Lately I've really been looking at my church. If the church is the Body of Christ, this particular church could best be described as an open oozing sore that for whatever reason won't heal.
So why do I keep going there? Why do I not take my family to another church that would be better for them, that would have groups and programs and stuff for them?
Honestly, I don't know. Part of it is just stubborn denominational-ism. Even though my church is technically "non-denominational", it's really "the denomination that doesn't call itself a denomination". It's simply known as the Christian Church. It's the church my wife belonged to since she was a girl, it was the church I was baptized in when I first became a true believer. Basically, even though each group in this "denomination" is independent and sets their own standards of membership and so on, the church I attend here is closest to my "home church".
For more about the independent Christian Churches, read this.
Another reason is that on some level, this church needs me, needs my family. It's very small, and most of the congregation is over 60. It's literally dying out. I feel like there's something I can or should be doing here to fix and heal this church. But what? I don't know.
And then I question everything. What, as a Christian, should I be doing to reach others? What is my part in missions? What is my purpose within the Body of Christ? I can honestly say that I haven't figured that out yet. If my church isn't helping me, should I seek guidance elsewhere?
It's all so confusing for me right now. My mind is basically mush, it's hard to concentrate on anything, and I truly have questions as to why this is happening to me. Is God testing me? Is He disciplining me? Why is this happening? Is there a reason at all?