN the videos, I just make them up.

But today I find myself with some time to write. So what should I write about?

I honestly don't know. There's been a lot going on in the news, but honestly haven't been all wrapped up in it. Yes, I'm concerned about the gun control issues and how congress was basically bought off by the NRA, I am concerned about the things coming out of the white house and what the President may or may not have had a part in, but no so concerned that it's worth talking about right now.

So what is important to me right now? I don't know. I'm tired. Just really really tired. As much as I've enjoyed having something to keep me busy, it hasn't really distracted me from the stress that is swarming about me. My wife had a horrible experience with someone that took it upon themselves to sabotage her career and indirectly our family's livelihood. As a result we are crashing and burning badly. Our cupboards and fridge are empty, the gastank is drained, and the electricity is about to be shut off.

When I stop to think about it, I start to freak out. We've been down and out before, but this is about as down and out as we can get. We might have been able to live through the summer, but going into the fall and trying to survive through another whole semester of school... I don't know how we're going to do it.

I wish I could work. I mean do regular work. I do a lot for the church, but they are very understanding of when my head pain blows up for 6 week and I can't do anything. Most people that provide a paycheck are not very forgiving of people that would need tons of time off without notice. Alas I'm stuck.

Fortunately, I do get Social Security. There are many people that point and laugh and accuse and blame and... whatever. And I hate it. But the truth is, that program exists for this purpose, to help people like me that are unable to work. So hate me. Blame me for the freaking national debt, I don't care. I have a family that needs help, I paid into the program for more than 25 years and I am grateful that it exists. It's not like I'm freaking sitting around ripping off the government....

I'm ranting. But seriously, I really tried or getting blamed, directly or indirectly, for the national debt.

What else?

I don't really know. I'm tired. Really freaking tired. Tired and more tired. I'm just drained by the chaos. I don't know how to stop the chaos. I don't know how to get our heads above water. Even my wife has just disappeared into her online games. We barely talk, let alone spend any time together. We just sink further and further into the mire.